[dragonella]

Thank you very much, I’ll try Icarus. I feel quite helpless otherwise xx

[dragonella]

Hi Honey

Of course the little boy comes first. Him and my son were with me most of the weekend.

What I have put a stop to is picking him up once a week to look after him for the day.

The story behind that is that she has been offered alcohol support and rehabilitation.

So I took a full day off work once a week so she could go with a friend.

But that lasted about twice and she’s been using the free day to top up her booze.

That day is what I have put a stop to. As she is under orders from social services not to drink when she’s in sole charge of the little one, which is 9-5 weekdays.

My son is there the rest of the time and does the morning and tea and bedtime routine.

Not acceptable in any way shape or form.

But I am not going to look after little one while she stays at home drinking.

The friend I believe is the biggest enabler of her addiction.

My son is in a financial trap, does not even touch a drop and the only thing I have said (he is in his late twenties) is that I’m not going to make his mind up for him. But I am always here, there is a whole spare room made up and all the equipment a little one needs, high chair, cot, pram all to provide respite whenever needed.

But at the end of the day I have no parental responsibility, only they do.

I am also the single mum of another son, the uncle of little one, who has been too ill to attend school for two years now.

He is also a priority xx

[dragonella]

Hi Vixem, thank you for the advice about Gingerbread- my son is looking at that now as there’s a benefit calculator on there.

I am hoping my son decides what is for the best, at the moment he says he just doesn’t know what to do. But he does work 9-5 and is also in a band, which takes him away from home now and again. I don’t want to advise him what to do but my heart tells me the little boy needs to be removed from this toxic situation before it starts affecting him xx

[dragonella]

Hi Vixem

Well it seems there is more going on than I knew about. My son is desperately trying to do something but he says he can’t afford it. They are on a low income and she gets all the tax credits and a lot of that goes on booze. He says he simply can’t afford to be a single dad (he could live with me but I work too and he says there’s no way he could afford the child care costs on his own)

So the little boy is stuck in a vulnerable position for financial reasons and that doesn’t seem right at all.

She has announced she is taking the little boy on a camping holiday this week coming, on her own with a friend. That sounds like an impossible nightmare and my son is trying to put a stop to that, and he’s not sure how.

Once again he’s been in touch with social services but they are unable to intervene as he is the responsible parent.

I wonder what you would do if your partner announced that he was taking your daughter away like that? Xx

[dragonella]

Hi Vixem, Well I am just the grandma and my son hasn’t been in touch so I can only guess what’s happening. What I think is, everything will have all blown up after I told them I was cross about her downing a bottle of rum at my son’s 18th. And then everything will have calmed back down again. Making it seem like it’s me causing trouble! I think the problem is brushed under the carpet far too often and its the little boy who will suffer. I hope you have a bearable weekend, and manage to keep things under control xx

[dragonella]

You would think social services would be interested, but they aren’t! My son is the responsible parent, but who knows what’s going on while he’s at work. They have been involved on and off but just say they need to sort it out themselves. He can’t give up work as they already down to the bare bones financially and I can’t see her ever working.

My grandson is only 2 and is beginning to pick up on the situation. I feel quite helpless really as I know I don’t have a say, though social services know I have moved nearby and think it’s another reason they aren’t interested.

Good luck for today. And if you decide to move then this is an ideal time with school. I’m sure your mum would welcome you and your daughter with open arms xx

[dragonella]

Hi Vixem,

Don’t be ashamed. If you have to leave because of this situation it’s him that should be ashamed. You are doing the best you can for your daughter, she has to come first. Are social services involved?

I’m afraid after the events on Sunday, I have advised my son and partner that I will not be taking care of my grandson one day a week, as I am too upset about her spoiling my other son’s party. And I can ill afford a full day unpaid.

Apparently that has caused a massive storm, and he did manage to throw her out one night. Though I’m now feeling as if it’s me who causing trouble! Yes it is trouble, but I have just said I am not enabling the situation to carry on any longer by helping them, as she is not getting the help she is offered. All is quiet today, I do know my son had to take the day off yesterday, but they are keeping me on a need to know basis! And really I am here to support them but I do have another son at home who has just had two years off school due to ill health! So I am pulled in all directions xx

[dragonella]

Hi well now you know you’re not alone too! It’s so hard, I have no idea what I can do, but I actually sold my house and moved to be near them to try and help out.

I don’t want to interfere. I think I’m already viewed as someone who has found out her guilty secret. She ruins everything, even her own sons birthday, anything we try and do.

I am close enough that sometimes my son and grandson just come to me and stay overnight because he can’t stand it. And then he has to go to work.

I look after the little boy one day a week but I have no idea what she does on that day. It is supposed to be so she can go to alcohol support but I think she went once.

I think things need to come to a head.

This weekend it was my youngest sons 18th birthday. Of course it was alcohol free. But she managed to find the bottle of rum we had in the house and secretly drank it (we found the bottle after) and did the usual drama and storming off thing.

Spoiling my other sons birthday!! I am now pretty cross with her!!! Xx

[dragonella]

Hiya, my son is in exactly the same position as you, except it’s the mum who’s the alcoholic and my grandson is only two years old. Social services have been involved but they are useless as their view is that the little boy has one sensible non-alcoholic parent.

My son has no idea what he will go home to each day, and like you he is trapped because he’s the sole earner and couldn’t manage as a single parent. I really wish she could see that she risks losing everything and I am now getting completely sick of her chaotic behaviour, and beginning to think by helping her out I am simply enabling her.

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