[emjay]

My mental health was my final straw. Plus my 11 year old being left alone with her younger siblings and told to lie. It’s abuse!

You can not fix him. You need to concentrate on you and those children.

It’s so hard, he may be successful in his recovery. In my experience he would need to stay sober from all substance and alcohol! Alcohol is a huge trigger for alot (not all) cocaine addicts.

My husband used to have a secret account, but most dealers take credit… what you can’t see is usually a red flag. He also used to pay for work colleagues lunch, petrol in exchange for cash.

Not sure if you can get on to my original post, but if can… you will see why I chose me and my babies now.

Please stay strong, always put you and your kids first. Xx

[emjay]

Only just saw this. Not been on in a while.

How are you? X

[emjay]

We spoke a while back.

Reading this you seem stronger and I just wanted to say thank you for responding to my post back then.

Much love x

[emjay]

Thought I would re-read where I was back in March when I posted and ended my battle with my husband and his addiction.

He did well for a bit. Then cocaine took over as it always does. Same old… missing work, suicide texts. Then denial and apologies. Not being a dad, lies, attention seeking. Let down after let down.

He will never ever beat this as he loves it more than anything. Addiction is cruel, but living with an addict is the cruelest thing ever.0

Sometimes I wish he would just disappear for good. He is killing himself.

Why should my kids have a selfish chaotic addict in and out of their lifes?

I actually resent him. Resent my wasted support and love given to him.

I feel no positive emotion for this man now!!! Just regret I tolerated his shit for so long. Even losing his wife, kids didn’t wake him up.

I just await the call to have to pay his funeral. No hope for him.

Love to the strong affected others still on the roundabout!

[emjay]

I really relate to you!

My husband is a cocaine addict. I’ve been battling his addiction with him for over a decade.

It never stops. There is a pattern. He used to vanish for 4 days to 2 weeks. Then there’s the lies, excuses, financial impact, the list is endless.

I kicked him out and now put my children and myself first.

This addict is cruel and I hear very little recovery success.

I told my story on here a while back. It really helps, but also helped me make my decision.

Him, his true love cocaine or get my life back! I chose me now!

Good luck. Good luck with your new career x

[emjay]

Hey.

Reading your story is just the start, if you chose to stay.

You have to focus on you and your baby. Go to your parents, even if it’s for a break, some support and for him to have a reality check.

My husband is a coke addict… I’ve been subjected to his addiction for over a decade. He has months of being clean… but always goes back to it.

I’m not going to bang on about my experience, feel free to read my post. This is about you!

The advice I will give you is addiction is a circle of destruction for the addict and their loved ones. One of you has to break the circle.

Cocaine there is no substitute medication for. Its down to the user, their will power and desire to be clean.

You can never fix him.

Cocaine wins pretty much all the time over family.

If you want to support him do it from a distance or be prepared for a roller coaster.

There are people who fully recover from coke addiction, but they have to be ready, want it and committed.

Good luck xx

[emjay]

Esta.

I haven’t been on here for a while. Was avoiding all connections with my demons of anything related to my loved one and his addiction.

Sounds like you also hit breaking point. Are you still finding you and not him? It’s crazy how we react isn’t it. I hate violence and for me to want to physically hurt someone was a major wake up.

I have stuck to my guns. I am working on me. My loved one is doing really well so far in regards to starting recovery. He booked himself into 28 detox, has a sponsor, is working full time and is not in my life, only as a dad.

He states losing us was what he needed. Im still very negative and just waiting for a call to say he’s lapse or overdosed. I’ve given no false pretence and no goals for him to achieve in order to be back here.

I’m in a good place. My days are no longer absorbed with his addiction, or questioning why, if or maybes.

My enabling his behaviours, my constant forgiveness and hope of change was toxic and a major feed for his cocaine addiction.

I too hate drugs, I’ve always been passionate about recovery and gain so much from helping others….. but now my days are spent on my kids and my well being.

Thank you for your experience, it really made me think I was not crazy or a bad person. We are humans who will snap when pushed to our limits time and time again.

Much love xx

[emjay]

Hi Esta.

I haven’t been on here for a while. Was avoiding all connections with my demons of anything related to my loved one and his addiction.

Sounds like you also hit breaking point. Are you still finding you and not him? It’s crazy how we react isn’t it. I hate violence and for me to want to physically hurt someone was a major wake up.

I have stuck to my guns. I am working on me. My loved one is doing really well so far in regards to starting recovery. He booked himself into 28 detox, has a sponsor, is working full time and is not in my life, only as a dad.

He states losing us was what he needed. Im still very negative and just waiting for a call to say he’s lapse or overdosed. I’ve given no false pretence and no goals for him to achieve in order to be back here.

I’m in a good place. My days are no longer absorbed with his addiction, or questioning why, if or maybes.

My enabling his behaviours, my constant forgiveness and hope of change was toxic and a major feed for his cocaine addiction.

I too hate drugs, I’ve always been passionate about recovery and gain so much from helping others….. but now my days are spent on my kids and my well being.

Thank you for your experience, it really made me think I was not crazy or a bad person. We are humans who will snap when pushed to our limits time and time again.

Much love xx

[emjay]

Hi Lece13

Sounds like things are still very much a living nightmare. Have you used any of the wellbeing services on line?

You really need to put you first now and your children. He clearly isn’t ready to start his recovery.

It’s taken me 2 decades to learn that I can not fix addiction, to stop enabling it and to put me first. My career was even around it. It was not healthy!

My loved one is doing ok in his journey of not using. I am not part of this journey now, because I can never forget or trust him and a huge part of me is just awaiting his next lapse.

I’m proud he is working on him, he’s still very much in the early stages, but this time he seems to want to be clean.

I will never trust him, always question him and never ever forgive him for choosing a decade of drug use over his wife and family. I am not able to be around him as anything but the mother of his kids.

I love him, but he destroyed me mentally. He is recovering and I’m recovering from years of battling with his addiction and the mental torture he inflicted on me from his addiction.

We see him. He’s now a much better dad. Every time I weaken I remind myself he’s an addict and all the years I wasted crying.

Please look after you. Do not waste your life trying to battle his addiction. We can not fix others.

My husband said he had to literally lose everything to see this wasn’t what he wanted to live like or die from. I had to let go…. to start living again.

Love, hope and hugs xx

[emjay]

I’ve had little response, but posting really helps.

My husband did not return home… stayed clean and attended C.A. one week on.

Yesterday was his lapse…. he needed the car to get to a meeting.

I returned home from work to find him outside my house waiting to borrow the car.

My handbag, housekeys, purse and work keys were all in the car. He left before I could grab them.

He was edgey, avoiding eye contact and hyper. I knew instantly he was guilt riddled and needed to go. Maybe I should have stopped him? Maybe confronted him… but he’s not under my roof and I’m actually numb.

A little bit of me was also hoping the policia would stop him.

He messaged to say he was on his way back after the meeting. 2 hours later not back. Endless texts/ calls sent and ignored.

Called people. Called contact at Ca. He attended, but left early. They do not divulge, but said he was hyper and made excuse to leave after 40 minutes.

The guy was concerned and said he would call around.

My anxieties are by this point unratable…. thinking he was dead, then relapsed, then how the f*** was I going to get into my premises of work or to work. What were my clients and staff going to say…. crazy thoughts…but he was my least concern this time.

Anger, hurt, hate and a reminder why I’m letting go.

He left my keys and car outside my house at 06.34 this morning. I saw him on the cameras…. another sorry text received, SORRY.!!!! Me……I was sorry I had to clean evidence from my car, and urine.

2 hours sleep, kids to school. Work for 9 hours…. Home, kids, chores. A bit emotional. Been doing this for a decade, but I’m exhausted.

Texts of denial, apologies, sympathy pitches. I remain silent, I’m out of words. Deep down I’m angry, hurt but thankful.

It’s the last time I will feel this. I’ve cut him off totally.

If I don’t I may lose me completely.

Addiction …the cruelest love.

I will remain here in my new country, my new job and enjoy my 4 beautiful babies and look forward to the UK allowing my 7 older children to visit. I’m not disillusioned… he will still cause bedlam, but from a distance.

Love and admiration for all of you still on the roundabout. Xx any success from lived ones experience appreciated. Xx

[emjay]

Lece 13

A positive is he has taken steps….

Addiction is selfish… the journey and recovery more so.

They never acknowledge your feelings or the impact on anyone else…

Well I would not allow mine home. He did 5 days and 2 c.a meetings…

Today he’s taken my car to get to his meeting, my work keys, bag I stupidly left in car as he was in a rush….he went and has not returned after his Ca meeting.

His phone was on. Now off. Withdrawals made….. usually amount.

I’m stressed to hell, will lose business…. more money and can’t even get kids to school.

This is it. Removed him from my home…. hes still affecting me and the kids. He now will be removed from my life.

I’m so ill from this. My mental state is being impacted. I’m in a foreign country and need to start over!

I wish you luck and hope for the on going weeks. Lots of love xx

[emjay]

Thank you! I’ve slept better for writing my post. I also kept my phone off all night. I feel lighter today.

I’ve woken up to a beautiful sunny day, which helps and Four children that all need normality.

No contact from him what so ever! I still feel all the mentioned emotions, but I think I’m at the point of no return for him.

I’ve gone in to overdrive to now put things in place.

I’m having my locks changed and more security put on my house.

I have also got to sort out a million other things, which is a challenge when I aren’t fluent in the language here.

I’ve also read your story. Cocaine addiction is very cruel to the addicts families.

I respect and have alot of love for all the men and women continuing to support their loved ones through their addictions, its just now my time to support and rebuild myself, before I turn into even less of the person I once was. Xx

[emjay]

firstly thank you for replying to my post.

Reading your story is very similar to mine.

It’s so hard to walk away, easier to keep making excuses for them and blame addiction.

My husband was dismissed from his job for using cocaine at work and engaging in sexual activities with a colleague in the work car park!

He blamed the drugs, I heard the same spill about enjoying drink and drugs with this women, because he couldn’t with me.

I can tolerate alot, but affairs can not be excused by their addictions. Its just enabling that behaviour on top of the lieing.

I’m on day 5 of his latest disappearing bender. My children have not asked for him once, we are all calmer. I feel an emptiness, my stomach is still in my throat through anxieties… but its not for his well being this time, its for the fear of him coming back and me giving in.

My husband will never stop, losing his family will just give him another excuse to use and pitty himself. His future is looking very bleek.

We know the answers to our own questions, its just being brave to take actions.

Lots of love xx

[emjay]

Hi Any advice

I have literally just posted. Then saw yours.

I really feel for you. I’ve been dealing with my husbands cocaine addiction for 10 years.

Addiction makes the addict selfish. You can not fix him, he has to help himself.

You are enabling him, by living his cocaine circle of life. We all do it in hope of recovery, change, success.

It’s affecting your mental health. It’s so hard to let go. I’m still very much stuck in my roundabout!

You need to put you first. It’s taken 10 years for me to learn this.

I’ve been reading lots of successful cocaine recovery stories from addicts, but not many from affected partners or families.

We can both hope. Stay safe xx

[emjay]

Just re-read my post. Its very factual… I left out all my feelings, worries, heart ache.

I can describe loving an addict as being on very thin ice… just waiting to fall. My stomach is constantly in my throat. I’m sleep deprived, I have spent years laying in bed, listening for his use or the door going. I’ve lost hours trying to find evidence of his use and weeks searching everytime he goes on a bender. I turn into a crazed women… trying to catch him.

Crying into my pillow or in my car out of sight of my kids and colleagues. Withdrawing from my family and friends.

He actually made and makes me feel worthless and crazy. What sane women searches her toilet for evidence??? Or keeps doing this.

I was enabling his addiction by allowing him to keep coming back. The guilt I feel for his behaviour on our family is overwhelming.

Trust is re- earnt, re -broken. Every time he lies to my face a bit more of me dies.

His addiction has destroyed me as a person. I have no confidence, question everything and am lower than ever.

I loved my job, but can no longer work with addiction as I feel like a failure. My new job is a job, I’m greatful to have one.

This is the first time his addiction is actually about me and how I feel!!!!!

I’m lonely, hurt and so bloody exhausted.

[Author]

Posts