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Do it sooner rather than later
It is so awful hearing what people go through
There Is no room for romantic dreaming of a happy ending
Very few get that novelty
Get out whilst you are able
You have been to hell and back
He has put you through just about everything from the sounds of it and over a long period of time
That’s a hell of a lot to go through for anyone
You have totally been there for him and from what you write it’s very one sided
Can I ask why you don’t think his mum should know and why it is not what he needs?
Maybe she will actually support you; most mothers want their son to be a good man, husband and father
If it was my son I would want to know; and I would be on his case to know why he was putting you and my grandchildren through this hell
Maybe letting her know the truth will help
She can probably see things are not right
truth usually is the best policy and the consequences of his actions need to be faced for him to take ownership
We all have our limits
The fact he planted the evidence to soften the blow of the extra debt to me says he knows he can offload it on to you and you will sort it out
It’s manipulating it from his debt to ‘our’ debt
You are obviously very strong and good person to have been through so much and still continuing to try and help sort all his problems out; but life is so short and you deserve some truth and happiness
To have someone like you in their life is most men’s dream.
if you are not appreciated now; you will be with the right man who lives for and cherishes you every day for the rest of their life knowing they an absolute angel in their life
I
I know you are feeling hurt and in need of validation for all you have discovered and put up
Unfortunately it sounds from what you say that your partner doesn’t want to stop, and the addiction is probably much bigger than you know.
so much gets hidden for all sorts of reasons. You have to just accept that you will probably never know the whole truth it’s just the nature of the beast and it is so distressing.
The addiction will carry on wether you are sat at home stressed out waiting to pick up the pieces or have moved on and picked up the threads of your own life.
I think you need space
Reset your boundaries and stick to them.
It’s not just the addict that has to heal from the fallout
Sometimes the addiction is just bigger than ‘you’ and it’s hard but you will recover and you will realise you are right.
Only when someone is ready will they move forward
You cannot make them change it’s the hardest fact of addiction
Hi yes – In Patient -Totally due to crack cocaine
He has a bleed on the brain and psychosis he is currently on an observation ward for full diagnosis
Wandering around begging for money and asking the staff to get him some ‘white’
He started off doing £80 every other weekend then it was every weekend.
To 500/600 every weekend.
To eventually 1-200 everyday he was running dealers around to help pay; and stealing from me as well
His morals were completely in the toilet by the end.
His mum was in hospital and he went and got her debit card from the ward saying he needed 20 for diesel and spent 800 in 3 days.
It was complete chaos at the end
I have read so many times on here “Get out now; and run for your life” best advice it really is; as they will manipulate you every way they can to keep you running their addiction and lives as long as you are prepared to put up with it.
He was the love of my life and I will never get over losing him
I had to leave it was such a vicious cycle
When I read on thus forum it helps as I remember how bad things were
I feel your pain I really do; I have been there.
My ex wanted a child but his addiction became bigger and more important than anything including us. Home changed from a house full of love and laughter and became a place where he came to recharge his batteries between binges. Sorrows for the last binge and then causing rows to get out on the next one.
One thing I have to say is consider all the pain and stress you are going through.
If you have a child together and he does not totally turn away from the addiction; ALL the feelings and chaos you are experiencing will be felt by your child also and amidst this will you be able to concentrate on being the parent you want to be, and to be supported yourself with the love and care you deserve.
You are already describing that you feel better when he was away and you could concentrate on yourself.
He has a wonderful caring woman in his life who loves and supports him and unfortunately the addiction is still a stronger pull. It’s heartbreaking ???? sending you strength
With addiction it seems you get the initial shock discovery of the sickness and then you keep getting hit again and again with the fallout of lies and manipulation
You both end up sicker and sicker physically and mentally as you get pushed apart by addiction and suffer separately and your bond gets destroyed.
As you say it’s a lifetime battle but it can be done
Don’t let that darkness creep into your life again
I totally understand where you are coming from and what you are going through.
Sometimes our kindness is used against us.
When you give selflessly it is hard to believe the person you love could hurt and lie to you
there comes that point when you realise you can’t and won’t take anymore
step back and look at the bigger picture of what is happening.
hard when you are stuck in the middle of it all and you are exhausted keeping everything together.
You may find the picture is bigger than you realised and there are things you didn’t already see and this may help you to move on.
Or you may find a path through together.
Don’t be scared of change; it usually brings something better Follow your intuition
I did read a post where someone who was taking prescription meds contemplated using heroin as it was easier to get hold of.
Someone replied “please don’t if you think meds have ruined your life; Heroin will annihilate it.”
That article is so good for the partner of an addict
Be strong and move on