[fatherof3]

I’m well, doing the best I can under theses circumstances. What have you been up too?

I hope you are doing well spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

[fatherof3]

Hello SongbirdGarden67, First, I want to thank you for wishing my son a happy birthday that really means a lot to us that you would take time and give him birthday wishes. But anyway, WOW! I am so sorry to hear that you are not doing so great. So, in my opinion you have 2 options at this point. One, you can walk away and let him continue down the road he is going to save you and your children. Or option two, after researching your state’s laws regarding cases like yours. You can file the Marchman Act petition. I know, what is the MARCHMAN ACT? Read below.

The Marchman Act is the nickname for a Florida Statute best known for its unique provisions that allow family members to petition the courts for mandatory assessment and treatment of someone who is abusing drugs or alcohol appear to be a danger to themselves or others.

There’s more to this you just have to do a little digging. But if you are willing to try one last thing, this is your best option in my opinion.

[fatherof3]

I did not experience any side-effects. I had to stop because my job gives random drug screens. I got tired of walking around all day with a bottle of urine attached to me. It was just too much work. His sleepless nights is psychological in my opinion. Melatonin worked well for me its all natural and has no side affects.

[fatherof3]

Hello HelenBee, I used to smoke weed over 20 years ago. The stuff that I smoked was much different than the marijuana that’s sold on the streets today. What I’m concerned with is the stomach cramps and sleepless nights. It has me wondering, is his weed laced with something? There’s an area in Philadelphia that has been known to lace their marijuana with fentynal in order to keep people coming back. If this is the case, He’s probably going to need medical intervention.

[fatherof3]

Thank you SongbirdGarden76, I’m doing well. Yesterday was my son’s 9th birthday. I tried to make it special but with limited things to do, it was kind of difficult but I got it done. How about you, are you feeling a little better?

[fatherof3]

Your husband and my wife are the same as far as blaming others for their drug use. She finally came in the house. Scared the crap out of me. I asked her why did’t she call? She said she went to sleep and somebody stole her phone (B.S.). The kids come running downstairs asking where she was. She said over her girlfriend’s house. She told me she was waiting to get that stimulus check so she could pay the girl back. I LOST IT. Now mind you, she claimed my son on her taxes when she was not supposed to. She was only to claim my stepson, both of whom I take complete care of. She got over $8000, that was gone in 1 month. She did not buy the kids anything, I mean anything. Now she’s out here getting drugs fronted to her with intentions of using that stimulus check to pay these people back. I’m ready to hurt all of them. One phone call is all it takes. I love her but I can’t stand her at the same time. She tells the kids it’s because I have a car and I do what I want, which is not true. My schedule consists of 10 hours a day for work and nursing school. Whatever time is left is spent with the kids. I wish I had a machine that can separate the defective parts of our loved ones. Something Star Trek like.

[fatherof3]

I think she thinks that I am going to keep dealing with this. I don’t know if I told you this but I moved from Pennsylvania to get her away from that crowd. I bought a beautiful home in Delaware only to have her find that crap down here. I packed some of her things and they are in the front foyer. This is it! Either she gets help or I’ll drive her to where she was and drop all of her things off with her. As I sit and think about the mess that she has caused our family. I want to go over where she is and hurt each and every last on of those people she hangs with. It’s like the person I met has died. I don’t know the person she is now. But I need to be happy as well. I’m tiered of staying up wondering if she is alright. So I think a good hard clean break would be best if she does not get help. We both deserve to be happy. in my case, I have to step away because in my heart she is not ready to get sober.

[fatherof3]

SongbirdGarde76, Thank you. (Side note, something is wrong with my spell check so if you see obvious mistakes it’s my computer). In terms of coming to a realization, I can share with you what made me come to my decision to get help. I was eating dinner with my family. At that time my youngest was 3 years old but he was eating more than me. I weighed 129 lbs. at that time and miserable. For years I avoided looking myself in the mirror because I knew and felt the deterioration in my body. So that night after dinner I went to brush my teeth and something told me to look in the mirror. Finally, I faced my fear and did it. What I saw was a hollow shell staring back at me and I cried to myself for about 15 minutes. The next day I went to work, called a meeting with my superiors and told them that I had some family business that I needed to take care of and I’ll be gone for a while. They knew what was going on, shucks I was 129lbs., my normal weight is 180lbs. I had to swallow my pride and humble myself and let someone else drive. My way wasn’t getting me anywhere. SongBird76, that was the best investment I’ve ever made. I keep a picture of myself when I was at the airport holding my 3 year old ready to go to Rehab in Florida. I still look at that picture today and it reminds me of how I was feeling at that time because of addiction. Now, if the thought of using cross my mind, I ‘play the tape out” because I know that 1 is too many and 1000 is never enough (NA literature)

[fatherof3]

SongbirdGarden76, thank you for your kindhearted post. It really means so much. I am just at my wits end with this and yet making an impulsive decision can be devastating for my family. I grew up in an era where Mom was the nurturer. She kept the house cleaned, cooked and handled a lot of the miscellaneous things. I never thought in a million years that I would be playing the role of Mom and Dad. When she away for days at a time, the boys constantly ask for her. So I try to keep them occupied. Normally I would take them out somewhere to keep them distracted. But with Covid-19 that’s not possible, which makes me extremely sad. Many times I just wanna go in a corner and cry because I feel so alone. I know what addiction is like and it comes a time where you say enough is enough. At some point you have to make your choice, family or misery?

[fatherof3]

You are doing something about it, it’s called tough love. I’m going through the same exact thing. I shared my story earlier and something just bugged me to read yours. I think your husband is at a place right now where he wants the help but doesn’t know how to humbly himself and reach out for it. The hardest thing for an addict, is admitting you are an addict. The thought of not using any mind-altering substances for the rest of your life is scary for a person in active addiction. Once he gets over that hurdle things start to get better for him. He has to learn to love himself again. That’s why it is extremely important that he removes them friends from around him. They are going to keep him sick because he’s their meal ticket. I think you should find a local NA meeting and sit and listen. It will come to you who to reach out for. Like the saying goes, “birds of a feather flock together. Get them crows away for your husband and surround him with doves. In other words, help build him a new support system.

[fatherof3]

Hello Songbird76, As a recovering addict who has relapsed multiple times, it’s the guilt of falling so far so fast that may be holding your husband back from seeking treatment. Trust me he knows what it’s like being clean and sober and accomplishing so much. That’s what makes addiction so insidious, you don’t know it has you until it’s too late. No-one sets out to be an addict, it starts out as being fun. It’s funny because I am going through the same exact situation as you but the roles are reversed. It’s my sons’ mother in which I am 14 years her senior. Your husband has to get a support group. The people he’s around are contributing to his sickness. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom in order to progress, I know I did. I admire your decision to stay and try to help him but he has to want help in order for his recovery to succeed. You have children that are depending on you as well. You have to make life for them as normal as possible. Stay strong.

[fatherof3]

Since she was arrested, I have been home trying to get her help. But she has to want it,

She is using Covid-19 as an excuse not to seek treatment. I have taken off work for 5 weeks now and I have to return. I just feel like giving up. I’m depressed, exhausted and frustrated but I know my boys need me. I wanna put her clothes in a bag, put them on the porch and tell her to go back where she came from. I feel so alone right now.

[fatherof3]

I work at night and get into the house at 2 am. One day I came home to find her gone and my two boys (8 and 12) were in their rooms sleep. She apologized, I forgave her.

But this particular day she did not get the boys off the school bus and they were in the house all night by themselves. Being scared they walked to the police station. Finally, she arrived with my neighbor to pick up the children that’s when the officer smelled the alcohol. The next morning she left and did not come back for 4 days. When she did come back, she was very mean and disrespectful and violent (throwing things in the house). The police came and locked her up. She gets out of jail promising to due better. Also, there is an open DFS investigation on her for leaving the children home alone.

She did fine for about a week. Now it’s back to the old behaviors, staying out for days. I get worried sick because she turns off her phone there is no way to contact her.

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