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Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately, I paid the latest debt on Monday night before both of yours & Brian’s responses, but having discussed things ourselves we agree that this is not going to help in the long term, and will not pay up again. He is in a bad way at the moment mentally, and showing all the classic signs – lying, falling out with friends, anger, schizophrenia, etc. He knows he needs help but when I booked a Doctor’s appointment yesterday he wouldn’t come. Brian’s advice in his earlier posts are proving useful as this is now coming to a head, and we can offer him all the help, but he’s got to want to take the first step with us. All we cab do, is be supportive if he needs us. As you say, it’s soul destroying watching him do it to himself. Thanks again – I’m finding these conversations useful.
Thanks Brian – we’re doing most of what you’ve said but he is threatening to kill himself if we don’t pay his dealer (again!) which we know is emotional blackmail, but is hard to resist. As you say you love them unconditionally but there comes a point where you have to let them realise their mistakes. We have backed off to some degree but he just keeps pushing what’s left of the boundaries and hurting us and his brother and sister. I’m glad you’re situation seems to be improving and hope it continues. I’ll keep you updated. It’s good to talk!
Brian. Thanks for sharing that. I can completely empathise as my wife and I are going through a similar thing with our 17 year old. He has been smoking weed for, we think, 3 years, and has got into debt with dealers which we have had to help him out with. However, despite the problems he has caused, he will not see it, and we are at the end of our tether. I have thought about going to the police but am concerned about the repercussions both for him (from a drugs charge) and the rest of the family (from the dealers). We are not naive, and understand the dangers and whilst we hope that he will come out of it, we are losing hope. I would be interested in how your experience with the police panned out. I completely respect them but am worried it may do more harm than good. My son is very closed and also self-harms, and will not tell us much of what is going on in his life. However, it is good (if that’s the right word) that a forum exists where people can share their experiences and advice. All the best, Gary.