[dontgiveup]

Well it’s been over 4 weeks and haven’t touched it, sleeping pattern is awful since as I’ll go sleep 12am then wake up every 2 hours but adds are to triple the amount of hours slept than a few months ago. Have my daughter ever mon and we’d which is lush, but still not use to not seeing her for the other 5 which is horrible and don’t know what to do with myself but watched 6 series game of thrones in the 4 weeks I’ve been clean haha. But thank you for everyone’s advise it ment alot to me and to get it out to to you lot before making the steps and breaking the news to my now ex girlfriend. Long way to go for sure , but feeling on the right path amd postive to get further amd get my life back on track

[dontgiveup]

Thank you mate, I feel like I’m on a constant come down. Always feeling drained since I last taken it but guessing that’s because it’s been in my system every day for months and months and months so guessing this is just the ultimate come down

[dontgiveup]

Got to see my daughter today for 5 hours which was amazing. Went to the park, then beach, out for lunch, followed by a nap in the pram, then back to the park. She didn’t want me to take her in my car which was awkward but guess expected as use of coke had been there. Haven’t touched the stuff for 5 days now. Her parents are very negative towards me which is a shame as they loved me alot before. Made an appointment at the doctors for Wednesday coming to sort mental health and addiction. Nearly got some last night but managed to get past it which made me sick amd shaking but felt proud for doing it. Actually slept before midnight and didn’t sweat like a pig either. Got alot to prove and a long way ahead but I’m feeling postive about it but of course still get very negative at times with hatred towards myself for ruining everything I had. Broke the news to my gran parents which are like my parents to me and they took it okau as they said everyone deserves a second chance and will do anything to support me. Told my dealers and close friends too. Hopefully I will update this post 2 times a week with positive messages and progression. I thank every one who has taken there time to help and advise and share similar experiences

[dontgiveup]

Well woke up this morning and I broke the news to the partner and we’ll, it’s all gone how I would of imagined. She’s packed up and left while I went to work, and on my 2 hour brake when I would always go see my beautiful daughter I was told not to go near her. Hearing her say I couldn’t see her destroyed me more than actually telling her my problems. Im still at work now as I don’t finish till 11pm and I’m dreading walking through that door to a empty flat , no little girl , no partner, nothing. But I guess this is the first part of trying to sort myself. I told my boss about it as he has noticed a change in me as I’ve worked there full time since I was 17 and I’m now 25. I feel ashamed of myself, dissapointed, failure. Hit the bottom of the bottom now and feel so alone. Going to be a haRd night to stay sober

[dontgiveup]

Thank you for the advise mate. And yeah I do believe that’s the reason why is to numb the pain as I never had help to get over it , just kept living day by day. Then after my daughter my gf was pregnant again and we had a miscarriage which broke up completely. She can’t tell I’m on it, all my friends don’t understand how she doesn’t because I’m blowing my nose every 20 minutes. I sweat awful in my sleep and she hates it which I never use to, and when I say sweat I literally mean I wake up with the bed almost looking like I’ve wet myself. I lie even about eating as I say I eaten before she got back from work etc. Just got myself into a deep whole of lies, debts, addiction. And if I delete all numbers and people out of my life that use coke. I would hardly any friends, and best friends I have known for 17 years plus. Knowing to get better I know I will loose friends, girlfriend, loosing seeing my beautiful daughter who keeps me going, loosing the chance to see her everyday brakes me just the thought. It’s all just too much with my mental health. But I also kmow if I don’t say , it will be all revealed one day and just makes me sniff more to forget about it and try to be semi normal. My gf has noticed a change in me, even said she wants the old me back. I am and not blowing my own trumpet but I am a really nice kind caring person, and ahh just hate myself for this. Wish I could just wind back clock and never got myself so deep as I am now. If I did belive my mum was looking down now she would be so dissapointed. As she was almost a local celeb as she was the nicest person people had ever met. And I could of beenergy carrying the legacy. I can’t turn to my dad as he’s 68 with heart problems, lives in his own for 15 years and he would just cru every night worrying me and if you knew him you would understand I can’t tell him. I know it’s small step that’s needed and I just struggle so bad knowing about all my lies and what will happen after even the first step as I’m going to loose my gf, my chance to see my daughter everyday, gf parents are lovely but also a little judgemental amd would hate me and make my gf pull even further from me, as non of her family even smoke, let alone touch aby kind of drug. It’s nice I can let out it all on this forum as never been on anything like this , feels good someone knowing for some weird reason amd I thank anyone who replies or talks to me about it

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