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Such a sad story. You need to put yourself first and either kick him out or leave. He is too self absorbed at the moment to consider you and you can’t keep living like that. I know it’s terrifying to think of being alone and looking after yourself but you will be ok. I’ve done it recently myself and I am so much happier, calmer and positive about the future. If you need any advice please ask.
Hi Kells bells
Your story is so sad, 24 years is a long time to be with someone and to have to watch them change so much in such a short time. His recent decline sounds to have been quite quick and the lock down is truly awful for people already suffering from anxiety.
I left my husband in February because I couldn’t cope with his poor mental health and drinking. It was like living with a ticking time bomb, some days he would be ok and others he would explode and become an evil monster.
But he just couldn’t see that he was doing anything wrong and would turn the blame on to me, saying that I was being too oppressive, trying to control him and smothering him because I am insecure.
I worry about what will become of him now I have left, we still talk but it is hard one day things seem positive and the next he pushes away. I know I have done the right thing by leaving but I also feel like I have abandoned him. It’s so sad.
Hi VMac
I’m sorry to hear about your fiancé. When you have been together for that long you don’t want to give up on them but at the same time your future must seem so bleak if he won’t stop drinking or gambling.
I’ve been with my husband 6 years and had to leave him in February because I couldn’t take it anymore. Like your fiance he had no money and I was supporting him financially and he was drinking 2 bottles of wine day and pints of lager on top of that. I have a teengage son so I had to protect him because my husband was verbally abusive to both of us.
Have you thought about what you want? With people like your fiancé and my husband it becomes so much about them that you lose yourself.
I left my husband 2 months ago because I had reached the point where I couldn’t cope with the monster he became when he drinks. Some evenings he would be affectionate and others he would be horrible. He won’t accept he has a problem and he won’t get help.
I miss him so much and I want to be with him but I can’t live with him like he is now. We are still talking and some days I think we can overcome it but at the moment we are barely speaking. He gets so angry and defensive when I say he needs help and he pushes me away.
I think the best way we can all cope at the moment is to keep talking to each other. You are all trapped with the people in your lives who are drinking right now so the best we can all do is talk and support each other.