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Sounds as if you had a very productive day Natasha.
Mine is also the same. He does nothing. Came back from party and he ordered me to make him 2 egg and bacon sandwiches. He waited til I came back. He literally just eats crisps and junk food while I’m gone.
He was meant to build our child’s bike for them or help me do it. Instead yesterday high and today come down.
What kind of a father is that? I could build bike myself but he controls everything in the house and won’t let me. xx
I’m glad you go out Mammy though sorry it cost you when you can’t afford it. I did similar… was my child’s birthday. My parents paid for a party. So we did that. I had to pay for a few things and dinner (kebab).
Lazy B (I like that Natasha!) didn’t come… in fact even worse, he slept in… so by the time we left at just gone noon, he hadn’t even surfaced. Our child had waited since 8ish for him to wake up so they could open their presents and cards! We left with them unopened. Is this how it is gonna be?
Child and I had a great time at the party.
Came back and he said he’s gonna ask his family for money and wants me to ask mine too! Like how cheeky is that?When we’d be fine if he hadn’t spent all the family money on the white stuff, cigarettes and drink!
He has been volatile to me tonight. He was awful last night. He’s extremely paranoid and on a come down.
xx
Yes. Partner to partner abuse is considered domestic even if you don’t live together. There is also familial abuse which is considered domestic… like a daughter hitting a mother or being verbally abusive or controlling.
What kind of things does your son do Mammy?
My kid is affected – I can feel how frustrated they are, they also don’t want to live here, I get hit a lot by them now when they feel frustrated as they are not able to voice it, to cry or have their own mindset etc … they are only little. It’s really sad. I’m worried and it’s another reason I’m desperate to leave.
The food thing is so hard. Yesterday I ended up spending 30 on food in Aldi which is basically taken from bill money. So now I dunno how to pay all them. It’s making me so anxious. On my own I’m so good with money and can even save!
I think the next step for me is to go back to council and ask if it’s worth getting reassessed/would I get rebanded higher if I were to do so.
Otherwise, I have the option of speaking to my MP or local councillors.
Have you tried talking to your MP or councillors Mammy?
Natasha – No, it makes total sense! The freedom. I’m glad you were able to do that and make time for yourself.
I know what you mean Natasha. I just want mine to go. Or for me to break free.
I actually felt incredibly desperate yesterday. I was having feelings I didn’t want… just absolutely desperate. Made so much worse by the fact I applied to the housing register a year ago and I’ve not had anything to bid on for 2 weeks now so feel no hope.
He has been so emotionally and financially abusive to me the past week.
I’m sorry you are struggling with money so much too. It’s horrendous and so embarrassing. People must wonder why I can’t afford things because on paper I should be able to… he still hasn’t paid me back all my wages that he took.
It’s really difficult when you’ve lost all trust. If you don’t have children then perhaps consider if this is something you wish to continue dealing with… he sounds as if he is not capable of stopping by himself.
I’m so sorry Shell. You deserve so much more. Have you contacted Women’s Aid or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline for some support?
I’m in the same boat. I’m desperately trying to leave. This week has been pure hell. I don’t know how much more I can take. He has nowhere to go so I’m trying to get out by getting rehoused. So far I’ve been waiting a year. His level of usage is so bad at the moment. It’s unbearable.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents and that you feel so alone dealing with this.
You are not alone. There are so many of us in similar circumstances.
I feel much the same. I’m going mad not knowing what to do or where to turn. I desperately want to get out and leave… but I can’t until I’m rehoused – unless I declare myself homeless. I have a young child so this option is scary and I don’t think the addict (also their parent) would agree to it.
Like you said… I feel so lonely, sad and anxious. He is not there for me and won’t properly chat or engage. He blames me for his addiction (even though it turns out he had exactly the same addiction years ago before he met me and I knew nothing about it).
I cannot tell anyone the full extent of what’s going on. People know bits here and there. It’s such a burden. I haven’t told any of my family… they only know he has bad mental health issues and is incredibly volatile.
In your position I would try to find a job. Is that something you could do? I think it helps to proactively do something that’s you taking control of your life as so much of our lives are taken out of our hands.
At least that way you can have your own money, independence and if you wish to live on your own you can work towards that.
Also seek out as much support for yourself as you can.
P.S. I have met a number of addicts. Every one I’ve met had childhood trauma. Even the unobvious ones who had outwardly middle or upper class upbringings. When you spoke to them candidly eventually it came out… sexual abuse, parental abandonment or a lack of attachment/nurturing, physical abuse…
I’m sure there are exceptions to the rule but there was definitely a theme.
Mine had a traumatic childhood involving severe abuse and neglect. He was put in care and further abused and institutionalised.
He fell in with the wrong crowd.
He never had a stable parental figure or roots in 1 place and was introduced to drugs by a family member!
He has dabbled in drugs on and off with a couple of periods of severe addiction – by that I mean he literally was living to take the drugs and ending up with nothing. One of these is happening now and the other I only found about recently but happened years ago.
I think mine has such bad trauma and mental health issues that are untreated that drugs seem some kind of fix or respite/relief. In reality, they are not that at all.
He is now traumatising me and his child… we will have problems going forwards because of what he’s doing.
I really feel as if they create their own reality – where all this stuff is acceptable. Mine doesn’t really disappear like that but he does seem to have normalised a lifestyle that is far from normal.
The eggshells feeling is not good.
Make sure to seek whatever help and support you can for yourself.