[dodger03]

Hi Trina,

I can really relate to your story as my ex fiancé also works for his parents 2 weeks before our sons first Christmas he confessed to using, we had been together 10 years before our now nearly 10 month old.

How I am coping and how I’ve delt with it is this not saying it’s the right way but will tell you my reasons.

Evicted him from my home.

Told his parents what was going on.

Told Soical services about my concerns.

Made a concious effort to keep up activities with my son to make sure he had things to take his mind off his dad not being around as for a week or so I think his eating was effected.

Insisted on a drugs test if he wanted child contact.

Refused child contact in mine sons home.

Contacted the CMS to attempt to claim maintenance.

So far not rushed to court, as if he is using I can’t allow that around my son anyway.

I drink 2 litres of water a day and take vitamins to try and stay healthy go for walks with friends and tell my mum the truth about what’s going on.

The reason why I’ve done these things is because I belive that if I didn’t and something happened to my son, I would never forgive myself.

It’s heart breaking but when you have kids you have alot to live for and you need to keep your own mind in tact in order to look after them. I don’t do nights out myself more meals out in the day with my son and excerise by walking with friends so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on a social life.

It’s tough but you know what I think you have to be thier rock when he cannot. Because kids deseve better.

Playgroups, ball pits, sand pits, swimming reading them stories buying them clothes that make them feel nice.

Sometimes I feel like mabe too much activities as like overcompensating because he’s lost he’s dad to addiction.

All I can do is hope a pray that he one day sees sence.

So far it’s been a month since he missed our sons first Christmas over a drugs test! He was removed from my home by the police for refusing to take a test.

He can’t get up after a Friday night to do the activities. Sadly after all of his failed promises in the past I just can do him on top of looking after my son, as I feel like ultimately trying to have patience with someone who’s isn’t helping themselves will turn me into a resentful person and that’s not who I want to be. I think when you maintain the distance you get back peace in your life, you children get consistency.

I said to my ex that he had been in and out of my life every 5 minutes ( exaturation but still) for the last 10 years and I’m not prepared to let him break my sons heart.

So I said I will take the strain on this one. Even if it hurts me at least my son only has to get over it the ONCE and not back and forth heart broken wondering when his dad’s going to come home or if he will come home.

I spoke to a lady at my Playgroup who was a psychologist in addition she said it frustrated even her working with these people because sometimes they seem so genuine with all the best intentions but the addiction often takes hold.

My Ex is sadly one who thinks he has no alcohol or drug problems claiming he can stop wherever he wants but then doesn’t.

Supposedly according to the psychologist there are ways they can get over it with:

Environmental support.

Medication

Councilling

The highest success rate was in spiritualism which is aparently 20% that is in Kenya not brittan but still was an interesting opinion.

There’s just so much to consider when they set foot in your home. That’s supposed to be your safe place the place u can go to bed early with no one wanting to stay awake late, the place that’s your meant to be able to inwind not get riddled with anxiety from all of the stress. It’s tough on your own I’m not gonna lie but if you look after yourself and have good support network things can improve.

If you got the patience for it your probably better equipped than me, both my parents were alcoholics one was present and the other I only met 5 times. So couldn’t do round 2 in my adult life as I seen enough of it.

Should have known better than to gravitate towords addict right, stupidly always trying to fix my past in my future, it does have an effect of kids.

But if he wants to step in and play the roll of the addict.

I will always rescue the child x good luck

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