[gabbyf]

I’m so sorry that it worked out that way but at least he was honest and you know that if he comes back it will be genuine.

Actions speak louder than words and for me, the actions have been selfish and dismissive of me no matter how I try to get us to move forward. I feel like I’ve been led on and lied to when all he had to do was be honest about everything and it hurts. You will get your happy ending no matter what and always remember your worth. You sound like an amazing person and either he or someone else will show you that. xx

[gabbyf]

Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply but with this whole isolation thing, I’ve had some ups and downs.

I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of this but I’m glad you do have your son.

He says he wants to get help but doesn’t. We’re supposed to be in quarantine but he went to see someone last week, ended up drinking and coming back home after 11pm. He left again yesterday and hasn’t come back.

I’ve tried to support him. I’ve gone to Al-anon, I’ve tried to work on myself and not tell him what to do and I’ve tried to support him but he doesn’t want to help himself and to be honest, I’m fed up. I love him but I’m not in love with him if that makes sense? He doesn’t see that he’s two different people and it breaks my heart to think that I’m going to lose my best friend but if I don’t take a step back now, I know I’ll only be harming myself even more. His behaviour has been selfish and it disgusts me that even now when everyone is doing their bit, he has to go drinking and smoking weed. I just feel lost and alone and it hurts I can’t even be around family…

I wish you all the luck in your fresh start. You and your child are the most important things at the end of the day!

[gabbyf]

I thought the same but they don’t handle addiction well and I see more and more how much they enable so I guess we can all judge each other. I just have to move on and ignore them.

I guess I didn’t appreciate the communication. I’m glad he did. I think what you did was lovely and it’s a shame it didn’t work out. Give him a bit of space and time maybe? If he keeps pushing you away then ask him whether he wants you in his life or not and if not then he should be honest and not contact you. It would be painful but at least you’d know.

[gabbyf]

Thank you so much. I’ll definitely be in touch.

[gabbyf]

This is exactly what I’m scared of to be honest. I go from extreme highs to extreme lows and I know I can’t sustain that or have a family when it’s like that. I wish we could just find people without addictions willing to love us and not put us through this…

[gabbyf]

She didn’t reply. His family have taken the stance of “we seem to argue a lot” and to be honest they’ve made me feel isolated especially since I thought they were different.

They’ve said whatever they’ve said to him and I’m not involved so I’ll remember this and if we do get through it, I’m not going to carry on the way I have been with them, they’ll be kept at arms length.

I talked to him today and although he started off defensive, we seem to have agreed to try and move forward, I just don’t know how that looks yet because I know I don’t trust him and I’m scared of getting hurt but he expects me to get over it.

All you can do is let him know you’re there to support him and you care. If he doesn’t reciprocate, it’s hard but you have to force yourself to move on. I wouldn’t have chosen this life for myself and 4 years down the road, I wish I’d never met him…

[gabbyf]

Not to be a pessimist or place my own experience on you but they’re selfish people that find a way to push us away and make us feel extremely isolated.

You need to find help for yourself and the strength to do what’s best for you. Easier said than done but if he doesn’t want to help himself, you’ll never convince him to.

[gabbyf]

I honestly don’t understand it but my partner has really pushed me away tonight and has been harsh.

I feel hurt that I’ve come to places like this to try and get help so I could help him when he just wants to push me away…

I know it’s easier said than done but you need to eat and you need to think about yourself. I’m going to try and sleep in the hopes that I don’t have to think about it for a few hours but I’m in so much pain and really appreciate your message because I know I’m not alone no matter how much I feel it

[gabbyf]

I honestly get where you’re coming from. I’m in such a dark place at the moment. I’ve had to work from home so I’m alone, he came back home today because of the scares and instead of coming home to me, he went to his mums.

I wish I had an answer for you but I don’t. All I know is that I love someone who may not be able to love me back the way I need and it kills me that I don’t have the power to just walk away.

I told one of his family members and after a bit of a chat, I haven’t heard from them which has made me feel even more alone because I can talk to my family or it would change everything.

Loving an addict is so isolating and I guess all we can do is let them know how we feel and take their actions as them explaining what they want because words are just words.

[gabbyf]

I really hope we both do what’s best for ourselves in the end. I hate caring about someone who doesn’t seem to think about me. I really try to understand the addiction side of things but it’s gets to a point where I can’t make that an excuse for his negative behaviour in our lives…

[gabbyf]

I know it’s not my fault but I just can’t leave him, at the moment anyway. My head is telling me to run and my heart is trying to find a way through it.

I hate that I can’t just walk away to be honest.

[gabbyf]

I feel for you too! I totally get what you’re saying. You meet what you think is someone you can have a future with then learn they’re someone else…

I decided to tell his sister and she’s told his mother. I know he’ll hate me but I love him and do want what’s best for him. I don’t know if it’s something I can get past but I can only take each day as it comes.

I think all we can do is deal with ourselves and make sure we don’t ruin our lives and we all have different coping mechanisms.

I feel sick to my stomach but I know I can only control myself so same goes for you. I hope you both find a happy way forward xx

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