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Well done!! You have come so far & it’s defo not an easy thing to do. You must feel so good in yourself knowing that this drug isn’t going to rule your life anymore. Keep going one step at a time ????????
Hiya I hope your ok….
I know the feeling of the lies & hurt, it becomes normal life in the end to them because that is their only way out of things.
My partner used to look up escorts on hes phone ( I would never know wether he actually met one or not)
Always stating out never coming home for days, all while I spent most days pretending to everyone that everything was so lovely and we was a perfect family! That is so hard to keep up to everyone because deep down you hate the person that is causing it all and the fact you are lying for them and covering their disgusting habit makes you feel even worse.
I had had enough after years and years of the same crap, so the final straw was when he dissapeared for a week, I was an absolute mess I thought he had died as he had no phone and didn’t contact. ( he was just completely off hes head with scum)
So I decided to have my locks changed and pack all hes things up and told him he had to go.
My eyes had been opened I didn’t want this life anymore, not sleeping properly, making dinners for the invisible, being lonely, my son not having a decent father in hes life.
He knows I have had enough and he is on the road to sorting hes life out, but he has a long way to go, and I have to be tough on him because I never ever ever will put up with that again. I hope you manage to sort things with your husband x
My partner was a heavy user and used to have jolting movements when he was lying down, and at times I thought he was having a fit! But its just through constant abuse to their bodies, and I suppose this is what it leads to. He said he couldn’t stop it from happening, so I guess it’s just affects from using drugs heavily.
Exactly children need that structure and stability, not some idiot that only thinks of himself.
I did have a little laugh when reading what you said about its so nice to feel relaxed and not have any worries when laying in bed, you can actually sleep, watch TV, eat all without worrying if they are going to cause an argument, or wether they will stroll in at 2am or wether they are dead.
It’s nice to come home and your house is the exact same as you left it, no piles of washing up, no dirty clothes, curtains open, beds made lol.
It’s funny how there drug addiction can turn you in to somebody you don’t even know, and even your own self starts to lie. It’s madness.
It’s nice not to have to cook dinner and it get thrown away to! Sometimes you just have to be cruel to be kind with addicts, as much as you want to help them, it always gets ignored untill you put your foot down and tell them you are not prepared to put up with it anymore.
Because like we have said they choose to go down that path, no one is forcing them to take it or inject it.i understand addiction but when people refuse help then in my eyes they clearly want that life!
Xx
Your fine and you can say and rant on as much as you like, I’m happy to listen, I have been there many times.
The life is very tiring, you feel constantly on edge because even if they have supposedly kicked the addiction and are getting help the fear never dissapears.
I never told anyone in my family for years, and it was eating me up daily,.lying for him, making excuses for hes behaviour. Eventually I told family 2 years ago and I ended it with my partner, he moved out for 6 months got some help and people believed he was actually going to change.
Things where great for a short period, then slowly he started to mix with wrong people and the whole lot started again, this time worse than ever.
It became a daily thing with him, and the whole not coming home, I would be cooking meals and throwing them away, all whilst looking after our son.
And then when he went missing for over a week I thought he must be dead. How wrong I was, he was choosing to mix with homeless addicts, and they was using him to run there drugs and god knows what else about.
I had never felt so worried sick to my stomach when he never came home, I didn’t eat I didn’t sleep through worry. I decided I had to have the locks changed and move hes stuff to hes mums.
He then came back and looked an absolute mess and honestly thought I was going to allow him in my house, when he had been mixing with God knows what.
He knows now that if he wants any part in my sons life then he has to sort hes life out. He has had more than enough chances and the ice is so thin with him now he Doesn’t dare mess up.
I think with addicts you have to make a stand and make your point 100 percent clear to them.
At the end of the day they are choosing that life, they may have an addiction but there is help out there and if they choose not to accept the help then they are choosing drugs over there family.
How’s things at the moment? Xx
My life was just becoming so unhappy, always on eggshells, coming home and my house was a complete mess and me having to tidy it when I had just finished a shift at work plus cook dinner.
The drug not only takes over there life but everyone around them too.
With herion as far as I’m aware it destroys worse than cocaine and people that take it once can’t come off it because it is so bad. Just having to take it daily,hourly just to function.
How long has your partner been injecting cocaine? What’s he like at home or does he dissapear at all? Xx
Hiya, hope your ok?
My partner of 8 years was a heavy cocaine user for years, only sniffing. Then I started to find needles about 4 months ago. I confronted him about this as I was really upset. He admitted but wasn’t really bothered because 9 times out of 10 he was high and doing whatever he liked.
I did ask him once and have also researched and supposedly its a better “high” if injected, but also far more dangerous of overdose.
I have seen my partner inject many of times and it’s not nice to see, the marks and bruises all over him.
You just got to hope it’s not herion, as he will never come off of that.
I eventually kicked my partner out of my home as I wasnt prepared to tolerate this disgusting behaviour anymore.
Xx
Exactly, they are such good lies, well so they like to think anyway!!
You get to a point where you are making lies up yourself for there behaviour, and you have to be careful you don’t slip up infront of friends or family. It is a living nightmare.
The stress side of it is unreal, not being able to sleep or relax, even down to putting the TV on, I lost all interest in watching anything because my mind was wondering wether he would be coming home for dinner, or going to work, or was he dead. The list is endless.
When I first met him I had savings, but over time through there addiction and laziness it was drained.
I would spend my nights cooking a nice meal, all for it to be thrown away or left on the side for days. You buy food shopping and nothing really gets eaten from the fridge, unless they are on a come down and don’t stop eating!
I literally used to dread being at work because I couldn’t switch off, because I’d normally have to leave early because he was either to high to collect our son, he didn’t have a phone, or he was zonked out in bed.
I could never get excited for anything, and I used to dread anyone inviting us to a party or even over someone’s house for a night in. Because in hes eyes that was game on to be a complete selfish d*ck.
I can honestly say the day I changed the locks and hes face when he couldn’t return to my house and just abuse it was the best, yes I was sad and at times I could have crumbled and let him in, but I had put up with this for longer than I ever should have.
Enough was enough, I wasn’t prepared for this to go on around me or my son anymore.
Like you said the absolute shame of your husband lying through hes teeth about still being at work, it’s so cringy! They honestly beleive there own lies.
And the “hes my mate” that classic, funny how he ain’t your mate when you ain’t got a family or roof over your head anymore!!
Xx
Hi esta,
I have just read through your post,
And I can honestly say I thought I had wrote it myself!
My partner of 8 years who I have just kicked out and got my locks changed because he was a living nightmare with hes IV coke addiction, the dissapearing acts for days on end, every weekend the same story, every day the same.
Worried sick all the time as to wether he was alive or dead, when the truth be known he was actually mixing with homeless people with bigger addictions than him. He was being used for hes car so he could score drugs.
He didn’t ever give me or our son a thought, how I was coping or how I was keeping the roof over our heads.
I got to the point where the same as you I was hiding hes habit and it became so tiring, making out to people that we was living our best life. When all I was doing was either sitting alone waiting for him to appear, or walking on egg shells waiting for him to be moody for the whole weekend.
I had had enough of him thinking that my home was just somewhere for him to lay hes head and eat free food, to then leave as soon as he had some rest and money.
I had holidays planned and nice times out but everytime it always gets ruined all because of there selfishness.
And untill you make the step to say you no longer are going to stand for it then they will carry on thinking that it is OK.
Hope your all OK xx
Hiya,
Just want to say we’ll done for taking the first step and admitting you have a problem.
You have came to the right place and we are all here to give you advice and support.
I hope your ok
I wouldn’t even bother attempting to go to the hotel. You are wasting your time! That may sound cruel and a bit to the point but sometimes your just fooling yourself.
He is having the best time he can have right now getting high and go’s knows what else. He has filled your head with lies and made you beleive he is genuinely upset! But if he was so upset then he would be home with you. He would be caring for you.
The reason I’m saying this like this is because drug users know how to pull the wool over our eyes.
And untill you make a stand and say you have had enough, pack hes bags and give him the ultimatum then he will just carry on abusing your kindness.
Why should you put yourself out to search for him in a hotel? Do you think he has given you one thought whilst being there? Probably not, and I know it’s hard because I have been there, I have spent years worrying whether to cook dinner or whether ill be sleeping alone, or whether he will just be a father. And each time he has failed on all because he’s addiction has come first.
The best thing you can do is focus on you, and in the mean time if you are strong enough pack hes bags and give him the ultimatum.
Xx
They know exactly what they need to do. They just think they can keep getting away with it because we allow them to. All the time we are enabling them then they will carry on.
The lies, the not answering the phone, there hygiene, there attitude. All these things are just the daily endless things we put up with.
Have you heard anymore from your husband?
How is he affording nights in hotels and alcohol and cocaine? Xx
They know exactly what they need to do. They just think they can keep getting away with it because we allow them to. All the time we are enabling them then they will carry on.
The lies, the not answering the phone, there hygiene, there attitude. All these things are just the daily endless things we put up with.
Have you heard anymore from your husband?
How is he affording nights in hotels and alcohol and cocaine? Xx
They know exactly what they need to do. They just think they can keep getting away with it because we allow them to. All the time we are enabling them then they will carry on.
The lies, the not answering the phone, there hygiene, there attitude. All these things are just the daily endless things we put up with.
Have you heard anymore from your husband?
How is he affording nights in hotels and alcohol and cocaine? Xx
I had the locks changed, so sent him straight to hes mums house. He has no phone so no contact. He’s mum text and said that he has asked how he’s son is, I replied he is fine.
The thing that really aggravates me is that for 7 whole days he did not give me or our son a single thought, because he was to involved with the lo lives getting high and thinking of himself. All while I was in tears nearly everynight, couldn’t sleep couldn’t eat couldn’t even go to work because of the stress thinking he was dead in the woods somewhere.
At the end of the day your husband spending the night in a hotel is just an excuse to get high. They make it sound so believable because they know we will fall for it. But I made the step of changing my locks and taking all hea belongings to hes mums because I wasn’t going to stand for him just thinking he could spend nights away and then stroll in like nothing had happend.
So he got quite a shock thismorning when he couldn’t get in.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, I love my partner and have endless feelings for him, but to constantly keep abusing me and my family with hes addiction and selfishness just wasn’t acceptable anymore.
I am all for anyone trying and really making the effort to change, but when someone doesn’t even want to change or make that step then it’s just a pointless endless battle.
Xx