[dee71]

Yes, you’re totally right there, Danman. He has talked about getting out of the bar work and doing something more sedate in a hotel for example. I think he is pretty worn out with the job being 45 years old now, but that hasn’t happened as yet. Time will tell I guess.

I’m trying to be supportive, but I also can’t help but challenge him. I keep trying to let him know my challenging him on his Cocaine use comes from a place of love.

[dee71]

Yep, exactly right. There are a lot of legal bad things out there too, but like you say, they don’t generally grip you as much as drugs do and ruin every aspect of your life.

I only travel out twice a year, usually for up to a three-week stay. I usually go in March and September. I’d go out more if I could, but money won’t allow me. Having retired from nursing years ago due to ill health, I now work for myself and money is always tight sadly.

I can take a wild guess that the two times I am there is not the only time this all occurs. He works really long hours (up to 11 hours a day depending on how busy his bar is) and has just Tuesday’s off. I can imagine him taking the Coke just to keep himself energised.

I don’t know Danman. Who ever knows except the person themselves?

You’re right about excuses. He totally plays it down as nothing, but just the mere fact he does it at all makes me doubt it isn’t a bigger issue.

[dee71]

Danman, thanks so, so much for your kind reply. You have been a massive help to me.

I think deep down I know he has a problem. When I was last there, he said that he only takes it now and again and doesn’t ‘have to take it’. My response to that was ‘well if that is the case, just stop taking it if it is a choice and not an addiction’.

He then went on to say stuff like everything can be addictive – junk food, coffee, cigarettes, booze, but they are all legal and nobody says anything about that. Just stupid lame excuses and reasons for doing the Coke and how it is perfectly ok and that I shouldn’t worry about him.

I am so sorry to hear your story and the loss of your friend. I really take my hat off to you for your desire to quit and your drive to do so. As you say, that is half the battle and he must want to do that to for himself.

I have more or less pleaded with him to not take it, but it falls on deaf ears. You are bang on right that working in a bar is a massive issue. It is the whole party atmosphere that will be fuelling the fire of his Coke use. Ever since he left school he has being working in various bars and so it is deeply ingrained in him – that lifestyle.

I think what you say here is so true. I think he does associate me coming over with him being able to let rip, take a few lines and drink all night, especially with his day off the next day. I also think you are right that he is hooked and not just taking the drug when I am there. This must be an ongoing thing.

Drug use is so hard when you are on the outside looking in. I feel powerless to do anything and it really is up to him to want to stop. It makes me so frustrated as in other aspects, he takes care of his fitness, goes to the gym regularly, eats wells but it is the Coke, binge drinking and smokes that are a problem.

Thanks so much again, Danman. Just having someone to talk with about this and gain insight from has really helped me so much. I wish you all the best with your own journey.

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