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Hi ladies, I’ve been reading your posts and really feel for you, I am in the exact same situation – it’s unbearable isn’t it. I have 2 kids and a job too and he just does nothing. I hope you’re both having a relaxing non stressful night tonight. Mine has stormed out after behaving ridiculously and demanded £300 be transferred (maybe he started a row on purpose I don’t know) I’m at a point where I don’t want him to come back. It’s nice to have some calm and not be on edge.
He had been doing well for 2 weeks but I can’t forget this time and brush it under the carpet, I feel like something’s changed.
Thinking of you both and hoping things get easier xx
Yes we definitely do! It’s horrible when they’re out and you don’t know what they’re doing or when/if they’ll come back. Mine used to do that and vanish – he went for a bike ride in lockdown an never came back for days I thought he’d been run over! Go to the shop and not come back etc, Think he’s staying in now cos he knows if he does that I’ll be changing the locks. They normally come back when they run out of money/drugs or want a nice place to stay I think. Do you show him the texts when he’s back to normal?
Well he’s having a lovely sleep downstairs, alright for some. I’ve helped time and time again like you and I’d probably do it again if he’d stop lying and get some help but not going to happen! So frustrating cos when he’s clean it’s great but I guess that’s how it should be all the time…Thing is we’ve got kids to look after and it’s like having another child but much worse! My friends think I’m mad. Here’s hoping for a good week for both of us next week xx
It’s like a rollercoaster isn’t it – well done for kicking him out though it’s so hard. It’s so tempting just to get back to normal and everything’s great on the face of it but then it’s always there in the back of your mind when will they do it again…My partner just will not admit anything, the lies are the worst, I know he was doing it last night cos I could hear him sniffing and in the morning there were crumbs on the side, I said you need to go when he got up this morning and then he sends a long text apologising saying he’ll do anything blah blah so try to talk tonight and he’s back to denying it making out I’m imagining it all and it’s my fault he’s acting strange cos I haven’t been talking to him! He said so you think I’ve been acting normal today and I said yes and he started laughing – I think he’s just trying to mess with my head. I just said I give up he needs to go. I’ve tried like you over and over to sort things out for him and I’ve had enough. Unfortunately he hasn’t gone though he’s just in the conservatory staring out the window so not sure what’s going to happen I just want him to leave.
I know what you mean about making you ill I’ve not slept properly for the last 4 weeks just feel really run down.
xx
No probs 🙂 x
Hey Dasey, just click on where it says Share your Story and keep scrolling down and you should find it x
Hi Sarah, nothing would surprise me anymore with addicts – I’ve had money stolen, kids birthday money gone missing, he even spent his own sons birthday money on a bender with some homeless people when I was pregnant. I’m glad he’s your ex and my only advice would be don’t believe a word he says, literally nothing, block him on everything and never let him in your front door again, it’s nothing personal he probably does care for you but nothing can compete with the drugs unfortunately, hope you’re ok xx
Hi whitelightening, I didn’t want to pass your post without replying. Very sorry for your loss of your dad, you deserve the chance to grieve properly xx There are lots of people here in a similar situation and Adfam could point you in the right direction of where you could get some proper support if you haven’t already or Icarus Trust I think also. My mum was in your situation and stuck it out for similar reasons for many years – don’t let him drag you down, stay strong and I really hope you find some support on here xxx
Hi – would totally agree and run a mile as harsh as that sounds – exactly the same happened to me and things went from bad to worse when I was pregnant after previously seeming (relatively) ok – he started taking more and more coke and disappearing/lying throughout my pregnancy – so stressful. Later I found out he had a lifelong drug problem which no one mentioned. Gave him another chance and 3 years later, we’ve had some good times but ended up back to square one. He has a really strong bond with our son which is amazing but I’ve now got to deal with the guilt of making him homeless as he’s out of control again and explaining to our son why daddy’s not here anymore, even typing that I just don’t know how I’m going to do it as feel terrible but just can’t cope any more. Good luck with whatever you decide, the most important things are you and the baby and you should be spending this time excited and making plans not stressing xxx
Hi everyone, I hope you don’t mind me jumping on this thread and I hope you are all holding up ok, I’ve been reading all your stories and really feel for everyone going through this horrible situation xx
I’m feeling so angry with my partner right now, the way he acts when he’s been doing it is vile, we mostly just don’t talk but it’s like walking on egg shells. He’s so manipulative he’s sucking up to our son who’s 3 with chocolate and YouTube so he wants to be with him and not me so I feel like it’s a constant competition (we can’t stay in the same room as each other). He thinks I don’t know he’s doing it but I’ve been testing him so at least I know the truth but it’s making me so angry knowing he’s constantly lying and now I wonder how many other times I haven’t realised and he’s been doing it…. Sorry to rant Xxx
Hi everyone, I hope you don’t mind me jumping on this thread and I hope you are all holding up ok, I’ve been reading all your stories and really feel for everyone going through this horrible situation xx
I’m feeling so angry with my partner right now, the way he acts when he’s been doing it is vile, we mostly just don’t talk but it’s like walking on egg shells. He’s so manipulative he’s sucking up to our son who’s 3 with chocolate and YouTube so he wants to be with him and not me so I feel like it’s a constant competition (we can’t stay in the same room as each other). He thinks I don’t know he’s doing it but I’ve been testing him so at least I know the truth but it’s making me so angry knowing he’s constantly lying and now I wonder how many other times I haven’t realised and he’s been doing it…. Sorry to rant Xxx
Hi Vic6, hope you’re ok and taking care of yourself as much as possible. I can only speak from experience but it will probably only happen if he really wants it to and actively decides to get help himself but it doesn’t sound like he’s even admitted he has a problem yet. Unfortunately he’s probably less likely to do that while he’s got you looking after him and putting up with his behaviour (not judging at all as I’m doing exactly the same!) My partner tells the most ridiculous lies too to the point we haven’t spoken for 2 weeks as I just can’t be bothered to waste my time listening to it all when I know he’s been taking coke again…. You shouldn’t have to put up with him being abusive there’s no excuse for that. It’s a stressful draining life being with an addict – personally I am getting close to walking away but we have a child so it’s hard. Take care xx
Sending hugs to you lovely xx what a horrible situation but sounds like you are doing the right thing, maybe he will come to his senses if he realises you mean it and get some help xx
You’ve got to put yourself first and do what you need to do to make sure you’re ok, depressing to think of the rest of our lives being more of the same that’s for sure. It doesn’t sound like your husband wants to change? Mine says he does sometimes and has temporarily but he doesn’t actually make any changes just hides away from everyone then as soon as he gets offered any it’s back to square one. Can’t believe he said nothing when you said about a divorce! Do you think it sunk in? You’d think they’d grow out of it by 45/50 but doesn’t seem to work like that x
It’s so horrible having an atmosphere isn’t it – it’s ok for them cos they’re blocking it out with the drugs but we have to deal with it- we’ve not really spoken for 2 weeks now…hope you’re ok, can you get away anywhere for a break away from him? xx
Hi James, thanks for taking the time to reply I really appreciate your advice – I know in my heart you’re right it’s just so hard to make a break. He’s gone for months at a time without using and I thought this was it he’d finally done it but don’t think that will ever be the case – he’s 50 this year and basically had a lifelong drug problem. Hopefully I’ll be strong enough to do what I need to do one day xx