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Hi retroheadz

Thank you for message. Everything you say is sooo true. I’ve done the ultimatum chat but like you say it’s still going on. Yet again he’s going to try again. But in the back of my head I think we both know it’s destroyed us and I doubt it will ever stop. But when u love someone you don’t care so much about yourself as it’s already got into a mind blowing situation and fills me with dread that I ask him to leave. I’m not mentally a very strong person but I feel this is how the cocaine addiction has done to me even tho I’ve never tried or even considered trying it. It’s so hard because you can’t talk to ANY that knows and loves me. There weeks and months and years just past. But I really can’t take anymore lies and I am always on his case a few times a day. The lying that comes with it destroys me.

Thank you for your advice. I really do appreciate all comments and realise that I’m not alone.

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Hi danman

I really really appreciate ure reply – thank you.

He says he wants to quit. He says he hates it but yet still does it.

He has tried to get help but with Covid I don’t think it’s great as it’s call every month or so and I know he’s ignored a call so now isn’t helped.

I will look into C A – thank you.

Are you actually able to attend meetings in this crisis of Covid?

You are doing really well. I just wish we could be in that situation. He gets so depressed when he goes and buys it but just can’t not. We’ve been thru the delete numbers, I paid off people he owed money too but he obviously knows where they live so just turns up. Reels off stories of why he went. He felt tired, needed a pick me up, cope etc etc.

I’m getting sick to the teeth with hearing the excuses and it just makes me feel utter disgust that he can do this to me all the time.

I don’t know whether you were / are the same but he just lies so much I don’t think he knows how to tell the truth which I find soooo difficult. As he’s lying he tries to find things to make me look bad but I’m not up o anything and wouldn’t do anything from drugs to cheating but he questions me all the time to try and make him feel better but obviously finds nothing as I’m not up to anything.

I’m just scared that I’ve lost the will to live with the whole “”coke””” scenario as it’s in my head from the moment I wake until bed and it’s consuming our lives.

Not to mention the constant nose and throat problems. Everything he eats gets stuck, his nose runs the whole time and he blows out massive hard parts of what looks like his nose. It’s really shocking. It will kill him. I just know it will with the amount of abuse he’s doing to his body and for so long as I know he has done it since his late teens and he’s now nearly 50!!!

Thank you for listening and your reply. And keep up the good work. I will try and look into a hobby or something that’s a great idea. THANK YOU!!!

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