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Hi Mark
you also need to work on the root to this, get some therapy, go to see a doctor – honestly it will help you, as you could be self medicating so get to the root cause of the issue, delete anyone invovled, your dealer/social media. Stop the drinking as its a huge trigger..
you are the worst kind of person…………………!!!!!!!!!!! do one
Hox im sorry to hear how youre feeling still, i took anti depressants once and they made me feel even worse, i was like a zombie, unable to function – it makes me sad how we are all suffering, i mean i feel bad for the addicts as i know they cant help it but for the person on the other side, who loses their hsbands/wives to cocaine, its absolutely devastating, as it is like they are there physically but their personality is gone, which is hard to accept.
my partner has not touched it now since march i think, he was selling it to pay off some debt after his ex wife took everything and he was left paying court fees fighting to see his kids… (hes a good dad) she is a bipolar nightmare.
sometimes i wonder why i bother to be honest, i dont even have kids of my own, yet i deal with the backlash of his ex wife and the trauma shes caused him so he started self medicating.
but, i will be positive (not naive though) …. hes on the right road and he quit all that bullsh*t, when he drinks though i still get a sense of panic, as i know it completely brings your guard down.
i hate the stuff, with a deep passion, i have eliminated anyone involved with that, i do not have any time for it, not even people doing it socially, its a complete LIFE RUINER and i worry for the younger 18-25 year olds that are testing it all out.
i wish they knew what it did, because when it grabs hold it ruins everything in its path.
Danman, how are you??? are you still on the right road xxx
Thats great news Chellou – good luck.
my only bit of advice would be to expect the worse, dont live in a dream world where youre thinking thats it, clean road ahead – as there will be relapses.
i also think the friend as a dealer is bad news but only you can make judgement on that.
goodluck to you and your husband i really do wish you all the best
xxxx
Slc1993 – sorry to hear about you losing your baby, and as for your boyfriend being with his ex, you need to get rid, now you have no ties get rid of him, he wont change honestly. run a mile!
look after yourself and your own mental health xxxxxxxx
i can feel it now – even when i think about it, it makes me feel sick? yes i had this before in counselling they said it was ‘fight of flight mode’ .. i get it now too, he said about his work Xmas party the other day staying overnight somewhere, usually i would be fine but i know one of his work colleagues sniffs coke so it made me feel anxious.
I get worried he will do it and we will be back to square one, i think he feels like im being controlling but im not, its just my own anxieties. I need to relax a bit – but it seems like when i relax and feel good it comes crashing down on me so im scared to let the barriers down.
I hope youre well though? im glad it wasn’t a relapse.. i really hope things start going well for you – you deserve it!!
its SO hard… i am getting better though – my mind was obsessive with it, it was making me ill, i wont allow that again though, this is the last chance though.
Vanilla – my advice would be to take time out and step out of the situation because honestly unless he wants to stop he wont and you’ll be left picking up the pieces.
Hi Vanilla
i wish i had more positive suggestions for you – unless he sees this as a problem and admits he has an addiction, there is literally nothing you can do. It takes them to hit rock bottom to admit they need help.
I think youve tried everything by the sounds of it.
you really cant control his addiction -i thought i could and honestly youll just make yourself ill and sick with worry.
I know its hard but I really think if he isnt willing to seek help and is still blinded by his addiction you should just leave, especially if its making you ill!
I feel for you, as i know the feeling, my other half used to go missing as soon as he got the chance.. the feeling it leaves you with is horrible isn’t it, the anxiety i built up over time used to make me feel physically sick.. if he didnt answer his phone i used to go into panic mode, its no way to live…
honestly, take some time out and do you for a while – if he wants to change and shows signs of commitment to change then maybe reconsider but all the time hes doing this and hes not getting help i would leave, do you have ties? mortgage? kids? its like you lose the person you love isnt it… i HATE the stuff and what it does to people x
i will be completely honest, the time to give up is now! youre wasting your time.. him saying he doesnt need help says it all, youre wasting these years with someone who isnt willing to do anything to improve your relationship.. he wont change unless he wants to, this will continue and itll just get worse.. addicitons spiral out of control unless its managed and even then they relapse, you dont even live together? move on with your life honestly – or he will ruin yours x
Slc1993:
I was just naive at one point, my other half was on and off of it for a year, i was put through hell.. my mums OH is just an example of a long term user coming off of it straight away, it wont make him seriously ill like cold turkey or nothing!
its the hardest thing ever, it made me mentally unwell i think, obsessing over it, over thinking, crying, begging – it was hell, i was blaming myself as well, ugh even looking back on it is horrible..
I think you have to just walk away from someone who dont want to be helped, as there isnt anything you can do, if they want to use, they will, nothing you say/do will stop them and i mean nothing at all.
my BF is having addiction counselling at the mo – he was self medicating his anxiety, its a long story but i have had the same issues youre having, the difference being my partner hit rock bottom and finally got help and is doing all he can to avoid drugs.
considering your BF is on it daily and not sleeping with you etc – do you really want to be in that? i know you love him but sometimes love just isnt enough. He wont change if he doesnt want to – it isnt as easy as just quitting either.. its a disease after all and you need to think this will be your life and youre so young you dont have no real ties to him, its horrible but if he dont want to be helped i really would walk… you dont deserve that as itll ruin your life too xxx
this is great news – i think thats the way forward, accepting if it happens, it happens, nothing we can do will stop them.
I wish you and your husband well.. and i hope you are ok and you get the health issues all sorted!
take care my love !! i hope you live a happy stress free life :):) good luck to your husband too xx
Hi All
just checking in to see how you’re all doing <3
welcome Rev.. and well done for getting/seeking help, you got to start somewhere.
were always here for a chat if needed, Dan on here is also recovering and gives brilliant advice!
Hi Slc1993
His body wont physically be dependent on it? my mums other half was on it everyday for 12 years and hes in recovery at the moment – if your boyfriend stopped tomorrow, he would feel shit and would crave it but it wouldnt kill him, it isnt like heroin your body doesnt come dependent, he will be physically addicted though and his nose will probably be decaying from the coke.
I will be honest there is nothing you personally can do to help – he needs to want to help himself, if he doesnt then this will continue..
he needs to go to the doctors and seek proper help, they may offer rehab if they see hes serious enough – if hes half arsed about it and does want to stop but dont want to go and seek help then he wont stop.
there will be no positive outcome in this if he continues this, your life will be ruined by this, if thats your DOB 1993 youre 1 year younger than me so basically the same age, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you.
The life youre living at the moment is no life it will start affecting you mentally.
he will give you all the promises in the world but nothing will change if he isnt 100% wanting to stop and make a change.
it will take him to hit rock bottom before he does.
my honest advice to you would be if he doesnt want to stop (and he will say he wants to but i mean 100% show commitment in stopping) then i would walk away from him as this will be your whole life… it tears everything in its path apart, kids, marriages, families, jobs, relationships
he will wake up and the excuses will come, he will tell you hes body is dependant on it – dont be fooled by that as its not true if he stopped tomorrow and never did it again he would be ok, just mentally unwell probably.
Good luck to you.. x
i dont think coke makes you so off of your face you cheat… it makes you a selfish arse thats for sure but if you really loved someone and was happy i dont think you could cheat, youre still aware of your actions..
Rani you need to get rid honestly, he will never change! he clearly dont want help at all – you cant make someone do something, especially when theyre an addict youre wasting your time.. x
Hox is right….. sadly you cannot help him, his drug and alcohol use comes first, which is hard to accept but its the truth, that comes first before anything – youll get all the sorrys in the world but youll always be let down by it, believe me – get rid before you get seriously ill yourself by the stress x
hi rani,
yes and the answer to your question is leave him, he wont change..
he will promise you he will but if its got to the stage where he is in denial and abusive – walk or youll continue this awful cycle.
go get mentally well and sort yourself out, honestly that man you married is gone – drugs take away all of the good things about a person and hes obviously in so deep.
walk away, let him get on with it, dont let this ruin your life too you deserve better than this
he will promise you time and time again and drugs will come first no matter what, when they are blinded by their addiction its a complete waste of your time as you will be left to pick up the pieces xxx