[elaine]

Hi, yes we have talked about it and it’s clearly the drink that is the problem. As he uses the pot to deal with horrendous things in his past (time alone will sort this out – if at all) then I have suggested that he doesn’t stop that entirely but that he tries to cut it down a bit – maybe save it for the evening when he most likes a drink. He doesn’t touch alcohol at all in the day – ever.

I have also suggested that he has one day a week where he can look forward to a drink. This would work for me but I can fully appreciate that he may have to stop it completely. I’ve also suggested that we limit the amount of alcohol available to him. Perhaps I take three cans into the house and half a bottle of white wine which is mine. He was really honest and said that three wouldn’t be enough, he’d do everything in his power to take my wine, and would then go off to the pub and probably drink more that if he had loads at home! I have tried stopping him but that does not work. He shows me up if we are in public (saying things like ‘ha, she thinks she can stop me, trying to say I’ve had enough’ at the top of his voice) or just gets ratty with me if we are alone. He’s never violent but he does get angry if I try to stop him. I have my own home so I tend to just walk out but this isn’t what I’m used to and the drink cannot be good for him. The other big issue is that, because he’s drunk, he doesn’t remember much about the previous night so I’m not certain he believes my version of events. Our diet is excellent and I think that may be the only thing that has prevented his organs from protesting.

[elaine]

Hi Rani123,

Thank you for your reply. It is just cannabis and I think you are right – it’s the drink rather than the cannabis. Both together is a horrible combination. He uses cannabis to deal with a very damaging past, I know that, so, if I’m honest, I don’t mind the smoke too much but the drink is evil. He never, ever, gets nasty. If he did the relationship would have been over before it got going.

I have tried talking to him when sober – he is contrite, apologetic, ashamed. Then he has one beer and we are off… I can enjoy a couple of glasses of wine (sometimes far more , then regret it next morning!) but then I’ll go for the kettle and enjoy tea equally but he can’t. One glass is too much then 10 glasses is not enough. To make matters worse, I was widowed three years ago after 20 years of marriage to a man who was ‘moderation in all things’. I’m over 60 and ready to have a bit of fun in my life – and my partner is such a beautiful man in every other way – I want it to be with him, truly I do, if I could just address some of these issues.

[Author]

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