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to take it twice in 6 months and having it around you all the time is pretty good going really so i am hoping he isnt that in deep – but i feel like i am not getting my hopes up.. as when i do it all comes crashing down on me, x
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It absolutely does have an affect on your mental state – people commit suicide like Dan said, my other half when he does it, has attempted to take his own life.. it is absolutely horrendous stuff.
It completely changes people – they dont care whats on the line, the coke comes before kids, marriages ANYTHING.
its hard to accept but when it grabs hold of you like it has your husband, the person may as well be dead really as they arent the same anymore. It sounds harsh but it would be easier for someone to die i think because they are gone and not there physically.
take a step back and look after yourself, honestly, there is absolutely nothing you can do. You must not ask yourself if youve done enough, youve done plenty considering the way hes been acting.
Were all in a similar situation – when they are on coke they are so awful, it takes away their emotional part, its so horrendous.
unless he wants to stop and give up and REALLY wants to get help, go into rehab etc, it will only get worse and youll get dragged down with him.
If he isnt wanting it and doing nothing, honestly, walk away.. that comes before anything, believe me – nothing you say or do will stop him, the pull is too much.
honestly i have done this ive threatened to leave. ive even left and packed my stuff, nothing at all makes them stop while they are mid addiction.
reading your posts, he doesnt want to stop, deep down he doesnt. Him saying you can help me etc its all just avoid tactics, honestly, been there..
he will need to hit ROCK BOTTOM honestly, as bad as it sounds, this will go on and on until something serious happens and he might wake up he might not, my other half did.. he was suicidal, went missing for days and got found passed out somewhere.. that was turning point for him, even then they relapse
there is no magical cure – they can only help themselves. Thankfully no kids are involved, DO NOT give him money honestly.
i would suggest going onto google and reading through addiction info , they give good advice on how to deal with loving an addict..
its so sad but honestly, the best thing you can do is be realistic and prepare yourself as it wont get better if he dont get help.
you will make yourself ill – i did, i was blaming myself, going over and over things in my head, wondering where it all went wrong.
you need to take care of yourself xxxxxxxxxxxx take some time out, go for walks, go to the gym, remove yourself from this exhausting situation – we all know how you feel so do come on and chat if you need to xxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi John
You really really need to seek help, it may only seem like a minor thing now but it never ends well. Drinking 5 days a week is a lot, and if you cant go without it i do think you may have an alcohol problem.
You need to speak to your doctor as it really will get worse..
get help asap honestly – drink is evil when it gets hold of youx
Im not sure the above is true really, it sounds like youve got an alcohol problem, after all, if you cant say no then its an addiction.
It starts like this and destroys relationships and anything in its path, it starts with “binge drinking”. You really need to go down to the doctor and get support before it truly gets out of control.
What are your drinking habits, how often? how did it start? do you suffer with any mental health problems?
You can love your partner to death (believe me) and still self destruct through addiction. You can have the best life and still suffer with addiction.
if you can expand on your issues a bit, itll be easier to give some advice. My other half was like you and it just got completely out of control – it started with self medicating his anxiety with alcohol, the next thing was binge drinking.
Addiction is so hard to understand.. your brain plays tricks, you may not want to, but you will..
i would also suggest reading through some of these threads, as they are really helpful.
do you use cocaine as well or just drink?
Hi all,
Z123, don’t take that personally honestly the stuff changes people. He will be saying things and feeding himself things for excuses to go do cocaine. My bf has admitted in the past he used to start rows to go sniff coke when he relapsed last time, he was being so insensitive I said I was leaving I even packed my stuff and all he could say is ‘I would rather you didn’t’ the next day when he was crying etc he said that wasn’t him speaking the stuff made him like that, his brain was telling him he was fine and I WAS THE PROBLEM, mad isn’t it?
DNAnon, I’m truly so happy that your son is on the right track..i really wish you and your family all the best.
Im supporting my boyfriend and I just hope he stays on track again, but this time I’m not going to be naive, im prepared for another relapse. I know the signs to look out for now, cos the emotionally relapse comes first and for weeks my bf was different and it was because his brain was going into lapse mode before he even knew.
I’ve read up on it all to try and understand and I’m so shocked really the amount of people suffering from this, it’s so sad. I wish I could help everyone.
Hope you’re all having a nice weekend x
Hey..
I am glad hes gone into rehab and finally accepted he needs help. Since my last piece of advice – my partner relapsed 3 times. I was absolutely devastated.
hes made some changes now, we will see.
I get what you mean, the anxiety changes you as a person but honestly it will subside, the best thing you can do is not live in a dream world like i did – thinking its all gonna be ok and it isnt gonna happen again, you need to accept and prepare yourself for relapses, as its going to happen.
do things you enjoy, go to the gym – get out and have YOU time, its so important.. honestly, youll make yourself ill.
I wish i could give you some better advice really, but i dont really get it myself – its just the worst thing ever to go through.
get out socialising and keep yourself busy
sending lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxx
ive been with mine for 2 years now, i was ready to as well – and obvs i worry i dont want to be an old mum really but i would rather be absolutely sure and kids wont change their addiction either – my friend an older lady shes like 50 (i know her through my hobby) her husband was a coke addict and she thought having a kid would change it, but it didnt.. hes now dead from it – sorry to be negative!! but it made me think jesus christ, really is this going to be my life.. I was so happy before all this.
my friends are the same, they dont understand – they come over and think i am being controlling if i dont let him sniff gear, they dont get addiction either. So naturally i have distanced myself from that too.
I dont even drink no more to support him, because thats a HUGE trigger for coke addicts – if he wants to quit he needs to make these changes, also social media stuff like that, you gotta get rid of it.
its good speaking to someone going through something so similar – thats so bad he locked you out, wtf.. mental – how is he the next day? does he get mentally unstable? xx
oh gosh, literally my bf was all of those things – they start relapsing even without realising apparently.. like they become depressed and anxious etc. I noticed all this in my BF and i just thought work was stressing him out a bit.
do you have any kids with him? how old are you? how long have you been together? i am 26, and i feel like i wanted to start a family and now i am like back to square 1.
Im so worried about my future, i cant live like this.
and its more common than you think by the way, i just think people dont speak about it as theyre ashamed.
the stuff changes people, massively, when my bf takes coke he is literally heartless – without coke in his system, nicest most caring person ever.
i know, you convince yourself things will change when in fact, rarely they do.. xxx
No I emailed the care team on here this week – to ask if there are meetings near me, like this week for me has been breaking point, i truly was so fixated on the fact he was ok now and stupidly thought he’d miraculously recovered from his addiction. I shouldve of been so naive.
For me, this really is the last time – and he knows it too. I cant physically ruin my own mental health, I havent ‘put it on the line’ as even when you threaten, honestly, when they go into relapse stage it doesnt matter what you say, it wont stop them.
take a look at this link
https://www.verywellmind.com/warning-signs-of-an-alcohol-or-drug-relapse-67895
it will help you spot signs of a relapse – literally my BF was showing all them signs, the day he relapsed he was trying to convince me i was the problem and i was obsessed with it because of my childhood truma – so selfish.. but i know its not him talking, even the next day he was saying ” i am so sorry, that was my brain playing tricks on me” I wish i could relate but i just dont get it, i have the most nonaddictive personality ever.
Hi Dan, I am good, he came round from his bender – once i left that evening he was up all night. His come down, as per, was absolutely horrendous and i was worried he would commit suicide if im honest. I was at work the next day and he was begging me for help. He has now made a huge change and sacrifice for me – whats your email address or number? i just dont think i can explain fully on here – in case he sees this?
anyway – long story short, I feel like i need to get him back on track, i cant leave him not now at his most vulnerable. He went and saw his counsellor the next day.
why do i do this? i feel like such a push over.. when you absolutely love someone like i love him its so hard – its like its 2 people, the true him is amazing – everything apart from this is great.
you ok anyway Dan? you on the right path at the mo?
holiday soon!! xx
Hi Joemily
my boyfriend relapsed 3 times in 3 weeks recently, after me saying how proud i was and he was clean from it for 6 months.. things are now back to where they were.
I just dont even know what to tell you, as me saying walk would be hypercritical – as i know how hard it is.
I left and went back home to my Mums the last time (tuesday) as he was on it, and there was absolutely no sense coming from him, it makes them completely disregard anything they have no feelings for anything but that shit when they are on it.
Ive spoken to many people, that have had husbands/Bfs with addictions, its not once been a happy ending – he’ll continue and this will be our lives for the foreseeable , so, you either accept it and try support him and prepare yourself for relapses or leave.
he wont change anytime soon – ive learnt that addictions come before anything, love/kids etc and trying to change someone, it wont ever work.
its devastating isn’t it – I dont know what to do anymore.. i was so happy and proud of him for 6 months you know, hes never been a full drug taker, he only ever did it like once a month but still, its still an addiction.
in the end, youre going to be living in feel like i do – you will feel like you cant go out after work, you will wonder if today will be relapse day, honestly i know the exact thing youre going through right now.
yeah so, my advice – having gone through this for 2 years would be, either accept that hes going to relapse and support him (as it will be a vicious cycle) unless a miracle happens OR walk.. as its a long rocky road ahead.
I wish you all the best, this group has kept me partially sane, some really nice people and good advice on here. I am glad i am not alone xxxx
x
thanks everyone.
his mum is going over there tonight, as hes a total state.
I am going to take some time for me and reflect on everything.
thanks so much for your support everyone.
and dan, i know, this is what worries me – his whole mindset has changed.
xx