[daydream]

Exactly the same as me and my Mum it is wanting to be accepted and you think if you fix you are viewed differently .. You never are so you need to go and get another!

I’ve just searched fb and found mines been tagged in a status from the weekend so been through and looks like he’s trying to be deep and woo her since Friday, I know from the ways he’s typed he’s high .. sad that I can see it just through a style of typing, but she’s thinking all good things come to those who wait.

At least I know what he was doing at the weekend and if she thinks some surface messages are all good things she’s litrally got another thing coming.

I am raging right now at the fact he can’t text me but has time to follow comment and like selfies, we have never followed each other on social media and it’s like wow I am not even worthy of being friends on the internet.

I’ve just phoned my friend an was like I am litrally done now.

[daydream]

I can’t stand them like you I attract them and can spot them a mile away usually .. I always say to him He needs therapy and he says he’s had it all his life but telling me things while sniffing a bag of coke isn’t dealing with anything!! My other ex was litrally an empty shell even when he cried it was fake but with this one he crys it’s like actually sobbing that you can’t fake if you wanted to .. but when he says his regrets some that you actually cannot change it’s like an empty silence as there’s litrally no advice I can give or nothing that will make it better! He’s defo obsessed with money and status like my ex was though .. But the push pull behaviour is a narsissist trait!

[daydream]

My ex is a narcissist but doesnt take drugs and you could tell his past trauma was fake and fabricated for him to be a victim, every story was made up or half truth as he wouldn’t take questions on it. He made it feel like you were seeing behind the mask and vulnerability but actually it wasn’t at all every single side was fake.

This is why I think I am more for this guy as he never makes himself a victim like my ex did and he is actually wounded by the past stuff and knows where he’s gone wrong .. So I know it isn’t a personality disorder, When he’s showing up with no mask on it genuinely is who he is .. Like when he makes comments about stuff you know that’s his low self esteem talking but he wouldn’t admit it out loud.

With my ex I saw potential at the very start which then diminished quickly due to his vile attitude, but this guy’s potential hasn’t ever changed to me I know he’s capable and so does he if he just never sniffed that sh*t in the first place!!

[daydream]

Yeah I used to tell mine he’s going to end up dead and he was like yeah so what if it happens it happens .. that’s now turned to don’t worry about me I’ve got too much planned to die ???? Clearly you have and that doesn’t include messaging me back.

Which is as I’ve said before my actual nightmare as he’s done bad stuff but he’s not a bad person he’s just really damaged .. but like you say where’s the ending to it really?!

[daydream]

This is why I think on ‘clear’ days when he’s not contacting me that’s his true feeling .. but the drugs make him thinks he needs me .. Do you know what I mean? But still they know what they are doing and saying .. and that’s the part that gets me the most it’s actually intentional!

[daydream]

Haha see mine never does all that .. First night I stayed with him I was his perfect angel and he wanted to spend every weekend with me for the rest of his life .. that then went to if I asked if he liked me his reply was are you with me here? stop asking stupid questions .. To then after 2 years telling me to my face hes in actual love with me and missed me soooo much .. Now it’s a mix of he can’t not know me, I need him and he loves me but he doesnt need to deal with emotions and he wants to date me not rush in :/ like seriously?!?!

[daydream]

Yeah it’s the same here he goes silent then he’s back with sorry Ive been a no show .. then with vengeance the week upto him coming over he’s on the phone every night and messaging me then he turns up, has an off load and off he goes into the sunset not bothered till next time usually I do get a follow up message but obvs not this time!

Yeah I can believe everything your saying .. Same as it’s ok for him to get engaged and then lie about it only to admit it afterwards!

I think the whole manipulation thing is probs right for my case as well, As I don’t see him acting like this to anyone else, and that’s why I think he’s scared to get in a relationship as I know too much .. behaviour and issues!

[daydream]

Sounds like it’s the same boy!!

Funny as a friend of a friend came over and fixed my electrics a few weeks ago for a favour and he was massively offended by why a man would help me for nothing in return .. Then Last week he was debating if he would make the train on time so I said for a joke oh well if you don’t I’ll be out as the electric guy asked me out (truth) so he was like oh go then what are you expecting me to do be upset? suprise suprise he made the train and when he got here told me that if electrical guy came within a foot of me it’s the last thing he would ever ever do!

He’s often said I don’t expect you to wait for me but clearly if I go on a date that the last thing the guys gonna do he’s trying to make me actually wait!

I get the same with the childhood trauma he’s litrally up all night talking about it and then he drinks as an excuse to forget it!

Last week he wanted to go out so I was like ok have fun obviously he got in such a state the next morning it was my fault I let him go out .. Like if I told you to stay in you would have gone anyway!!

I the whole melt down on my birthday made him realise I am not just going with the flow for him to say everything he’s said since but the fact he keeps saying he gets he’s got to do the actions then actually not doing them.

Honestly!! Longest he’s been gone is a month when he was in his situationship but I always hear from him at least once a month when I first met him it was a few days but since May he’s only been 2 weeks which makes me even more mad as he’s ramped it back up so now I don’t know what to expect.

Ha on the Poland relapse though it’s litrally anything to make you feel like your at fault not them isnt it how about just own it! When I get things like that I just say how about think about how I made you then come back to me, never had a reason!

[daydream]

Ha yeah I’ve said that as well was funny as last weekend he was on about how he asked his ex to marry him and obviously I don’t get how he could be all in for her .. though obviously he wasn’t as he couldn’t help himself to ruining it.. but and I said what would you have done when you can’t keep away from me and he was like yeah massive huge problem going forward to be honest, He was even messaging me on the day he proposed and I feel sorry for her massively as she had what I see as the fake him so for her to slowly see a decline .. that would kill me, where as I am lucky as I’ve had who he is from day one but then I think that’s also the issue as he doesn’t need to hide it and he feels I’ll always judge him on past mistakes as well where she saw what he wanted her to until obviously he got so bad she couldn’t cope with it, where as I will just tell him to shut up and go to bed. I think he’s got some defiance disorder as well added to it as the more you say don’t do something the more he will do it so I just agree with him and it’s usually problem solved.

I wish I could have the normal head wreck men, my friend was crying last night as her boyfriend didn’t reply to her message for 3 hours .. if only they were our kind of issues, 3 hours would be like a dream to me!

How long does yours usually stay gone for?

[daydream]

Yeah I defo see that like last weekend I actually believed everything he was saying and then I backed it up by checking online and it was all true so I felt a bit better than he might be sorting his life out now nothing I mean how can someone be online and on social media yet not reply to a text .. It baffles me and I don’t follow him on anything so I wonder if he realises I can still see it!

I think this as well my friends all have different opinions on how its going to end up but they havnt met him as they don’t want to get dragged in but my best friend who has met him and sees us together says you can tell there’s something there she just doesn’t understand why he can’t keep it up when he’s sober and normal. He said last week I’ve been a friend that turned to family but he’s scared of putting me in the relationship as if he messes up he looses the friend and family and that can’t happen as he can’t not know me .. so to my mind keep me as family then don’t sleep with me and make promises!!

[daydream]

How long has this situation been going on for you?

[daydream]

Yes 100% exact same situation!

I don’t know how he would take it if I told him to go honestly .. Usually if I ignore him he messages more or starts turning up.

Hes always adament he’s not sleeping with anyone and he’s not talking to anyone apart from me .. but I am here right now feeling so angry that he genuinely must think I am mug, even though he tells me he knows I am not stupid at all which is why he would rather admit what he’s done which usually he does :/

I really want to text him and just say actually I am not doing this you don’t love me .. But I’d rather wait it out and talk to him face to face but then it’s how long is that gonna be!!

Honestly I love listening to my friends normal man issues they litrally don’t get mine at all!

[daydream]

I have thought that but he’s usually very strict on not leading people down the garden path and for years it was just what it was so for him to now come out and say all these things is not like him at all.

I feel like I am constantly stuck in that he does come back so right now thinking what if he is meaning what he’s saying and I meet someone else and he comes back .. like I am stuck waiting while he is actually just living his life.

I agree with you 100% I just really don’t see what he gets out of it .. he could find girls to fawn over he’s a good looking guy and in turn he would have more places to stay to do what he’s doing .. So why me this is the question that litrally spins me out. He says because he loves me but if he did he wouldn’t go a week without replying to a text.

[daydream]

No he doesn’t I’ve litrally just had this convo with my friend .. I feel I am stuck between a rock now though as I’ve said I’ll always be there and he does pour all his problems out to me .. So for me to turn now and say actually no I am not waiting for you to sort your life out, it makes me look bad.

I think it’s more if I lived with it at least he would only be gone for a few days rather than spending a few days and pretending I don’t exsist inbetween as to me the inbetween is when he’s not using.

I feel like I am the only one who he can talk to properly about everything .. But this times really done me to be honest, I feel like for the past 3 years it’s litrally been an it is what it is situation .. But now he’s showing me messages he’s sending out to his family he’s offended and also telling me he wants to date me and wants me in his future it’s like wow but to then ignore me for 4 days don’t get it

[daydream]

I let him back because I love him and actually stupidly believe him when he says he’s not doing wrong things as at the time he probably isnt as every time we’ve spoken or messaged since he went MIA in June he’s been talking normally and feeding me the dream of me and and him.

I am coming to the realisation now and that alone makes me feel like s**t as clearly since he’s been back home this week week he’s living his ‘normal life’ he doesn’t feel like messaging me but as soon as he feels like he wants to look clean to the world but have a weekend off he will start buttering me up again and I look like I believe him.

I kind of wish I was in the reverse situation and he was with me living the lie then nipping off at the weekend .. As that’s what it looks like most partners do on here, yet I am the one who is the odd one out being who he runs to when life isn’t working!

[Author]

Posts