Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Ladies
I’m currently homeless although the council don’t agree… they say I should force my way in as I am joint tenant.
He didn’t have any stuff yesterday and he switched… told me and our child not to come back to house anymore. I didn’t beg or plead. This time I just said okay.
I can’t do it anymore. I’m at my lowest ebb.
Now he’s started on a campaign to destroy me.
I have to contact a charity to help me apparently… staying at friends and family for a bit while I try to sort it out.
Can you leave? Contact Women’s Aid or one of the other domestic violence charities.
I feel as if I am losing the plot a bit tbh. Today the windows were shut as he’s using and it smells and he’s paranoid… then he’s smoking… it is insufferable.
Thankfully this morning I’d gone to help a friend and on the way back took our child in the playground so at least we’d been outside and had some fresh air.
It just makes me so sad as I’d have had all the windows open and been pottering outside with our child playing in the garden… instead I’m locked inside with him ranting and raving.
He got in such a bad mood as we are broke… no money to pay bills that are overdue. I will try and get free fresh food tomorrow via a community food share thingy.
I’ve lost any sympathy I had too. It is a choice and regardless… why drag others down with you? He can do it alone and not inflict this poverty, volatility and restricted life on us. I wish he’d just go. I’m so angry inside. I can never forgive him.
Have you tried speaking to the council about getting housed if he is going to make you homeless? Are you in a position to rent somewhere privately?
Mine has locked me out of our house several times. It’s so stressful and scary.
Unfortunately the thinking it’s normal and acceptable is something I’ve gone through with my addict. It’s impossible to get them to stop. They have to want to… and be ready etc.
Mine is also always angry with something, abusive, controlling etc. I’m trying to leave. I can’t take it anymore and I’m scared of the impact on our child.
Sorry no one replied to your post.
Most of the people using the forum are based in the UK. We don’t typically use health insurance. I’m not sure what ARD is.
Can you make a referral to social services regarding your brother? Maybe they could step in as your mum shouldn’t be having to change your brother at his age and her age.
Yeah the no escape is horrendous. I was actually thinking about that earlier. I can’t even get the house tidied because I’m not allowed to touch anything in case I accidentally touch his stuff/throw it away etc. I used to wait til he’d go out/go to work, tidy up a bit and quickly rush round vacumming etc.
At one point he was going out just to get out of the house (like to the gym) so I’d still get some respite… but lately it’s been incessant. I’m the one who has been going out quite a bit just to get out… and then he wonders why!
I’m so sorry. I hope this is the wake up call he needs and that he is able to follow through on working with the help that is offered to him.
Hey ladies
Another hot day, another day of him getting stuff, using, sitting in the bath stinking (he sweats so bad when he uses and it makes him stink!) and wandering around constantly calling me to do things for him and generally being paranoid… child is at childcare so that’s good… but I’m so fed up of it. I just want to run away. I feel so trapped at the moment and so overwhelmed by it. I don’t know why I feel so different the past week or so… just had enough.
I hope everyone else’s days are going better! xx
Hi Shell
That is good that you’ve spoken to Victim Support. I’m glad they were able to signpost you to some services who might be able to help you.
A lot of people don’t realise they are being abused. There are so many different types of abuse. Some of it can be quite covert, subtle and co-ercive.
Even when a person is being more obviously abused, it doesn’t necessarily make it any easier to get away from or to stop. Abusers are very good at manipulating situations to make you feel scared to leave or end a relationship.
You might want to look up Trauma Bonding and Co-dependence. It’s common to feel love for the person – especially the good side of them and the person you thought you were getting etc.
Yes, mine will definitely be living in a pig sty too. Whenever I leave for a few days and come back, it’s absolutely filthy, so messy and disgusting.
You are right Natasha – our child has become quite detached from him already. He even noticed/knows. He blames me, saying it is because they spend all their time with me.. but makes no attempt to rectify this. I am quite certain our child will make their own mind up. ????
Yeah I think there is a definite link.
I guess some people could also go through those things and not try drugs or not become addicted. So there is probably also personality as a factor.
I have suspicions my addict has borderline personalty disorder. He also has very nacisstic traits.
One of my friends has become a cocaine addict since lockdown. She says she uses coke to cope with the stress of every day life.. she is mum to a young child who it looks as if is on the spectrum, so quite challenging behaviour etc. She also had a traumatic early childhood where her mother abandoned her for the first 5 years of her life.
I’m leaving partly for the reason you mentioned about your daughter. I don’t want my child to repeat any of this.
Once you have your CV, try recruitment agencies as well as the normal direct job applications. Some agencies have great temp to permanent jobs… so you get in on a temporary contract and if it’s a good fit you get offered permanent. It can be an easier way of getting a permanent job if you don’t have loads of experience with other employers.
Yes, I’m currently in a joint social housing tenancy. So I’m on the housing list to be rehoused as a sole tenant with our child.. I’m disabled with chronic illnesses and other impairments so I get some points due to that. Housing know some of issues such as the mental health and volatility, but they don’t know about the drugs.
My parents are late 70s and I really feel it might kill one of them if I told them. They are both already so worried about me and the child.
I totally understand- it is very distressing and sad facing up to the reality. The fact that the person who was once affectionate, who you could once connect with and talk to and who took an interest in you, is now gone and replaced by the cold, unloving and distant person.
I see that even with my child. They cannot connect with their dad 95% of the time. Is the addict your daughter’s dad?
You say you’d stay if you didn’t have kids… have you looked into co-dependency and trauma bonding? I’ve stayed way too long because of this. I care way too much about him and it is misplaced. He doesn’t care even half as much as me.
xx
Hi and welcome Buster
This is my life -> ‘… feel like I’m existing with a house mate who has no interest in anything much’
I’m the mum though and the father of my child (and my partner) is the addict.
So, I can’t seem to turn it round. I finally gave up trying and since then am just existing while I wait to get out. I’m waiting to be rehoused. My mental health has also nose dived. It is unbearable and I’m desperate to go.
Is it possible you could leave and take care of your children by taking them with you? I know you said she’d self harm, but at what point does she reach rock bottom? I need mine to get there. Mentally he got there twice in the past year, but because I was living with him, he was still able to get by and survive so he didn’t get help.
On his own he will either sink or swim. I can’t be responsible for him…he is making his own choice in his addiction. Your wife is too. They are not choosing their children or their partners… they are choosing the drugs. So we have to be the responsible ones and choose a normal life and the children and if they want to they can get clean and follow.
Not unexpectedly Shell. What you’ve been through is very traumatic.
What are you feeling? Have you got anyone you can talk to outside of on here?
Have you thought about reporting it to police? Victim support would be there for you too.