[effy]

Hi guys, I might be able to give a different perspective.. I’m 19 and one of my closest friends uses Ketamine, he’s 20.

His mum has kicked him out of his home and he’s now living with his grandad, still using but as a friend, I can only do what I can when he’s open to talking to me. It’s been about two years since he started talking in drips and drabs about how he feels.

A couple of things he’s said are… “No one worries”
“I can’t see an A to B, the way you have A-Levels, to uni, to a job… I’m in a job and doing what I do to get by”
“I’ll get myself sorted soon, I can’t do it forever”

But, nothing changes… I’ve been completely stupid and fallen for him and I couldn’t physically bring myself to walk away from him until a few days ago.
I went out at half 3 in the morning to see him as he requested and we ended up arguing because I tried to explain that it hurts me to look at him in a state… He walked away and that day the traffic on the motorway was backed up, a rumour that someone had tried to commit suicide was around, by jumping from the same bridge he needed to walk across to get back to his grandad’s home, after 2 sleepless nights, a hell of a lot of phone calls, he answered “Hiya! You alright?”.. I’d been through hell, and he didn’t care so I hung up, and haven’t spoken to him since.
He (whilst intoxicated) did admit that he had fallen in love with me and wanted to change, so when I said that we’d be together properly if he was clean, I naively thought it would give him a short term motivation, something to kick start it but unfortunately not.
I honestly don’t know how a mother copes with a child in this position, it’s something I can’t comprehend, but I can say in this situation, there’s no hate coming from him for his family, because he understands what he’s doing isn’t fair, but Ket makes a person feel totally detatched from reality, as though the mind is “floating away”… So when they aren’t using and completely understand the seriousness and severity of the situation, it makes sense for them to seek that feeling again.

So to make the reality worse for them to deal with, in my opinion, pushes them back towards feeling that release from it again. UNLESS they are somewhere with councellors etc, Lexy and Vicky.. In my experience kicking your sons out just on the street won’t work, he’ll be in emotional pain and you’ll allow him back in and he’ll go right around again.
When he’s sober, he needs to know that world, the REAL one, isn’t something he needs to get away from, he needs to feel strong enough to battle it.
Is it their own fault? Yes.. Should they put people through their idea of hell? No, but bottom line is, they have and now they need help.

Please, as mothers don’t let your sons believe you’re just fed up, let them know you love the bones of them, talk about old memories, my friend does that with me, and his smile when he talks about childhood memories is just the best thing I could see.
Let them know that life isn’t a walk in the park, but that there’s two roads they could take.. One with a difficult road but a happy ending, or one with a very dull, lonely, cold and pointless ending.
Don’t kick them out.. Smile, and tell them you love them… Which is why TOGETHER you’re going to get it sorted, then take your son to somewhere that can offer support.
I’m in love with an addict and I’d give anything to be able to be the one to take him somewhere and help him, but I can’t see him clean because he uses when he goes out.
Just show opportunities, be a friend, and be assertive. Try it, I really think it could work.

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