[desperate92]

Thank you so much for your reply as it’s comforting to relate to someone but I also wish that you weren’t at the same time. It’s a really odd feeling.

My fiancé was clean for 7 months and I felt that after about 3-4 months, I started to get him back. He did find that he needed another thing to keep him busy instead of picking up the vape. This turned out to be his Xbox and I didn’t mind. He was then talking to friends and family his mind was clear. Maybe your son needs the same output?

Also, do you congratulate him for getting so far? I made a note on the calendar and every month was treated as a milestone (obviously until the relapse this week). It was something to look forward to and focus on.

I hope he starts to see how lucky he is for having such caring parents as many would have turned their back. Each day you will feel stronger too and feel less anxious as well

[desperate92]

He says he does want to quit but as he’s just been sober for 7 months, he’s not seeing this lapse as a addiction issue but he keeps calling it “a blip” instead. Am I being harsh and as he’s just managed to go 7 months without it, does he deserve that “blip”? I don’t think that’s right but I have no idea how to deal with this and what’s the right thing to do.

Some advice says you shouldn’t shout at them or blame them both other posts say to be strong and don’t be enabler. I’m finding it so hard with what to do.

Yes it’s the last smoke at night and because I go to bed before him then there isn’t anyone but himself to say no to. I think that’s where he struggles

[desperate92]

You’re not wrong and I’m dealing with the same thing. If he’s denying it to you, it’s because he’s then denying it to himself to make himself think that he hasnt got a problem.

My fiancé started vaping it about a year ago and broke down to me a couple of months as he had got himself into £50k of debt by doing it. I do honestly believe that they won’t change unless they want to.

My fiancé has just relapsed after 7 months clean and I’m gutted….

How much does he usually smoke? Does he exercise or is there anything you could do to take him away from it? I find that if I put chores in place or convince him to go running with me then that takes his mind off doing it. Also, he plays on his Xbox to keep his mind busy too

[desperate92]

Hi ,

I’m so sorry to hear what you have been going through and I can completely relate as my fiancé was a heavy weed user and you are completely right when you say it changes their personality. I have also found that doctors or any help sites don’t want to help as there is a stigma that weed isn’t a drug that needs help and they’re looking for a higher class drug instead. We really struggled to find anyone and talk to frank refused to speak to us too as we’re based in wales.

How is he doing now and did rehab work?

My partner just went through 7 months clean and I thought we cracked it until the last couple of weeks where I found that he was back to it again. He’s blaming the fact that we’ve pushed our wedding to next year (because of COVID) and we’ve cancelled our holiday. Yes I’m gutted about those things too but I don’t go off the rails…. he just doesn’t understand. The reason for him quitting in the first place was because he told me that he is in £50k worth of debt because of his addiction. I’m now working full time for one job, working at a testing centre and doing a masters degree… it’s exhausting

[desperate92]

Also, we have tried to get help but as it isn’t a “stronger drug” I feel that we’re not taken seriously and we are told to just deal with it on our own.

I think the hardest thing is that nobody knows either. His parents are completely oblivious and as we’ve been in lockdown for nearly a year, I told friends he got clean and they don’t need to know anything else.

I’m so alone

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