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OMG do you think there is anyway out of this or are we destined to be with a coke addict or leave. The weird thing is that his brother is a recovering coke addict and alcoholic too and is just a complete waste of space that spends his days addicted to prescripted drugs sleeping and wasting his life and I said to my husband is that what you want to become. I have grown up children so its different for me but I can’t spend the rest of my life (I’m nearly 59 but feel 39) waking up every day feeling depressed and wondering why I’m not happy when I have just got married again. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life enjoying things but he is so in debt I’m guessing because of drugs that I am paying for everything and he contributes nothing (he has moved into my house) I’m speechless when I see how awful it is for everyone x
I feel the same – I come from a normal family but since being with my husband my eyes have been opened enormously – I’m scared to stay in it but the trouble is I love him and don’t know what else to do. Its unbelievable what I have had to endure not just about the coke but his family too seem so screwed up. I feel I just want a normal life again but have great friends who are supporting me although I haven’t told them the latest. x
Hi
I have already bought some more test strips from Amazon and the last time I found white powder was this weekend – I had suspected for a while so was on the hunt all the time for any residue which I found. I confronted him and he denied it and said to test him as I had done in the past but I couldn’t find the tests as I think he must have thrown them away. Its really hard to see if his pupils are dilated as he has really dark brown eyes. I hadn’t thought about testing in the loo as he quite often doesn’t flush in the mornings before he goes to work so it doesn’t wake me so that is a great tip – not that I want the test to be positive. last time I found a packet which fell out of his pyjama pocket as I was tidying the bedroom was a week after we had got married and he swore that he wouldn’t take it again – this was the third time I had found packets. I can’t comprehend how coke can be more important than your wife but it obviously is – it’s so sad and you feel so let down x
Hi thank you for your post – I commend you for putting up with it for 15 years – that must have been so hard for you. It does reel you in and change you – I couldn’t understand why he had changed and was being nasty – I didn’t even realise coke did that to you but it all makes sense now. I thought I was going mad. I so hope for the final outcome that you have as I don’t want to give up on our marriage – we haven’t even had our honeymoon yet as it has been cancelled 3 times due to covid. Thank you x
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I can totally relate to your post but I am at the beginning of the journey and can only hope that my husband will admit that he has been taking cocaine and get help. I think at the moment he is in denial that he has a problem. However his personality has changed from the loving fun guy I met to constantly blaming me for any problems and belittling me which I believed to be true. I can now see that it isn’t me – I have blamed myself for everything as that was what he made me believe and have started taking antidepressants coupled with insomnia. I like you have always been a half glass full person but have gradually been dragged down to rock bottom. His drinking is also through the roof and I am also drinking way more than I used too. I have been in contact with CA and am attending an alanon meeting this evening on their advice. I am praying for a positive outcome to all this. What an absolutely awful drug cocaine is x
that’s exactly how I am feeling as he is so in debt. I’m at my wits end. I don’t believe a word that he says. its devastating. I really don’t know what to do x
hi yes I used to drug test him but then stopped as I was sort of embarrassed in a funny sort of way to keep doing it. The last time it didn’t go clear even after a week which when I read up is the sign of a heavy user. I have bought some more tests as he said to me this time to test him but I think he threw them away as couldn’t find them. I pray to god that he wants to stop but am scared stiff that there will always be a relapse although tonight I joined a na online meeting and it was really helpful to listen to addicts journeys and I felt a bit of a fraud being there but as it was an open meeting they were really kind to me. Good luck with everything for you x
yes I have been told about this and when we get the opportunity to actually sit down and talk as at the moment I am so distressed about everything I don’t think now is the right time to talk about whether he accepts he has an addiction which to be honest I don’t think he will. I am so sorry what you are going through. Drugs are a terrible thing that seem to have ruined so many lives – I wish you every happiness down the line x
I’m so sorry for what has happened to you – I can ultimately see the same thing for me but am terrified of not having him in my life as now it has happened 4 times and I can’t believe it is ever just going to go away. I wish you every happiness for the future x
We haven’t really got that far yet as he has said he will stop but he said that before and I don’t believe he did. He hasn’t said he would be willing to get help yet and said that he takes it due to stresses in his work and children’s lives and it helps him to forget.
I have just found out that my husband is taking cocaine again which he promised me a year ago he wouldn’t do but I have suspected for a while as he started being nasty and belittling me and blaming me for things that weren’t my fault. We have only been married just over a year and are both in our 50’s and on our second marriage. Our anniversary was awful and he was so nasty in the restaurant that I burst into tears which now I suspect he had taken cocaine that night. He says he has been taking it for 4 months but I don’t believe him and not sure that he even stopped from a year ago. I am utterly devastated and don’t know what to do – any advice would be so helpful. I want to end it but I love him too much
I am devastated. I got married to my husband just over a year ago. We are both in our 50’s and second marriage. I know he had taken cocaine in the past and a week after we married as a packet fell out of his pyjama pocket when he had left them on the floor. I was literally shaking as he promised he wouldn’t do it anymore as I had found a packet previously. I now found some more this weekend as am absolutely heartbroken. He denied it at first but then finally admitted it. He says he has been doing it for 4 months but I don’t believe him. I’m not even sure that he ever stopped. He used to be such a kind loving person to me but over the last year he has been belittling me and putting me down and his personality has changed although I do see the old husband he used to be as well. I just don’t know what to do. He doesn’t contribute to the running of the house, promises me he will give me money towards bills. It was my house that he moved in too. Anyone with any advice it would be very gratefully received