[georgia26]

Hi!

I don’t think really you need to panic about your safety as such, drug addicts aren’t bad people, if he’s been normal for years chances are he’s been using the whole time so I don’t think he’ll all of a sudden become aggressive. People use usually because they’re self medicating – I’ve never met an addict who isn’t using for a reason.

I think you should continue to watch him and see how much he’s doing it and wait until next month when you move so then if he does become horrible you can go back to your parents.

My boyfriend is an addict but he’d never lay a finger on me / my child… I just think he will lie / manipulate, say you’re crazy, say that it was just the once etc.

Could you work through it with him and if he accepts help will you stick by him? You have to be ready for relapses though – as it’ll happen.

Always here for advice! X

[georgia26]

Oh I’m so sorry he will soon realise when reality hits him what he’s lost. You have to move on with you life now as hard as it is, let him realise as soon enough he will.

[georgia26]

Hello,

Oh I feel for you as I know this pain, when you just find out your whole life gets turned upside down. He’s clearly got a bad problem – hence the wages going missing. I won’t lie to you it doesn’t get any easier in fact it’s going to be a bumpy road but it doesn’t mean it’s the end of your life with him.

You are going to have to confront him, but be prepared when you’re an addict in active addiction they can be absolutely awful towards you. He will most likely deny it, or say it was a one off, they are great at manipulating and making you think you are crazy but believe me… you are not.

There’s no easy answer, until he wants to admit it all to you and says he needs help there’s nothing you can do as he will just lie and this will continue. I’ve had this for the past 5 years now and have a 2 year old son, my partner has relapsed again and he’s been gone binging on cocaine for the past 10 days. Leaving me with my son, the sad thing is I’m kind of used to it now, but I remember the feeling when I first found out, horrendous ….

I do think you could leave your son with him, He’s probably been doing this for years without you even realising.

I would also buy the strip cocaine drug tests from eBay – so he can’t lie to you, make him do one they’re instant.

In regards to your house situation you have no legal right as you gifted him the deposit – but at least you’ve got another property if you needed to leave.

The thing with addiction I think until they hit rock bottom and about to lose everything they have no reason to stop… mines about to lose his family and he couldn’t really care less, cocaine makes them selfish, arrogant, manipulative and narcissistic! My boyfriend is totally different when he’s using I have to totally cut him off until he’s not using, as addicts don’t see logic when they’re using.

The fact he’s using porn and gambling as well this all goes hand in hand! I would tell him you know eveyrhing but please do not shout as it won’t work it’ll do the opposite he’ll probably just leave and continue to use. Speak to him with some empathy honestly I’ve learnt the hard way – I know it’s hard but be calm and explain you know he’s taking drugs and now you have the proof.

Let us all know how it goes, this group really helps me. It will get easier but you need to learn to detach yourself from this it’s early days but you will. I have, it will be ok but he’s going to have to want help (rehab/CA MEETINGS/addiction counselling) or he’ll never ever change.

Believe me in regards to the mood thing – they have no empathy what so ever when they’re using cocaine, it makes them emotionless and selfish.

I wish I had better advice for you. Xxx

[georgia26]

Ugh you are basically living my life, except mine doesn’t do it at home he runs and he blames me for not coming home, he went out on Friday to help his brother and never came home… still not home, and the texts I am receiving are narcissistic addict lies, blaming me, being vile – Coke blame talk, that I know so well. He forgets last week I picked him up after believing he’d changed for the 100th time and cared for him, gave him vitamins, Googled addiction counsellors, groups etc …. Why am I so naive and stupid I wish I didn’t fall for their lies, I just hold onto hope that he’ll change for our son… but he won’t

I’m sat in bed right now feeling so run down too, not knowing where he is or who he is with, this has happened many times.

I’m so over it, I hope you’re ok. We deserve better. Xx

[georgia26]

You sound exactly the same as me – I have had to kick him out on Friday night, I’m in a vicious cycle and my sons now 2 and he’s asking where daddy is every other week 🙁 it’s so hard to deal with I completely sympathise with you – I feel terrible for kicking mine out as I know he’ll be sniffing even more drugs from the stress but I can’t physically take it anymore and I think he needs to realise what he’s doing, I’m so upset by it all it’s making me physically ill I’ve got a mouth full of ulcers and my skins horrendous my hairs falling out.

I’ve been giving him endless chances now for years, but why when he doesn’t come home and let’s me down again am I shocked? I feel like such an idiot

[georgia26]

Hi – ok so the same thing happened to me, fast forward two years from being pregnant I’ve got a 2 year old, we’re back to square one he’s using drugs again on and off and it’s ruining my life, I’m stressed my sons stressed I’m so done. My advice would be run a mile ! They never change

[georgia26]

Hi lovely

Ugh it’s so draining I’ve also done a drug test on him before he said it was faulty, it’s so embarrassing honestly. The first night he stayed out and relapsed his excuse was that he got arrested for having a light out whilst driving home from work lol, an addicts lie, shameful and embarrassing…

It’s turned me into a paranoid wreck, I question everything, I re go over things in my head I drain myself… it changes you completely doesn’t it.

Oh gosh the fact his brothers lost everything because of his addiction is terrible, addiction can run in families… and you know I have sympathy to an extent for people suffering with this disease but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with does it? Loving an addict is the hardest thing ever.

I feel like I’m checking out too but I love him to death because he’s perfect when he’s straight and off of that shit, it’s like a reoccurring pattern and circle we’re stuck in again, but this time we’ve got a 2 year old in the middle of it. He’s out for nights on end and blames me says he can’t come home because of how abusive I am when he’s relapsed – which is lies I’ve tried every way of reacting nothing works, I can get angry be nice etc nothing works he’ll still stay out and be vile.

I know they can recover but the chances are slim and it seems that I have to accept this or move on. But the thought of leaving him devastates me for my sons sake.

It’s a shame we can’t keep in touch properly to support one another, I climb the walls and feel so alone when he’s out relapsing.

Take care xxx

[georgia26]

Hi Dan it’s amazing news that you’ve been clean 6 months now. I used to chat to you a couple of years back – and here I am still here, still fighting it’s draining me.

He says he’s going to CA and addiction counselling…

I’ve said he needs to change his number, because he gets idiots msging and calling all the time. I’m so fed up, but you give me hope I’m so happy for you mate, has your girlfriend stuck by you? How did she cope?

[georgia26]

I’m sorry you’re going through the same, I’m a nervous wreck I question absolutely everything, I clock watch, my fight or flight is constant it’s ruined me…. It makes me seem controlling to him but he’s the reason I am this way, it’s so horrible I have no advice for you I wish I did, I don’t think many addicts change it’s a pattern and I think it’s something we have to accept and work with them on or leave. It just is impossible to love an addict I’m finding it so hard especially with a toddler as well x

[georgia26]

Hi mate

Thanks for replying!

I think he uses when his mental health deteriorates or he gets stressed, he’s never been a daily user. But he’ll go off on 5 day binges every month, sometimes more when things are tough.

When I met him he was going through a lot with his ex wife and fighting to see his children – he also had adhd and I think maybe other mental health problems: he’s so so good for a while then it all goes down the pan. He had addiction counselling for a couple of years which did help him then gave it up.

So I know when he’s going to relapse before he does – his behaviour changes he goes distant I can sense his mental health gets worse, he starts lying it’s hard to explain but I know the patterns now.

He said to me when things get hard he gets it in his head and he wants to use, he’s been almost sectioned in the past when he’s been on a come down, horrendous honestly. After the 6 day binge last week he came back and he had drug induced psychosis, he’s still being paranoid now… asking to look at my phone constantly saying I’ve met someone else it’s so draining.

His problem is that he can’t stay away from the people who walk him into this. I just feel like this will be my life forever unless I walk away now, which is really hard because I do love him.

He’s saying to me he’s going to have addiction counselling again but he said that I’m controlling, I don’t let him be himself – he seems to be really horrible for weeks after he binges, is this normal?

Drugs are just evil aren’t they…

But yeah you’re right in saying he’s masking a problem I think he uses to escape his mental health, but it’s temporary and actually it makes it 100x worse and I’m on the receiving end trying to pick up the pieces x

[georgia26]

Thanks for replying to me that’s really kind. I am 29 now, this has been a problem since we got together, then clean for 18 months now since November it’s on and off again.

You know absolutely everything you’ve explained how you felt and what you used to do was me and is me now, I’m a nervous wreck, I dread weddings, any social event as I know all his friends are Coke heads.. he is 37. I really thought he was over it but I’ve watched him deteriorate mentally and I knew this was coming, I’ve always known.. it’s like I have ptsd too, clock watching, worrying, analysing him, testing him for drugs, checking his car … all the while I am meant to be enjoying life, enjoying our child. I’m not me anymore I hate the person I have become because of this, he says I’m on his case and I don’t stop being negative about him but all he does is think about himself, he rarely spends any time with us, he is the victim.

I kicked him out last week after not coming home again, he’s not back and I’m so upset and do not know what to do. Deep down I know he will never ever change but it’s so sad as he’s perfect apart from his addictions. I just hope I’m strong enough to move on and go and get what I deserve.

I’m glad your husband is clean… but like you say, you still have anxiety and it’s in your subconscious mind isn’t it. I cannot stand it, I wish I could just enjoy myself at events and not dread any sort of fun because I’m worrying about him relapsing.

He lies so much… I’ve never realised how much until now. He says he can’t believe how selfish he is etc etc but it’s nothing I’ve not heard before. I’m bored of it to be honest.

Sending you so much love. I would not wish this on my worst enemy either and do you know what – I don’t even tell anyone about it because they don’t understand, so I’m glad I’m back on here too, as you all understand xxx

[georgia26]

Oh shit – no way.

you can get back to what you were doing before, but get help asap – get watching your youtube videos and that again.. glad youre back together now, hopefully her being around again will help a bit more now.

Yes still with him, he hasnt used coke for ages now.. weve had the odd binge drink issues but hes still getting his therapy every Thurs, which helps him. Thing with him is he has bad anxiety and whenever he gets up tight he feels the need to drink to calm down.

You will be ok though, you can do it, get back on here helping people and getting advice.. xxx

[georgia26]

Dan!

how are you? i literally haven’t been able to login for months! How are you? whats been going on, are you still doing well? x

[georgia26]

you need to go to the doctors as believe me itll end 1 way for you, go seek help and beg for help, youll only quit when you really want to though and it takes a lot… go to the doctors

[georgia26]

Hi Aabb

you need to contact someone about this, the police, doctors – you need to leave him. Him threatening to kill you, is horrendous – call the police and ask for help, they will put you in a refuge, if you’re married you can get help with legals as well.

he wont change, he wont kill himself, he is manipulating you.

contact the police on 111 and ask for help…

x

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