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I forgot to say in my original post that even though I’m only 1 year wise to my husband addiction. I’m aware that he’s been using drugs – cocaine for 20-25YEARS . So he well used to cocaine and has definitely been using cocaine for over 6.5 YEARS that I’ve known him . So somewhere between 6-25 YEARS taking DRUGS but not quite at the point where he’s ready to admit he has a problem. Apologies sometimes you get so bogged down in the haze of the horror . You forget the minor details . Although the C.A reference was a good refresher to hear
I forgot to say in my original post that even though I’m only 1 year wise to my husband addiction. I’m aware that he’s been using drugs – cocaine for 20-25YEARS . So he well used to cocaine and has definitely been using cocaine for over 6.5 YEARS that I’ve known him . So somewhere between 6-25 YEARS taking DRUGS but not quite at the point where he’s ready to admit he has a problem. Apologies sometimes you get so bogged down in the haze of the horror . You forget the minor details ????
I haven’t been on here for ages. But it’s just over a year since I found out that my husband , of Five years has been lying to me from the very beginning. I suppose I find it difficult to use this site on my phone and I’m not really sure where the messages begin and end and which end of the conversation I’m replying to. But the best part is it doesn’t really matter. I knew a little bit about cocaine before I found out everything I know now. Because I work with quite a lot of people who take cocaine recreationally?? I think I’ve since decided there is no such thing as recreational cocaine. I’ve had a good think about it and I think that if you’re taking cocaine more than half a dozen times per year. You are definitely an addict! And that addiction only ever grows . I’ve never taken cocaine so from that point I can’t even comment on how addictive it is. But I know so many people who take cocaine is ridiculous. But it never stops you from seeing the signs with your loved ones. I never noticed from my husband because he was so good at taking it. But I know he only has three moods . Number one mood cocaine perfectly happy calm and reasonable. Number two mood come down grumpy reactive to everything silent Lethargie and general bad mood.
Mood number three and Inbetween mood which is subdue in the want for cocaine by having alcohol instead. My husband left me over a year ago because I dare ask him if he taken cocaine on the weekend. I’ve since realised it’s pointless trying because every time you try a halfway house you try and be kind. Kindness I don’t think really works. Maybe the only way is to be brutally harsh but fair. And realise that that individual has to get so low themselves before they can pull themselves out of the pit . That cocaine addiction has produced. I’ve heard an excuse for everything. And a reason for everything. But I’ve yet to hear him admit that he has a cocaine addiction. I’ve seen his nose bleeding I found cocaine. I’ve seen the weepy nose. I’ve seen the ultra happy and the ultra low. I’ve yet to say reality!
I’m sat reading this , it’s like life is a blur . I found out 6 months ago my husband. Who I’d known for 5 years was and still in a cocaine addict. I’m only 6 months into the lies and deceit awareness program. He left after a month of me finding out . After I asked a calm question “ did you take cocaine , this weekend? “ He flew of the handle shouting and swearing. He left the house and returned. In the meantime my 74 yr old mother turn up . She then punched him repeatedly in the face . Not that I asked for that but . Then he left. Obviously ???? everything is always my fault. He has stayed with his parents ever since. The know nothing about the cocaine. They think everything is my fault. He’s clearly still taking cocaine weekend mostly. So it seems, it’s so unfair to have a broken heart ???? as well as a broken marriage and family relationships obviously aren’t good with his family or mine . As he’s painted the picture with his family that I’m the problem. My parents dislike him greatly. I don’t want to get divorced. Neither does my husband. But obviously even without him saying it , out loud to me . He loves cocaine more than me . My heart will probably never recover from that crushed feeling. Sad
How refreshing to read an insight into similar life through someone else story .
Today this morning was an all time low for me . As I discovered a small dis guarded cocaine bag . After coming home from work. Where I had been chatting to a friend. Who gave me some advice. I made the horrific find this morning. Confirming the fact that my I thought just “ alcoholic “ husband was in fact taking cocaine. Also as I pieced together events I realised that in fact , he has been a habitual and perpetual taker of cocaine. But somehow I missed all the clues . Clues that I brushed off , constantly tired grumpy. Then boom good mood . A work associate of his said flippantly to me once “ he likes a bit of coke “ unfortunately he was chatting me up so I thought at the time ( as others had thought it too ) I stupidly thought he was lying. Then a few months ago when he was still drinking 3 litres minimum of Gin a week . I found a similar small zip plastic bag . But thought nothing of it . Then after a few rows lately he seems to have calmed the drinking down . But for the last few weekends has been very jolly and up all night . After discussing with a friend who questioned the behaviour. ( having had a relative at home take cocaine) I then realised what I’d not been noting as cocaine taking . Oddly enough thank The Lord God , I literally found the dis guarded evidence plastic bag . To match behaviour. I’ve not told another person . Apart from the friend that gave me the nod . I’m crushed but shell shocked, deeply sad and heart broken. But haven’t cried or confronted my husband. Because I’ve learned over the 5 years with him drinking. It gets me nowhere. It’s like I’m now living in a nightmare that only I’m aware of