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I want to tell you how inspiring and helpful reading your posts has been.

I have been reading on here for the last six months and it has really helped give me insight in to what was going on.

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Hi Emma

How are you doing?

I am 15 weeks in now and after the initial leave, I did go through a phase week 8/9 of wanting back the man I had initially met. But he’s long gone.

I am past that now; as I recall nearly everyday yet another situation that I never want to go back to.

You forget things in the grief of the loss.

I had some phone calls and by the end I felt that I was withdrawing as myself to keep the conversation calm

I realise now how much of myself I had lost.

Reading on here really helps

I hope you are okay

I think the worst thing is you never really get true closure. So many unanswered questions.

you don’t realise how far off the Mark your judgement becomes.

My friends have been shocked and saddened by it all.

Your husband trying to get you to smoke crack with him …

Your husband stealing money from you and disappearing and not explaining where they have been …

I miss him everyday

But I know I can’t go back

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Today I have felt so sad.

talking about it has brought up so many feelings

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How did you find out about the prostitutes

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it is horrendous how similar all the stories of addiction are.

Have you had any counselling

I have spent the last 10 weeks processing the last horrendous year

Sleepless nights waking up heart beating feeling guilty. Posting on here was a massive off load and relief for me.

I feel that finally there is distance and I am turning a corner, the burden of carrying the weight is lifting. The addiction is not mine but you get dragged in like a co conspirator hiding it from everyone. The more that occurs it begins to normalise as they try to assure you loads of people do it and this will be the last time anyway.

Leaving the crack chaotic environment and trying to step into work and function as real normal people do when you are screaming inside. I had to leave my phone off and delete my work number from his phone in the end as I would get calls for money.

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I started reading the message boards because I had no clue what the hell was going on.

I couldn’t believe that someone could say they loved you and then behave that way. You have to learn not to take it personally but that is so hard! You can’t help it.

I literally had no experience of drugs and I wish I never had.

I felt so betrayed but I do hang on to the fact that there were some amazingly great times between the binges and the final descent into full addiction.

I found him talking to me (but himself) in the garage at 1am one night and then hiding behind the bins as he thought people were going to shoot him. So almost positive that he was in the beginnings of psychosis.

There was no reasoning with him at the end; his addict mates had full control of him. They both were homeless and took full advantage of him that was absolutely heartbreaking to see him being destroyed at the same time.

None of them care about anything but drugs heroin/crack whatever they can get their hands on.

He used to get texts coming through saying “New Food on NOW be quick for best around tonight” and so forth absolutely degrading and humiliating but shows the power they have over addicts who they treat like idiots because that’s what Crack does turns your brain into a dead dark place.

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