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I just don’t understand how their brains work it doesn’t make sense does it?? My partner has never ever voluntarily. admitted anything to me in the whole c. 6 years we’ve been together I’ve found out eventually each time – but then he gets better at lying so I have to come up with a new way. The lies are unbelievable. Now I’m secretly testing him and it’s positive but can’t say anything…. I could ask him to leave as it’s my house and I think that’s the only reason he doesn’t throw it in my face like yours does as when we had to stay at his for a while I saw a real change in him he was vile – I feel stupid as so many ladies on here want to get away and I have the chance but I’m not strong enough I feel too guilty and bad for our son who just always wants his daddy….I think you’re right they have to really want to change – he does a bit I believe that but he doesn’t put the effort in he just tried to hide away in the house so it’s never going to work long term especially as his older son and now our next door neighbours son turn out to be both selling it – makes me feel there’s no hope I just feel so sad for our son xx
I got back with my bf hoping he would stay clean, I think partly because of my hormones as we’d not long had a baby and I wanted it to work, but 3 years later he’s back on it and now it’s sooo much harder as he has a really good relationship with our son so I now feel I’m stuck with him. He was meant to be looking after him as nursery was closed last week and I found out he spent £150 on either coke/crack during that day!!!! So now can’t leave him at all. So with a baby no way I would leave him on his own, make sure you’re there too unless you’re sure he’s clean and is going to stay that way. My bf would be horrified if I said I was going to let someone babysit who’d been taking drugs but ok for him to do it apparently. They can’t control it at all so you just can’t trust them at those times unfortunately. Sorry you are having to deal with this with a baby to look after, take care of yourself xx
Hi Cat93, so sorry to hear that, what a shame he started using as soon as he came off the meds – my partner has been tapering down for about 2 years now, he’s still on a low dose but has recently relapsed with coke/maybe crack but no opiates I don’t think as he’s still taking his bupronorphine – i feel exactly like you, it’s been a long draining journey and if it wasn’t for the fact we have kids I wouldn’t still be with him – I don’t know what to do either so maybe not the best person for advice lol but I totally get how you’re feeling – he’s got his routine drug test for his prescriber tomorrow so he’s been detoxing since Wednesday sleeping and being grumpy/rude – hoping he doesn’t get straight back on it after his appointment but if he does I think that’s it I can’t cope anymore…. Maybe they could put your partner back on it…..did he come off too quick? I find the constant lying the worst thing xx
Hi there, didn’t want to not reply, hope you’re ok and I don’t know the details but try not to blame yourself – I’m trying to remember with my partner that we can’t save them, it has to come from inside them – easier said than done though I know when you can see they are throwing everything away. Does your husband say he wants to get any help or admit he has a problem? Sounds like it’s been going on a while so you must be exhausted with it all, so draining – is there anyone you could trust to open up to then you would have someone to talk to xx
Yes it’s so hard when you can’t rely on them as even when things are good I’m worrying about the next time…. Does he take any medication for his ADHD? Even though my bf seems to be relapsing now I do think the new meds he got put on in hospital made a real difference and maybe he’ll be able to pull himself back before things get too bad (fingers crossed). I think quite a few people with addictions have underlying mental health issues that aren’t diagnosed or not on the correct meds. He slept in the conservatory as he’s annoyed I caught him out lying about where he was – it’s draining as I feel like I’m in detective mode now trying to piece together what’s happening.
How’s things with you today? Does your husband normally have a big binge then back on the straight and narrow? Do you have anyone else to help you? Toddlers are hard at the best of times lol let alone with all this to deal with. X
Sorry, realised I went on a big rant about me! But hope knowing you are not alone helps in some way! X
Hi and well done for making that call! My boyfriend has been on buprenorphine for a couple of years and it seems to have worked very well for him – he is tapering down VERY slowly and is on weekly pick ups now – he has other drug issues but at least the opiates are sorted. Good luck and well done again 🙂
Hi Georgia, sorry to hear that you are in this situation. Hi James – I’ve read a lot of your posts and you always have great advice!
I’ve never posted before either but just wanted to say I’m in a similar situation and it’s so hard as no one (apart from people on here) understands what it’s like! Long story short but I found out my bf had a coke problem after 6 months together – he swore he’d sort it and said it had only been going on for a few months – I end up getting pregnant as things all going great and it then becomes obvious it’s not sorted, all the usual signs – he went to NA and actually ended up meeting people who he then started taking more drugs with (not NA’s fault but it will only work if you want it to) – culminating in finding out he was smoking heroin in the house when our baby was 7 weeks old (in bed in spare room). He was out every night claiming to be at NA but actually sitting in peoples cars smoking drugs whilst I was at home with the baby. Threw him out and turns out he’s had lifelong drug problem but no one thought to mention it – he was subsequently sectioned as he then started smoking loads of crack and lost the plot but then seemed to really sort himself out – I thought that was going to be the turning point as he got prescribed new meds which really seemed to make a difference and we started living together again. Like you we have months and months where things are great, perfect, he’s the best dad and spends his days doing jobs round the house – then out of nowhere we’re back to square one with the lies and money being spent, moodiness etc – he’s lied to me all day today about where he’s been, I don’t know what’s he’s up to but as other people have said on other threads your instincts normally turn out to be right … I’m on the verge of calling it a day as can’t deal with this all over again but it’s so hard when there’s kids involved and you know they have it in them to be so amazing sometimes – so totally get where you’re coming from… x