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Hi Bellapop, really good to hear from you and glad things are a bit more settled for you. Mine would also have times when he seemed tired/ill/low and he will never say how he’s feeling so it’s a guessing game isn’t it as to what’s causing it – does yours open up about how he’s feeling at all? Do you think he could be depressed?
I am at a point now where the slightest sign like that and I would assume he’s used but i’m hoping I can get some trust back at some point….All I’m getting at the moment is he’s ‘feeling fine’ which I find hard to believe after a week of smoking crack non stop, I get a 2 day hangover after a few glasses of wine so can only imagine how I’d feel after that lol. He’s still not home, I just can’t do it, I feel too anxious thinking about it, but he does seem like the real him is back for the first time in months and i’m taking him to a NA meeting this morning so small positive signs…..
xxxx
Hi Ambaj, really sorry to hear you are going through this – it’s so awful watching someone you love do this to themselves. It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend thinks he has a problem yet which would be the first step to getting himself sorted. I would read some of the other posts on here and that will give you some insight into how it generally goes having a relationship with an addict which isn’t positive unfortunately. Having said that some do get themselves clean and recover, I know a few that have and now happy, but only once they admit they have a problem with it and make some real effort to stop – it’s not easy at all. You need to protect yourself in the meantime.
I would suggest he calls cocaine anonymous and gets some help. And set some boundaries – if he wants to do it he should go somewhere else maybe so it’s not around you and your family. You say his marriage has broken down and I wonder if that was to do with drugs?
And on the stress point – coke makes you extremely anxious and paranoid and like you’re a terrible person, so it’s a vicious circle of then having to do more to block that horrible niggling feeling out temporarily, only for it to come back worse than ever.
Take care of yourself xx
Hi ladies, hope you’re all doing good and things have been ok so far this week. Purpleheart that’s so ridiculous, its hardly like you’ve been encouraging him. – they always find someone else to blame and I think until they start taking responsibility they won’t change, I’m sure that’s part of the 12 steps.
Mine did actually stop the crack as of Sunday night, he ran out of money and it’s such a relief as I was getting suicidal messages everytime he ran out of stuff presumably, then no word for 12 hours meanwhile I was worried sick thinking I should call an ambulance. Anyway he seems much better, I took our son to see him briefly and we’re meant to go to the park together at the weekend.
I feel totally traumatised over everything that’s happened the last few months – he hasn’t mentioned coming back and I’m glad. I just hope he can stay where he is for a while and we can get into a bit of a new routine. Had my hair cut yesterday so that made me feel better and got some time off work now so hopefully can get back on a level. Couldn’t make this stuff up could you – now have to decide what to tell people.
Sending positive vibes to you all xxx
Stay strong everyone, we can do this one way or another and we’ll always be there for our kids putting them first. I’m dreading what today will bring. I’m so glad we have each other I don’t think I could get through this without chatting to you all xxxx
Yes Razy I saw that quote too and it’s very true and made me see things in a different way, we’re fighting a losing battle trying to fix them as it can only come from them xxxx
A guy called James on here who is a former addict said to me the other week that even though a break is bad for the kids, so is living with an addict dad and a stressed and miserable mum and I think that’s true – maybe they will sort themselves out and that would be great but in the meantime we have to have some boundaries about what is acceptable to put up with day in day out. But then I am now fully doubting myself as the consequences have been awful. Ugh so draining. Xxxx
Yep I know what you mean – i’ve basically been tee total for most of our relatiknship, hardly seen my friends as I don’t want to cause him to relapse. It’s like having an unruly teenager I think rather than a partner. I am worried for the future and how this is going to impact his son but at the moment just getting through each day at a time. I got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore – have to say stress has got much worse since then but like you said before there’s a line and once it’s crossed enough times you can’t go back. So sad though because I know he loves us and wants to be a better person but he just can’t seem to do it xxxxxx
Razy, that’s outrageous, it sounds like you’ve definitely done the right thing. You sound quite strong about its probably good to be angry at him. Hope you are ok underneath though – this must be so hurtful. The profile pictures made me lol slightly these men are pathetic aren’t they if only they put up a realistic profile I doubt they’d be getting much attention. Xx
Hi purpleheart, so sorry you are feeling this way, I know exactly how you’re feeling , it’s so frustrating and depressing isn’t it. You have to think of you and the kids, it’s no life what we’ve been having to put up with – I look round at my friends and I feel a world apart from them at the moment. Sending hugs xxx
Hi, well done for making the step to even thinking about it, I think it depends where you live but if you have a gp they should be able to point you in the right direction to a drug service. You can get it free where I live but there is a waiting list. I think you can ask to go out of area as well. My partner got subetex prescribed and it was literally a life saver. Take care and good luck
Hi ladies, hope you all had a good day today. Don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all Razy- my friends partner is an ex addict and he fought to get himself clean to see his kids again, he had to go to court and prove he was clean. It’s not just – it’s quite normal!
Sounds like a good plan to keep busy Bellapop and at least you know you and the kids will have fun 🙂 hope everything’s going ok.
Things are going from bad to worse here unfortunately, he’s run out of money now, I’m not sure what will happen but I hate the thought of him out there desperate and in that state, he won’t let me help him though, I think it’s got too much of a grip on him- can’t help but fear the worst, I just can’t see any good outcome now.
xxx
Hey Red, really sorry to hear your story and sorry for the loss of your mum. Asking for help is a big step so we’ll done. I don’t really know if it is your ex that is buying the drugs but that is ridiculous and you need to cut that person out of your life even if only temporarily.
Have you tried Cocaine Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous? They have meetings all round the country and lots of people say they are really helpful.
Good luck and no need to apologise for posting! X
Thank you purpleheart I’m also thing it’s going to be a long day/weekend on my own with the kids…
I would say trust your instincts about whether he’s on it as they will be right! Mine was the same this time with the arrogance, usually before he would be very apologetic but something was different this time and he didn’t seem very sorry at all tbh but I think that’s because he was still doing it.
I guess that’s why he doesn’t want you to test him then cos he’s getting fed up of drinking all the water! As if you haven’t got enough to do with looking after the kids – hope your day goes ok either way, I think in some ways it’s easier when they’re not there but it’s just a different stress isnt it.
xxxx
Hi bellapop and purpleheart, things aren’t good here, he’s just totally lost the plot, saying he wants to kill himself, I think by taking as many drugs as he can, had a terrible day yesterday, trying to get him some help (even though he doesn’t want it) and am feeling so run down with it all now I’ve been ill for over 2 weeks. I spoke to his mental health worker and she ended up more worried about me I think. Ugh. Totally get what you mean about working purpleheart, I’ve been doing the same as you, it’s just nice to have a bit of normality and something else to think about although yesterday was a struggle.
So he’s gone again purpleheart? Sorry to hear that it’s never ending isn’t it. It’s that pay day thing-I think they start to associate money with drugs and it’s really hard to break that…. I would be cautious about believing the tests unless you are literally watching him do it as mine definitely managed to trick them somehow….did he end up coming back? Hope you’re ok today and managed to get some sleep.
Hope yours is staying strong bellapop! Is there anything that would distract him? I guess it’s better he’s in bed than it doing stuff but totally get how annoying it is when they just check out and leave you to do everything….
I really hope you both have good weekends and we can all try not to let their dramas bring us down too much. I can’t listen to the song at the moment as feel like I’m only just holding it together but will do xxxx