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Ryan what a beautiful insightful amazing young man you are. Do cry for the little boy but he isnt lost he has you remind yourself of that often. You will make a wonderful father and great husband to someone and I don’t know what your hopes and dreams are but you would also be an absolute gem of a care worker or addiction therapist. You write beautifully and have a deep understanding of what is important and real. I wish you love and luck in whatever you do and never forget you are amazing x
My daughter is in the same position as you. All I can offer is what will you say to your son or your daughter when they ask why didn’t you take them out of this situation when they were little. You have a choice my lovely, they don’t. They will see too much and hear too much and learn how unsafe the world is at an early age. It’s very possible your little boy will make his daddy his hero and seek his approval in terms of copying what he see’s I know its hard but our kids need the best start we can give them and is it not better for them to feel loved safe nurtured and comfortable with one parent who makes their world ok rather than with two and be subjected to all the horrors that addiction brings?
Sorry if this is not what you want to hear but you as a wonderful woman and a great mummy deserve more…what will you teach your little girl? How will you show your little boy strength and confidence? Get yourself some decent help, a good support network and get the hell out of there with your kids intact x x