[gardenfence]

Thank you Bella2210 and Redfox20 for your replies. I did regain some communication with him for a while, and he started to open up in messages that he had addictions and it all got too much and now needs to be by himself to sort things out. That at least has allowed me to understand he knows he’s got addictions and is sorting it out. For me and others no doubt it’s painful when someone turns their back on those who love them and wanted only good things for them. He’s told me he doesn’t want contact with me anymore. It does make you feel awful and you can’t switch off love overnight.

I’ve deleted all photos of him and us, deleted messages between us and returned jewellery he bought me as a way to start looking forward. Addiction is selfish and recovering addicts are applauded and quite rightly so for getting themselves better, yet the good guys like us appear to have our feelings and emotions disregarded and discarded by someone recovering from addiction. It’s the cruel side of addiction that is often ignored.

Seek good friendships to talk this through with, I am and they are my rock. I’ve spoken to a counsellor and they are brilliant too. Sunnier days are ahead and I hope we all get peace of mind soon and keep reminding ourselves we are good people.

[gardenfence]

I can’t say whether you should or shouldn’t confront your partner on the positive test strips. What I know has helped me is speaking to a counsellor about what I’ve gone and am going through. They allowed me to talk openly and helped reflect back to me that the other person’s behaviour is not of my doing. I also needed to take care of me and heal myself.

Maybe talk to someone independent of your situation who will give your better guidance, than well intentioned friends and family could. My main advice is do all you can to protect yourself from any more mental harm and anguish that the other person is inflicting on you. It’s hard wrestling between head and heart, just know you are worth more than being treated in such a cruel way.

[gardenfence]

Hello all

Firstly thank you all for sharing your stories, as I’m so thankful you have because it’s letting me make some understanding of what’s happened to my relationship.

My partner called a halt to our relationship the day before Christmas Eve. I knew something was up for a few weeks but as we have a distance relationship I couldn’t see him face to face to really know what was going on.

Prior to us becoming an item we’d been out together for a few years in ours 20’s However, we both eventually moved on with different people. A few years ago we reconnected (as singletons) became good friends and supported each other through our own personal ventures into coupledom, eventually realising we could be a couple together.

I was aware he took cocaine, he knew my views on drugs (which hadn’t changed from the first time round). I wasn’t though aware to the extent he took cocaine, and seeing first hand the impact on his health I said it concerned me (as did his family to me and to him) the consequences to him and those who loved him. I never judged him, never told him what to do but when he blind sided me with his decision to end the relationship he said it was because of my judgement, my looking down on him and him referencing everything I’d done to make him feel that way. At no point did he ever bring these things up to me in our relationship rather stored everything up and saw me as being the problem. He said something changed he can’t put his finger on it but he feels nothing for me.

Like most things I’m hearing on here being bewildered, shocked and made to feel the problem is the cruel effects of this drug on those people who genuinely come from a good place, in their love and care for someone they love.

I hope we all gain our own peace of mind, and know we didn’t force someone to take cocaine, they chose to take it.

Take time to heal yourselves, and be kind to you.

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