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As a mum I totally feel this awful heartbreaking pain. My son is now 13 years into addiction. K and alcohol, I have tried everything even having to make him homeless at one stage, or my marriage would fail.
Not sure if this will help each situation is so different. I am emotionally and financially drained I should be 65 and retire in 7 years I don’t have a penny everything has gone on him.
so I decided to really look after me, get stronger got brilliant counselling from Adam.
If we are not good emotionally we can’t look after them and the other relationships in our lives. Put in non negotiable bounties, I always tell him I love him, I am compassionate but that because I love him not him behaviour which at times has been awful.
he has used every trick in the book, he will kill himself, he will be beaten, he has lost another friend to addiction so I need to help. I know will not give him money but I will buy food and take it to him.
He can no longer turn up unannounced I will not respond. I feel I am taking back some of the control, it’s shit, I feel guilty but only he can change this. No matter what we have tried, his family, all his friends, work colleagues, girlfriends no one can make the difference for him.
so I desperately trying to stay strong, stick to what I say. Ensure all the family do the same. I just hope and pray that one day he will change but I know I could not have done anymore. X xHi Lynn, I am new on here, just read your post and really hoping you had the courage to go on your own and look after you. X
Hi my first post as well, I also have an adult son from a divorce some 20 years ago.
I often feel the same that he is using drugs and alcohol to mask the pain of the split. He often reminds me it was our fault, that trauma in his childhood has caused this. It certainly escalated when he went to university and I had to get him home in year 2. But eventually had to ask him to leave our home.
Over the years like you I feel I have tried everything, paying for rehab, being financially drained, recently again paying a deposit so he is not made homeless but he lies again and again and is unable to work, so will be evicted I am sure soon. It’s relentless. I do really work at my own mental health to try and remain working and able to manage.
but as you quite rightly say until he makes the decisions for him self nothing changes.
although I know this, I get sucked in time and time again. As a mother this is so bloody hard. Sending hope and solidarity x x