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The only conclusion we can come to is that he is still using but then if he isn’t going out of the house is his gf getting it for him? I text her to ask if she is enabling him but she didn’t reply. He has cut off all contact with all his family who have always been supportive. His brother has text him several times but has given up when he hasn’t replied. His dad was with me when we went round the other night. He texts him all the time trying to get him to respond. My worry is that he is going to continue on this path until he has spent all the money he got from selling his house. Then I worry what he will do when he has no money and no job but still wants to use. Also we are having to pay back the family member who lent him money to sort his debts. I just think the longer he leaves it the worse it is all going to be, especially as he has missed his kids birthdays and Christmas not seeing them. I wonder if it is best to leave him to it but it has already been three months and I really don’t think he is going to come round.
Hi Danman, we drove past where our son loves tonight and his gf was just parking up. I spoke to her and asked how he was. She said he was asleep. It was 6 pm at night! I tried to talk to her but she is not very helpful. I asked if he is any worse but she just says he is the same. I said how upset I was because of his text before he went away. She said she didn’t know what he had said in the text. I said he isn’t having a life if he isn’t going anywhere. I also said how upset I have been and how this has been making me ill. She went up to the flat to ask if he would speak to us but when she came down he had said no, he will ring when he is ready. I said maybe when he is ready we won’t be. It’s his daughter’s birthday next week and he probably won’t get in touch as he didn’t for his son’s birthday before xmas. He has not been in touch with the mums either and they tend not to ask us anymore because all we can say is he hasn’t been in touch. It’s just such a mess. He loves his kids and when he is not on drugs he is great with them. I just think he is burying his head in the sand, not admitting or wanting to stop. I really thought that not seeing his kids would make him stop but it hasn’t.
Hi Hox, hope you are ok and still staying strong. Thinking of you xx
Hi Danman, is it seven weeks now! You are doing so well. I have come to the conclusion that my son probably just went on holiday and didn’t want to be mithered so told us not to contact him. I am just so annoyed with him. He told me he was missing his kids and I have reminded him about this and asked him when he is going to do something about it. I also reminded him it is his daughter’s birthday next week. He missed his son’s for what ever reason!! Again no response. I am just so angry with him and want to text him how awful he is. I also wanted to text his gf and tell her if she is going to keep enabling him that I will be holding her partly responsible if anything happens to him. Feeling really really angry tonight.
Back to you, keep on reading and being good. Enjoy your weekend.
Ideas for books to read. These are all old books and some have been made into films. Dan Brown thriller novels – start with Angels and Demons. Mark Haddon – The curious incident of the Dog in the Night time. The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger – love story (but with an interesting twist). Life of Pi. Not sure if they are up your street but just suggestions.
You enjoy yourself. You deserve it xx
Oh Jennifer, it’s really not fair for you at all. Difficult to advise what to do. Maybe the next time you are going out you could arrange for someone else to be in the house with your son, if possible. You need to have a life too.
Hi Danman, with regard to my son’s gf I don’t think she is controlling but I think she stands by him and supports him whatever he is doing. We haven’t known her long but he has been living with her since before he sold his house. She helped us clear and clean his house. I have asked her when she thinks we can see/talk to him but not had a reply yet. I think you have got confused with another post as his gf isn’t pregnant. He stopped contacting us after he got his money from selling the house. Maybe he went on a coke binge and then felt guilty about it so has hardly been in touch since. We just don’t know. Something has defo gone on this week though. We just have to wait and see if he or she gets in touch.
Seems like you are still being good which is fantastic. How’s the decorating going?
Hi Jennifer, my son eventually went self employed but that stopped as he was continually letting customers down and getting a bad reputation. We thought that it was best for him to be in work but now realise that the only reason he would go to work was to get money for coke. It’s a catch 22 situation cos if not working then what will they do in order to get money for drugs. I just hope that my son will talk to us as he has not really been in contact still since November. Thinking of you all this weekend xx
Hi Carol, sorry to hear about your long standing battle with your son and his addictions. It’s good that you say he has a fantastic family now and I hope they are helping and taking some of the pressure off you. Stay strong and keep the love for your son flowing xx
I don’t think any of his mates have his phone number or contact details any more since he moved in with his present gf. Over the last two years he has lived with us on and off as he wasn’t coping in his house on his own so yes we have always been close. But this time he has avoided contact with us since November when we helped him to sell his house.
He has not been in contact with any members of our family now for some time. He’s also not in contact with any of his mates anymore. Some of them ask about him when we see them and I find it difficult what to say to them.
Glad it’s helped Alan. Best of luck.
Hi MissM, all I can suggest is that you let him know that you are there for emotional support but not financial support any more. I know it must be heartbreaking to see your son like this. Be strong xx
Hi Danman, no he hasn’t been in touch at all. Something has definitely gone on this week but really don’t know what. I have been texting his gf all week. The replies are a bit worrying i.e. He’s good at the moment, doing well and he’s not too bad, just asleep at the moment. He did say that she would not be able to give us any info and that it was nothing to do with drugs. We are both at our wits end. My mind has been slightly distracted with starting my new job but I worry about him coming constantly.