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If you are okay with it, I’d love to be able to reach out to you from time to time. I think we share some similarities in our stories. And I’m here for you too, anytime you need to talk… hugs.
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If you don’t mind, I may reach out to you again sometime. I’m in the United States, so we have the time difference, but we’ll manage.. 🙂
Yes, I have done Al Anon for a few years. It’s not my favorite because it’s so scripted. You’re not really supposed to talk about your “person”, it’s supposed to be about fixing yourself which is good too, but that’s why I’m so glad to have found this place because sometimes I’m having such a bad day and I need to reach out and talk about him.
( If you’re interested in my story, you can look through the threads for “Mother of Adult Alcoholic Son).
I’m here for you as well, anytime you want to reach out. We need others to hear and I thank you for hearing me….
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Thank you Cornwallmother. I really appreciate you reaching out. I’m sorry for the delay in responding, I’m in the United States and you’re 7 hours ahead but we’ll manage. 🙂
I guess I just do what you are doing. I just have to reach out sometimes and it mostly doesn’t work, but I can’t help it. I think you’re right, there’s no right or wrong in it. It’s a matter of what it does to me. Sometimes it makes me feel better, sometimes not. Thanks for listening- I needed it. And I’m here for you too..
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Hi- thank you for reaching out- it means a lot! My son is not currently sober. He says he’s working on it, which is a common thing, but it doesn’t get better. We’re not talking a lot right now because he wants time alone. It’s just really hard for me, it makes me feel like he doesn’t care. It’s a lonely journey for us as parents and I’m glad we have each other.
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Hi Scotgal- I’m here if you ever want to talk. My son is also not speaking to me. He wants to be left alone to drink himself to death. My son is 38. You can read my post, ” Mother of Adult Alcoholic Son”. I need people to talk to sometimes too..
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I’m so very sorry for what you are going through. I have an addicted son too- alcohol. I’m here for you if you need an ear, because I need an ear sometimes too.
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I’ll talk with you. My story is an alcoholic son. I don’t know yours, but I joined because I need to talk with people too….
Hello Cornwall Mom- I’ve responded to you before. I’m the mom with the alcoholic son. I wanted to reach out- I’m just having a really bad day.
I posted above that he had sent a profuse apology for how he treats me when he’s drinking. He said, “You know that’s not me right?” Well, unfortunately, it’s mostly him because that’s really all I get to see. I know the good guy is in there, but does it really matter? It’s not who they currently are. As expected, I have not heard from him at all since that text on July 23rd. I too, have not reached out. But then I get to a place where I start getting anxiety when I haven’t heard anything and start crying more. We were a lot like you and your son. I had him when I was 19 and he was my sunshine. A very blonde boy with ringlet curls. We were very close for a mother and son and I treasured that. I don’t know how to let that part go. He tells me that I’m the most important thing in his life and clearly that’s not true.
I’ve been privately crying a lot, and couldn’t take it anymore, so I sent him a text telling him how sad I am and that I miss him. I basically poured my heart out to him. I feel like he doesn’t care about me at all. He talks to no one right now. He does not have a girlfriend or a job. As I mentioned on my post, he’s living off a small inheritance from his grandfather. I can’t control the money, so he has no reason to stop. He will run out of money, but it could take a year. He rarely leaves his apartment. He’s not in touch with any family members ( except me occasionally). I worry about his mental state.
Anyway, no surprise, after pouring my heart out to him, he didn’t even respond. And here I am, left again to my tears and he’s probably drinking away whatever emotion it invoked in him. Then the mind starts, and I think “is he dead and that’s why he’s not responding?” Then I get mad at myself for reaching out at all and setting myself up for this. And I don’t know how to not do it. He’s my son.
Hello Harleyjane- your story of your son is my story with my son except that his is alcohol. You can read my story : Mother of Adult Alcoholic Son” a couple of weeks ago. I too, love, hate, and my son. It’s also down to just me as his support as he’s pushed all of his family away, it’s not something I really want. It’s exhausting. And he’s not really even talking to me that much. When he drinks, he lashes out at me and then I have to back off for a while. And yet, despite that- I still miss him! It’s craziness! Nothing I do or say changes anything. It’s so lonely where we are. People look at us and think, “Just get rid of them in your life!” I wish I could sometimes, but that would make me miserable too. I’ve lost the son I knew too. The grief is so painful. I can’t even look at pictures of him when he was younger- I just sob. When glimpses of my son come out, it’s so hard. You want to hope, but you know it just goes the same way it always does with him going back to alcohol.
I can’t even fathom that this could be how the rest of my life is, this pain. I thought you raised your kids, and sometimes it’s not easy, and then you have some peace and satisfaction later in life with them grown and living their own lives. At least that’s how it looks for many people I know and that makes me sad too.
Hopefully we can all support one another. xoxo
As I mentioned in previous posts, we’re hardly speaking right now. About 3 weeks ago, I called him and texted just to say hi. He eventually texted back and was obviously intoxicated. He told me to stop harassing him and that if I knew what love was about I would realize that. Huh??? I didn’t respond and haven’t reached out at all. Of course it hurt.
Yesterday he texted and said he owed me a huge apology and admitted that he was drinking. He said he didn’t mean what he said, he’s very sorry and he’s trying again to get sober, and that he missed me and loved me. He didn’t ask for anything.
The first relief is he’s alive. We’ve been down this road many times. I told him I’m cheering him on with prayer and love and that was it. I have to hold my heart. This is the crazy train that we live….