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oh my god, thats so heartbreaking, drugs just makes people emotionless.. it literally draws the person in and changes them… its so sad :'( sending you lots of love xx
love these groups you know – they help me a lot. As no one I know understands at all, so i dont bother trying to explain it as i am seen to be the possessive girlfriend who is obsessed with my bfs drinking/drug taking!
I will be completely honest with you, I noticed my boyfriends problem about a year ago. It took him a whole year of me nagging, crying and begging for him to get help until he finally realised he had a problem.
Unless he REALLY wants to stop, then he wont, it cant be done half hearted. My bf went to the doctors they sent him to support groups etc.
I really feel so bad for you, you are young though and starting your adult life, I personally wouldnt get dragged down by this. Addiction is an incurable disease and it can only be managed and i find that hard to accept, I too don’t want to be 10 years down the line arguing about drugs/drink.
Isnt it just the worst feeling, I am so anxious all the time.. I am 26 and I want a family now and to get married but I am constantly in fear of my bf relapsing, hes going counselling which seems to be helping.
how often does he do it? does he fully admit his problem? and girl – i am the same! his Mum doesn’t take it seriously and says its an anxiety release, yes, it is. But its an addiction and even he admits it! so frustrating.
Anytime he drinks, he does coke. Literally drinking is a huge avoid if youre struggling with a coke habit. He cant do either.
He is going counselling at the moment, been almost 2 weeks since the last relapse and he tends to do it 2/3 weeks ish whenever he has an anxiety meltdown.
He downloaded that app, but doesnt know how to use it, was looking through it yesterday actually it does look good.
I know I do need a night out, but I get worried about leaving him in case he slips up. He is away working up north tomorrow for 1 night and I just worry so much. Wish I could just accept the fact I dont have control of the matter… he does want to stop completely though and hes doing everything he can to stop but I wont hold my breath as i have before and been let down time and time again.
It is so hard, doesnt help that his ex (that he has kids with) doesnt leave him alone and is set on making his life hell. Causes him such stress which makes me nervous about him relapsing !! ah the joys..
Congratulations though on the 4 week mark, thats so good. I bet your girlfriend is well happy x
B8988 – he wont be bothered, as drugs completely changes people, it makes them so selfish, its absolutely heartbreaking as its like the person has gone – I feel so so sorry for you. Sending lots of love. xxx
congratulations Dan… thats amazing, literally <3 really happy for you. Someone recommended my BF takes a supplement called GABA, he said its great.. only £10.
might be worth a go.
You are right - AVOID alcohol x
Your hormones are probably all over the show so this is the last thing you need right now. If he really wanted to though he would want you to be involved and he would be telling you in detail what he is doing to get help. He needs to go to the doctors himself and get counselling and help to try and recover.
In regards to what you say about yourself to the doctors I am not sure how they deal with this – I guess they get it all the time new mums getting PND etc so dont be worried about telling them how youre feeling, they may get you help.
Might be worth going to see what they can do for you, i wouldnt tell them about your partners issues, as its for him to sort not you.
Just remember you arent to blame here and nothing you say will make him get help he needs to want it.
Good luck, be strong. xxxxx
firstly, you need to put your child first and if hes going to be on it while taking care of your child that needs to stop. If he has a heavy coke habit, its not curable over night and it takes a huge amount of dedication and he needs to want to stop.
addiction is so hard to understand when you’re not an addict yourself, coke morphs the brain and makes people so selfish and inconsiderate – I have threatened to leave mine, time and time again, the urge and addiction is just too much and it comes first.
He will lie and say he has stopped, theyre the best manipulators, have a read through some of these forums. If he doesnt want to go doctors and seek help go to rehab etc then it wont work, he will continue.
I feel for you as there is a baby involved, but you need to be strong and do whats best for you.
No problem, this forum helped me too a lot, as no matter how much I explained my bfs addiction to people they didnt understand, they get all judgemental too and to be fair i dont blame them as i was too before I had to deal with it first hand.
My boyfriend is slightly different – he went through a bad divorce, couldnt see his kids, got rinsed and his anxiety and mental health was suffering, so he started drinking self medicating with alcohol and tried cocaine – when i met him he was drinking 4 ish times a week and i noticed a potential habit – long story short hes noticed he has an issue now with drink/cocaine well substances that will ease his anxiety – hes stopped doing it but seems to relapse every 3 ish weeks which makes his anxiety and mental health awful, suicidal even, but he is getting help and wants to change, hes paying for addiction/anxiety counselling etc but it is all very draining I completely understand.
I am terrified to start my life with him, i want children/to get married – but my life is on hold until this issue is sorted.
I feel for you, so much. It must be so hard to let someone go that you love. Its like it would be easier if they were dead almost as they are here and alive but their old lovely amazing selves are dead and gone, its heartbreaking.
Its shocking what cocaine can do – please contact http://www.icarustrust.co.uk/ they will help you…
xx sending love to you, you will be happy again xx
You will eventually be at peace with it and move on, he is manipulating you I think – he wont change until he is ready to. Coke makes people evil, you could spend the rest of your life worrying, once trust is gone, its gone.
Go out, date, have fun, someone else will walk into your life and sweep you off of your feet.
There is no point trying to help someone, who doesnt want to be helped. xx
Hi Bluebell,
Bless you, how awful.. he seems to be in deep then, to rack up 40,000 worth of debt and on a 70k salary, he must have a serious addiction.
I personally dont think you can be friends after loving someone, as the hurt will be prolonged, and youll end up back together and the issues will go on, youll be back to square one. You need to be together, work through it or split up completely.
he will be lying to you, addiction is SO manipulative they are amazing liars – addicts do not just ‘recover’ not if he was in deep like that, he will still be doing it and will be saying anything to get you to let him back in.
Coke changes people, the way the mind works, everything it makes you so so selfish so yes, it will be the coke but he will be aware of what hes doing – if he wanted to change and seek help, he would.
I dont think the weed has caused this, i mean it can cause mental health problems – but if his addictive tendencies are there already then he would’ve done coke and got hooked on that. He probs has an addictive personality.
I know they arent the answers you want to hear, if he really wants to change and admits hes got a problem and wants help then i would say try stick by him but if he doesnt, and he is still lying etc I personally would leave, you have children etc and if hes been doing it that long its going to be a long hard road and you dont want your kids to go through that.
how is he managing to pay the minimum payment on that sort of salary? is it through the CSA?
It is an incurable disease and takes dedication to get into recovery – if he isnt willing then move on, dont spend your life being treated badly.. for your kids sake too.
You can be happy again and do know, none of this is your fault. xxx
feeding his habit and allowing a weekly ‘Treat’ is not the way forward as youre feeding the addiction, which is ruining him financially. It will continue to spiral out of control and it will be daily soon.
Please contact help@icarustrust.org – they will help you with advice and professionalism
Good Luck..
I see, did the girl contact you to tell you? if i am honest, I think hes putting feelers out there like you say. Its completely unacceptable. I cant stand it when they make out its us, it so selfish it makes you just want to give up doesn’t it.
Oh bless you, what an awful feeling that must be – if he went off with someone who accepted that then I think that would be time to let go, he would learn in the long run as his life would be ruined entirely, he’d lose everything..
If he cheats, he would know what he was doing, he would know it was wrong… it doesnt make you out of control in that sense. Yes it makes you horny on it, ive heard but tbh you cant get a hard on usually on it so I wouldnt worry.
I am going to a support group on a monday evening you should see locally what they offer and see if this helps you understand etc.
xxx
Addiction is so confusing and hard to understand when youre not an addict yourself.. it is the norm though as coke deffo comes first, no matter what ive said in the past to my boyfriend the coke comes before, he doesnt act like him, he acts so selfish. I think itll take something drastic for him to realise he has a problem – he needs to get help ASAP, first step is the doctors.. xx
I know so true, drugs makes them SO selfish – like no matter what I say to my BF when hes taken drugs or drank, he doesnt care, and that feeling is awful isnt it.
I think hes making excuses in regards to that, cocaine doesnt make you say things like that.
Is he getting any help or anything for it? what is he doing to try and stop?