[daydream]

Yes! I realised he was on it the second time I met him but it wasn’t the usual nipping off all night so I presumed it was just a pre going out thing, till we got home and he was sniffing constantly from 2am till about 6am and not even lining it up :/

after that weekend he said when he slips he slips of the cliff but hes going to be sober and make it up to me as he hates himself, the next time I saw him he was fine so again I thought it’s ok he is in control of it .. Stupid of me!

Yeah he’s doing them once a week online but he says it’s because he has to do them to shut every one up and conform.

He said on Monday morning he doesn’t need to take it and he doesn’t feel like taking it now, but he was drinking so it’s clear he cant just be on nothing!

He is manipulative but the problem is I’ve dealt with manipulative people all my life, so I see it and call him on it I dont just suck it up, hes said in the past I am one of the only people that stand up to him and obviously the truth is hard to handle clean or not this time.

I just really don’t want it left like this as I don’t want this argument and him not wanting to talk to me to be how it ends, before we’ve always just been ok the times we have not been together so I feel like if anything were to happen I’ve left it on bad terms even though it’s him blaming my truthful words and not being calm – again manipulative I know!

[daydream]

I 100% agree with him not focusing on anything but himself, he told me at the start of the semi argument he needs 3 months – to which I said take what you want, but I am not going to sit here and wait forever, so then it turned into ok we give it a go now but not a chance I would cope with him and I was more of an end of life girl to settle down with and he doesn’t want to ruin how we are. Which then in the morning went to hes not told any lies but he feels like a shell and just litrally doesn’t care, then later in the day he phoned and I got the don’t think of me don’t contact me, you won’t hear from me again he ruins everyone’s lives and he’s done.

I know he can be so sucessful which is what kills me about it all he’s really intelligent and every time I see him do what he does it’s just disappointing.

I’ve never been one to go on about what he does as I know it doesn’t fix it, escaping reality is what he’s addicted to, but this time I litrally lost the plot, having spoken to him on the phone a few times since rehab I could tell he was in his ‘normal’ mind which is rare I think I’ve seen it maybe 4 times in 3 years, so I thought maybe just maybe he’s got some of his shit together enough so I can help with the better reality part.

I don’t even know what to do about it now he’s blocked me on most things, feel like I need to say look I respect you and sorry for pushing it but I’ll be there if he needs me.

It’s not small bags he’s doing it’s more like £600 over 24 hours

[daydream]

No we don’t even have a relationship like that, We were seeing each other on and off for a year then he said he couldn’t do a relationship, which I was ok about as I knew I couldn’t get involved in that life.

He then said he was on the fence about being with me as I knew him better than anyone but something was stopping him.

He then met someone else moved in after a few weeks she was oblivious to it all, he always used to text me while with her checking how I am and updating me on his life, then late last year they broke up which led to him going on a binge and calling me so I went as I know how low he can go he said his parents wanted him in rehab and what did I think and I said I thought he needed to go but ultimately its his choice.

I didn’t hear from him for 3 months and now he’s back and possibly worse.

He never used to say he loves me or cares about me untill the last couple of times Ive seen him .. but now after I told him it can’t go on like this I do love him and I want him clean so we can be together he agreed and said he wants to be with me we spent most of the evening talking about it then come the morning he’s basically told me he is never going to contact me again and he’s an empty shell that ruins lives and he’s done. Honestly I worry so much he’s going to end up dead.

[daydream]

He knows I don’t want him using it he knows I don’t want it in the house he promises he won’t but does it anyway.

He went to rehab and made a huge thing of being clean and then litrally back on it.

Half the time I feel like he does it for a reaction?

[daydream]

I don’t understand why he doesn’t hide the use though? Why wouldn’t he be secretly using it and lying about it like most?

I’ve read a bit about it but it boggles my mind so thought best to ask!

[Author]

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