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So mine sent the message pretending to be his mum and didnt hear from him for a week.

He then comes back saying he’s not spoken as he’s been in a negative mind frame but he’s decided we need to do the dating thing .. he’s apparently booked a few weekends away, we had some deep text convos where he’s said he sees a future with me without having to go looking to start again .. He promised he was coming over at the weekend, I didn’t hold out much hope but low and behold he phoned me saying he was coming a day earlier.

Picked him up he was sober talking about all the plans he’s been making and some he’s put in place all positive and NORMAL until about 12 at night .. Went up to the bathroom and was gone for a bit so I went up and wiped the side and you know it .. so asked if he’s done it and he said yeah but just one line as he’s got to think clearly to tell me some stuff .. He then says he’s scared of loosing me and then we had a long convo until 7am about his problems and life, where we are at basically made me think you know what he’s actually better than he’s ever been he actually does love me.

Went to sleep then said he was going to a meeting which I was like ok .. Said he would be home for 4 .. picked him up flat on his face at 7 but he was proud as he’d taken no drugs .. He was passed out by 8 so I had to do the usual getting him to bed stripping him off etc.

Woke up the next day asking what he had done and I think he wanted me to go off on one but I actually kept calm .. He looked shocked I’d managed to get him in bed and bought water up for him.

He went back to sleep for a few hours woke up the perfect man and then stayed all day sober and taking nothing .. Sent him a text on Sunday night and he’s not opened it.

So basically I am at the point now.

I said to him I feel like he uses me as it’s like he can come here do what he wants then go and pretend to everyone he’s still clean and he said he really does want to see me 100% wants to spend time with me and it’s not just about the drugs at all .. He’s trying to do right and put the past right so he can move forward with it all an him wanting me there should tell me that he loves me. From the messages I’ve seen he’s sent to people and how he’s talking I think yeah he is .. but I just feel like if you really cared you wouldn’t leave a message unseen for 2 days and maybe he’s trying to get right with everyone but as I don’t give him drama it’s ok.

But then I think everything I give him he could actually get somewhere else, so what is it about me that keeps him coming back if he doesn’t mean the deep things he says :/

Head wreck

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So he’s on another bender, but this time instead of spending all night talking to me .. he sent me a message in the afternoon basically pretending to be his Mum saying he’s left his phone there and he’s not ignoring me and she wants him to be happy and if it’s meant to be with us It will be, we need to have fun but at the moment leave him be .. he was then online ALL night .. So so draining, don’t know what’s worse the insult to my intelligence or the fact that he can’t just come out and be honest .. Obviously he thinks I’ll believe it, won’t message as I’ll think it’s not him online, and he will be free to chat s##t with whoever he’s online with .. Then can be like wow 1 month clean to avoid admitting that hes slipped again, Really astounds me! I feel sorry for him having to come up with something like that so he doesn’t look like he failed and get a lecture.

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Louise .. Yeah I said to mine your not addicted to coke and drink your addicted to escaping reality and he admits that as well which I just think wow.

He loves the attention, can always tell what type of mood he’s in as he hates going out yet when he gets there he’s centre of attention.

This is what attracted me to him in the first place as sad as it is as he was very successful had his own business always looked nice and can talk the talk, he’s often helped me with my business as he’s got the mindset, but I feel like now when I look at him he tells me hes getting back up there and he’s going to get back to that point but I just think how? He’s always telling me reputation is everything but the more erratic he is he sticks out for the wrong reasons and people do notice it.

I suppose the bad thing is I can’t work out which person is real anymore as they have blended into one, I always ask him who he is today him or his alter ego (the addict) I mean who actually splits themself as uses an alter ego as an excuse to act like a t*at?!

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Dot .. I just don’t get the midset, How someone can promise they are sober, then turn up drink decide they are spending 500 on coke spend the night being the nicest person going making all the promises telling me he loves me, in the morning be crying and saying they are worthless .. then a few hours later phone you and say forget about them and block me .. then a week later call for money (I owed him) Then spend the next 3 days detailing the plan on how they are sorting thier life out .. Then ignore me again.

From what I see when he’s normal he can’t be bothered, when he’s high or wants to get high he’s calling my phone none stop, he’s said I am an escape from his reality and make him happy .. So basically what does that make me, this is kind of the point that no one can answer!

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Louise I might still do that!! Thing is mine tends to only see me when he wants to get hammered and he’s said that himself that I am his escape from reality :/ it’s like he lives in the ‘real world’ for a few weeks then can’t hack it so slowly goes down hill and then boom phones none stop and he’s here acting wild!

Kel1 Well it’s kind if clear that he won’t be here now so as usual I’ll put it to the back of my mind .. But yeah I am feeling anger right now to the point that when he does decide to call I feel like I am going to say I live in the real world and to be honest I don’t need this sh*t, clearly you don’t ever think about me when your ok any normal thinking person would at least message the other person and ask how they are not just ignore them. I think this time it’s worse as I’ve sat and listened to the apologies and the promise he’s changing and he’s basically set out the rules of seeing me once a week and telling me when he needs space but then broken them, it just drives me insane that he swore he was sober when he was messaging when clearly he wasn’t.

So I feel like I am going to say, your selfish, and yes I said I’d be there but no actually not like this as I am not a lesser person than you and obviously you think I am.

Funny as I had his photo read last night by a medium and she basically put back that he’s shy, he’s troubled, has issues to deal with before he makes commitments, has another girl around him that he likes, he likes me but feels inadequate to be loved, hates himself, lacks self esteem, will let me down if he commits now as he isn’t ready, I’ll get him eventually if I want him but have to let the time pass for it to unfold. Litrally all she had was his photo and the connection he is a friend .. Hit the nail on the head, she’s also said I can do better and after lock down I am going to meet someone. Funny that people keep saying after lock down it will be different like this situations only happened now like no this has been going on for years!!

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Yeah I know they defo do mine lives in fantasy land half the time to be honest he’s whoever he feels like being on the day!! He was in the army a few weeks ago I don’t know of he was telling me this thinking I would believe him or what but imagination skills to beat a pre schooler! It’s usually only when hes constantly been drunk for a few days he remembers like then when he sobers up he forgets till he’s drunk again it’s like dealing with 2 different people! xx

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Well mine made a promise he is seeing me in ‘7 days or less’ on Friday .. He swore he wasn’t drunk when he said that – however now thinking he was, as Friday tomorrow. So I’ll just wait on it now messaged him on Tuesday and still no reply!

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I am ok .. Just sat here laughing at the fact he can post online to do with work stuff, but not reply to me! At least he’s ok, hey!

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So glad we don’t have kids together, to be honest it’s just a whole other sh*t storm of stress.

I have a kid and he has a kid though he doesn’t see his child and I try and keep him away from mine litrally but a couple of times they have crossed paths and when they do he’s the best guy ever full of motivation quotes and bloody laughs and am just like wow!!

His Mum is trying by the sounds of it to get him sorted as much as she can and he does look at least like hes got some remorse for her when he goes off on one same as he’s always crying and apologising and thanking me when hes in sane mind, but he tends to come over here to escape the eyes staring at him (as Ive always had the tone of I cannot stop you, the more I tell him not to do it the more he does it, its insane as if I put it in front of him he wouldnt take it hes like a child looking for a reaction!)

Where they live it’s in the sticks and hard to come by but where I am he lived in this area for 3 years so he only has to walk down the street and he’s got his ‘friends’ chatting to him .. I’ve even said I am going to move just so he’s not got the option but he tells me temptation is every where it’s on him to say no but when he’s drunk he has no morals.

Doesn’t help that narcotics rehab says hes allow to drink in moderation responsibly .. I spoke to one of his rehab mates in front of him on a zoom call and asked him what that means to him and he was like well having a glass of wine at dinner .. Having one pint out .. then I look over at My crazy t*at and he’s swigging vodka neat out the bottle like it’s water and like whaaat?? Just makes me think he pretends he doesn’t get it – so he can get away with it but he bloody does know and that’s what makes me mad!

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Hi Louise!

Yes it’s 100% sh*t problem is for me this guy was never my boyfriend as such :/ I met him a few years ago wasn’t a date just a drink and as I was already out I was pretty drunk anyway so missed the signs, the next time I met him he was ‘normal’ and I was sober .. First bar we went to we didn’t have to que and then most of the night he was popping off having close conversations with people so I asked him straight out if he was a dealer and he admitted it, that should have been my time to run away then.

That night it was like he had a nervous breakdown was up all night with him crying his eyes out hearing his life story and from then on we were like peas and carrots ffs .. He bounces in and out I see the worst sides of him – everyone else gets either the good personality or the bad personality .. he’s never been nasty to me though he classes me as family :/ meaning I’ll let him come back, i argue with him though and its like shouting at a child he knows what he’s doing, If only knew the good side and he was doing this right now I would be heartbroken but I kind of think well an grateful he’s not turned into this over night and has basically been unstable from the off.

But yes selfish and I think it’s a lot to do with object consistency in cases of coke addicts it’s all fun and games when your on it and all the people about you are so amazing you don’t think of anything but when it crashes down it’s like they need to crawl back.

Mine had a major breakdown over xmas constantly calling and texting and put away 6 litre bottles of vodka in a weekend I went over as he was living hotel to hotel and he said his parents wanted him to go to rehab as they think hes an alcholic – which he found funny and was obviously happy he had fooled them, but then was asking my opinion and said it was the only one that mattered and should he go or not .. at this point he was still saying he didn’t have a coke addiction as he was actually an alcoholic first, I always find that reverse psychology works a treat on him .. I said I didnt think he had a problem with drink (lied) but if he thought it would be a good idea so it looked like he was taking charge maybe go to AA but maybe just tell them he uses coke, then I said rehab might be a bit too much for him and 12 weeks was a long time .. next thing you know he’s in rehab as he likes a challenge .. not even funny! He was still saying 2 weeks ago he’s not a coke addict but as of last weekend he’s admitted it .. Just like a constant head f*ck. I would say let yours just suffer and don’t let him keep coming back but that would make me a hypocrite as I know how it is and I worry if I didn’t answer the phone he would end up dead and I can’t have it on my conscience!

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It’s weird as I used to text and get no reply so it’s like I am conditioned that he only talks when he wants to. Hes always told me hes selfish .. usually he says he goes silent so I can find someone who deserves me or he’s got too much going on and right now it’s so he can sort himself out but what about what I want, I know if he is actually 100% sorting himself out it is about him but like I said to my friend earlier if he’s not I’ll be fuming at myself. He said the other day he sees me as family and I have traits of his mum and his sister and I think this is where I go wrong he thinks of me under the unconditional love no matter what he does I’ll be there to make it ok just in a different way, so I totally need to be less avalible. In Decemeber he was none stop text and I never really replied until he came to the house and posted a letter and seeing as he drove 40 mins to post it I cracked :/

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Yeah exactly which means really I should go out and find the invented person instead of waiting for one that might never turn up! But there’s always hope for a brighter day in my mind and I need to probs stop that thinking!

I messaged him last night and he hasn’t replied and I feel like fantastic!

Funny as when he phoned for the money the other night I said so now you want some thing I am not blocked so basically if you didn’t need the money you wouldn’t have bothered and he was like of course I would have called you in a few weeks you know me I always come back to you. I don’t doubt that but then at the same time I am the only one that puts up with the behaviour so he can come back maybe I need to be more unforgiving! He said hes going to tell me when he needs space and hes not even done that!

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Yes I 100% know what your saying I have like you 100% invented another person, I actually thought the other day what if he does actually do it and he doesn’t match the person I’ve made in my mind .. How insane is that?!

When he goes on this self reflection thing it’s common for him to say thank you but then it’s soon gone as you say that button gets pressed!

Yeah it’s sad for me as I feel like he doesn’t care daily at all and has instilled in me that he’s about him self so I can’t expect him to almost brainwashing me to accept his s*it behaviour .. He keeps telling me 3 months so I think I will give it 3 months and then for my own sanity call it a day, if he wants to call then fine but I can’t be spending my life waiting by the phone till he remembers to call me or is on the slide. It’s selfish of him but then of course he’s selfish he’s an addict .. what else should i expect I don’t know!!

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Yes exactly he’s so sneeky as they all are it’s like a lull for false security isn’t it before they hit you with it even worse :/

Well he sounded like he was thankful the other night but again the whole I need to be selfish clearly is extending to now not talking to me from day to day either which again is him all over, in the past I can go a month not hearing from him then it’s none stop wish he would spread his all night messaging over the days but then if I am seen as a crisis counceller maybe it’s not needed!

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I think the doctors more checking his mental health rather than just the drugs or maybe it is the drugs service?

Like I say I’ve heard the talk before but not to this level, I hold hope but not massively as I think he was drunk on Friday night as it was very much the same style off messages he used to send me, Heard from him on Saturday and he said he would message tomorrow – Still waiting.

He was also adamant he’s seeing me this week but hasn’t arranged anything as yet.

Could be he’s sorting stuff or could also be that he’s just not been drinking so I am not at the forefront of his mind at the moment .. We all know how this goes!

I think his prediction of being on his feet and sorted in a few months not years is 100% optimistic though and also a carrot dangle for me!

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