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Hello cutie pie. I read you post, no one replied and usually I just read posts. I think you are from the states but it doesn’t matter we all hurt & cry. I’m probably your mums age, my son is 25. Stay strong for your babies, I made that choice a long time ago and left. Made a life for him and me. I promised myself I would never go back to that again. Hey here I am. The difference is you are young & although desperate you will get past this. In every situation in life a line has to be drawn. People cross it & they hurt you or don’t add to your life… move on. I love my husband but I can’t take much more. I know worse case I will get though it. He starts detox next week & currently he is vile & hateful towards me. Just left a restaurant & walked home because of it. I have little empathy left for him or respect. Look after you and your children, those days are precious. You will get through this. Make the right decisions & enjoy life again. I wish you all the best x
I’m saying this as my experience not yours. You will know when you’ve had enough or you decide that you are strong enough & can lead your children away from this. As I said I don’t have that worry. But I do understand. You will cope because as parents & I don’t care what people say, yes responsible parents. In life we have all had to face our demons. But life is precious. A couple of friends of mine are ill & I through my own journey realise life is what you make it. If you want happiness take it, enjoy every stupid thing that tickles your fancy. My friend today made me laugh until I cried…. I’d forgotten that. Best medicine- go out there & laugh again x
All my advice & wisdom…. I’ve thrown the towel in. I’ve said I’ve had enough. 8yrs of dealing with this. I came back to this chat line because I wanted hope. I read your post & that was me some years ago. He promised me to stop… last 2 days I don’t think so. I’m sick of the lies & selfishness. He only cares about himself, not the hurt & mistrust he has caused. Life is for living don’t waste it I have. I want to leave, go but I can’t.
It’s good to talk. I think that’s what we all need. I have no one I can talk to, maybe like yourself we need to find a place, person to just vent out. The shame and frustration hurts.
What have I done? I’ve googled everything on addiction from nhs websites to rehabs. A few things I have learned are self care & to stop enabling him. Harsh as it seems I have told him it’s his problem not mine. Unless he wants & starts getting help I have no sympathy. But underneath I feel terrible. But you need to be strong, you have your children. Put them & yourself first.
Hi, I can sense the desperation in your post. You obviously love your wife as much as I love my husband.
I won’t lie, I thought I could stop my husband from using. I haven’t. Instead his drug use has worn me down to the point that I cannot cry anymore.
You and your children are what matters currently. All of you, your happiness & health. Concentrate on this.
I’m not ready to leave my husband, I have told him that he needs to give me his bank cards & I will provide “pocket money “. He is spending incredible amounts of money on coke. I have said to him that we need to see the gp together.
I have spent too much time on my own whilst he sleeps off the effects of his binges. I don’t stay in anymore waiting, looking after him. I go out to the gym. Have made new friends and walk my dogs. He has started to notice. I’m getting stronger in myself. Strangely this seems to worry him.
I have learnt I can’t change him until he wants to.
loving someone with an addiction is almost like a bereavement. But people do recover & im still hanging on to that.
Hi my husband has a bad problem with coke. I think it’s amazing how you have tried to stop. He has little interest only when he feels ill afterwards. I have beeb supportive in the the past but am sick of how lonely my life has become with him. Either off his head or sleeping. I wonder if your app might help? He won’t do anything to help himself & ive told him I’m waiting until he is really ill as nothing else seems to scare him. How did you start to help yourself?
My husband is an alcoholic and coke addict. We started sober October together to help him. He’s already started again. Became irritable, walked out & on it all again. I don’t know what to do. From the discussions on this forum it seems impossible to change them. As you all say the coke comes first. Sometimes I feel I have the strength to deal with it but not the strength to tell him to get out. He’s ruining my life. I’ve just found out he’s stolen £400 from my bank & spent it on drugs. It’s all so selfish, I feel the same as everyone here worn out & unable to even cry anymore.
It’s only been a couple of days he’s been clean. I’m not kidding myself this is it. Reading everyone’s stories I know the road ahead is a rocky one. The longest he’s been clean is when we travelled Australia for a month- only because he couldn’t get anything. I think all of you are brave and if you need to cry holly it’s ok. I’m sure we have all done this. It’s always someone else’s fault they don’t take ownership. It’s weird as I don’t know any of you but I can tell you how hurt, degraded I’ve been made to feel. No one else knows. It was the final straw last week when he dropped me off home after a couple of hrs together. He then went to score and sent me a picture of him and his idiot coke mates in the pub all laughing. He told them what he had done. I’ve been called frigid- who wants someone pissed and drunk? In the past apparently I’m his trigger, the one nagging. I am trying to be strong and I all of you are. People do give up but it’s who they hurt on the way. I am determined now not to be dragged down by it all. Hollybush call the citizens advice bureau they will be able to help you re debt, rent and any other issues. For 20 years I worked in a job which worked with their department. Small steps will help address issues which you do have some control with. I am so sorry that you feel so desperate, I really do know what it is like. A big hug and I’m still here for you too xx
That’s really good news. He is still clean and was up early working from home. He seems more positive today and actually said he was feeling better. He actually looks better! I actually slept well for the first time in ages. I’ve actually woken up before with him snorting in the bedroom. Disgusting. Keep strong. I’m so glad I’ve got someone to talk to – thank you xx
Thank you all for listening to me and sharing. Everything you say rings true to me. It’s feels better to talk to someone, I’m not ready to do that in person. I have sick, elderly parents & a business to run…. even my dogs had an op. Seriously sometimes I could actually laugh about it all if it wasn’t true. He has managed 2 days no coke or alcohol and has actually helped round the home and got out of bed. It’s the bad temper which I am having trouble with. I feel angry and am trying not to snap. This year has been so bad for everyone, it’s hard to just escape for a while. We are doing sober October together. Before all of this I loved my sport and art. I think this is why I feel so bad. Must have put a stone on during covid! He has gone to see his family for a few hrs. I am going to relax, have a last glass of wine. I think I need to change, I’m not who I was years ago before all this and I don’t want to be who I am now. Their behaviour and lifestyle affects us. I don’t think I should let it. its bad dreading someone coming home. how do partners cope? I can’t help blaming him even though he’s trying now.
You aren’t on your own. People do love and care about you, it’s the shame of his behaviour which is most likely making you feel the way you do. That’s how I feel. My parents wouldn’t understand. Sometimes I can’t either to be honest. I broke down and told my husband I had enough yesterday and gave him the choice of getting help or our marriage was over. He called NA and our gp. It’s a start but it’s a long road ahead. You are a good mum and you are thinking of your children. Perhaps you need to draw a line, can you go back to your parents for a while? The citizens advice bureau provides free advice. I don’t hold my breath with what’s happening at the moment in my situation but I can honestly say that I’ve had enough of everything. I don’t want to live as we both know anymore. I want to feel happy again. He has to help himself I cannot do it anymore. You need to do the same look after you and your children x
Hello I’m in the same situation but luckily no kids involved. Today is a really bad day again. All weekend my husband has been coking and drinking. Every weekend is him hung over, grumpy in bed then starting the whole roller coaster again. 7 years ago when we first met I had no idea if his addictions but over the years it has become worse. After last night I have told him I can’t stand it anymore. Constant lies that he will stop get help but he dies nothing. He’s reduced the drink but says he can’t stop the coke and has to come off it slowly. Last week he spent over £200 on it. I don’t know how to help and I know I need to help myself. I haven’t used a forum before but I feel so alone and sad.