[dnanon]

Well at least you are admitting that you have a serious addiction and that is definitely a start. So, as I said to my son, who is 30 what do you want to do about it! If you can afford £500 a month then you must be still working. It’s good that your daughters are well looked after but is that by your partner or ex partner? I have a son who has had a cocaine addiction for approx 10 years and despite offering all our support we have not heard from him since November. I am hoping that with your post you are reaching out and thinking of quitting. If so, read the posts from Danman as he has been clean for 4 weeks and trying so hard to quit. Good luck.

[dnanon]

Hi Bluebell, yes it is awful as I know where he is but he won’t answer or let us in. I asked his gf to pick up his xmas presents that we bought him but we have no idea whether he opened them. Sent him messages for the New Year – nothing back! It sounds to me like you really don’t need your ex as you are coping just fine with your kids and their challenges. Hope you can rely on your parents for help too. Don’t be afraid to ask. We do our bit for all our grand children and sometimes more to try and make up for their dad not being around.

[dnanon]

Glad you are enjoying ‘normal things’, like shopping and decorating. Normal things can be so great. I see my son’s friends in the supermarket with their kids and think why can’t my son be like that. He only lives a mile away, literally up the road but we can’t get access as he lives in a flat. We know from previous experience when he lived in his house that he would just ignore us even though he was in. I asked his present gf if we could meet up and have a chat but she said she would have to ask him. She said she is standing by him and doing her best to support him with how he is dealing with his ‘issues’. I told her not to bother as he will just say no. We have got his daughter here today. My husband will take her to football tomorrow. These are things he should be doing and she asks us questions about whether we have seen him’ how he is. She is 10 years old and knows he has a drug problem but doesn’t really understand. She shouldn’t have to deal with this at her age.

[dnanon]

Absolutely brilliant. You are doing so well. I expect your gf and family are feeling the benefits. Sounds like you definitely are. Keep it up. In a few weeks time you will be feeling even better. Unfortunately I have had a week of no response from by son. I have had a rant on my previous thread and feeling pretty crap. You stay strong, no drink, no drugs – excellent.

[dnanon]

I have had a really bad day today. Spent all day being angry with my son and crying. Took it out on my husband and was ratty with him because that’s what we do. I haven’t seen my son since November. Since he got in touch the other week about ‘missing his kids loads’ and I responded he hasn’t replied to any more texts, or have had a short answer. I told him about the Louise Clarke video on YouTube and asked if he had watched it. He replied ‘not yet’. I have now got her book which I sent for but don’t think I will read it until I am in a stronger frame of mind. I am sick of feeling so distraught and upset every time I think of my son.

[dnanon]

Thank you so much for all the replies. It’s useful to hear how it affects partners. The trouble is although we offered support to my son’s previous partner she denied he was taking cocaine, even though we told her all the symptoms which he was demonstrating. We also know she herself took it in the early days together so I find it hard that she didn’t know. Anyway his latest partner as far as I can tell just leaves him to it. She goes to see her family a lot and doesn’t commit when we ask her outright if he is taking it. Danman it’s really good that you are trying your best to stop and I wish you all the best – stick at it and I am sure your life will improve massively eventually without it. It’s good that you able to talk to your mum and keep that communication going (whatever happens). I wish my son would talk to me or his dad about it. We have tried to speak to him face to face on many occasions when he lived in his house. He would just not answer the door, mobile etc no matter what we did. He know lives in a flat so we can’t even get access through the front door to get to his flat. Bluebell so sorry you have had to resort to divorce to escape your husband’s habit. I think it is very brave and you and your son’s will have a much better quality of life. Hox, listen to what Bluebell is saying as she has been through it and it will only get worse. Sometimes myself and my husband have discussed moving away but we have the rest of our family around us that I don’t want to leave. Also even though my husband has taken the brunt of my son’s aggression many times he is always the one that keeps trying to break the ice and get through to him.

[dnanon]

When you say it is a waiting game, I wouldn’t be waiting too long. It sounds like it is still a social thing so perhaps you can give him an ultimatum about choosing between his family or ‘coke’. I am not telling you what to do but I wish my son’s partners had been more confrontational from the start. Also I wish they had told us about his problem then maybe we could have worked together.

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