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Hi Liz. You must never blame yourself for this. It is sad but it is his choice to do what he does. It’s his choice that he puts it before you and your future together. Its his choice as well to ignore the impact it has on you both. As for his reaction I know it too well through my own situation, it makes you doubt yourself, it makes you feel bad like your in the wrong. Please don’t ever doubt yourself and be mindful when things like this happen so you can protect yourself. Addiction does affect the adictee but you have a choice as to whether it affects you. In my mind there is no excuse for using drugs or alcohol in a way which is detrimental to those around you. Addiction can almost become an excuse. If your partner doesn’t see this or doesn’t want to listen try writing down your feelings. Tell him how it affects you, tell him what you want and need from him. It’s easy not to listen but he can’t ignore your words. It is sad but if he can’t see this or escape it you can. Trust yourself and never doubt yourself or what you feel. If easier than through the blog my email is gleofinch@gmail.com. your not alone.
I know how alone you feel, even when the one you love is near, you still feel alone. I’m feeling it right now as while typing this message my wife is asleep on the floor downstairs due to her addiction to alcohol. I love her but at the same time I don’t know if I do. I love the idea of her, I love the woman I fell in love with but there comes a time when your with an ‘addict’ that you have to realize who you loved was someone different. My advise to you, is don’t beat yourself up, don’t spend countless hours trying to convince him he is an addict or he should change as none of it matters as the only person who can change him is himself. I’ve spent the last 12 months trying to help, to change my wife so to get back the woman I love but I’ve learnt nothing I do matters as it has to come from her and not me. Also do remember that while he may not feel he has a choice, you do ! You can chose to spend your time with someone you love feeling lonely and sad, letting the addiction beat you or you can chose to move on. When you decide is up to you but please don’t let his addiction overwhelm you. If you want to talk I’m happy to help, my advice is just based on experiance. The hardest thing as a partner is to accept your powerless against it but when you do accept this it is hard but does help. I hope this post helps if not now then in the future. Take Care – Fin
It was the subject of your post that caught my attention. At times I’ve found its the hidden bottles and the lies which are what hurts, not obviously the alcohol and its effects. My wife is an alcoholic and I know exactly what you are going through as I went through months of worrying when my wife was alone with the children who are very young. I kept putting my faith in her to not drink but it constantly got broken. Keeping faith in the one you love is natural but your taking risks with the safety of your child. Act now is all I can recommend as while I didn’t leave it too late I wish I had done something sooner. You can still be there for your partner but your son must come first !
Reading your post really struck a cord with me. My wife has an alcohol addiction which in the last year has escalated to the point that at the end of May a decision may be taken by child services to exclude her from the family home. I still love her dearly though and I am terrified of that happening but regonise the need for the stability of my kids. My fear is the same as yours – do I need to begin to accept that our relationship may be over or do I continue to support her from a distance. These are simply heart breaking and impossible decisions. I feel for you as I know how hard this is.