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what do you do when yours relapses? do you get angry?
It is bloody so hard, especially when hes not done anything in 6 months.
I dont know really, he saw someone he knew outside a pub or somehting driving past (whether thats true or not i dont know) and he said he offered him it and because of all the stress this week he relapsed.
Its so hard, we dont have kids or anything i mean we live together – so its still hard but not completely stuck, when you love someone though its hard to walk away isnt it.
Oh gosh, his mental health is awful today – he literally feels horrendous about doing it, ashamed etc – hes got counselling tonight luckily.
I just think will my life be a constant cycle of this, when things get tough, will he turn to this?
weve had a bad week, because his ex wife has been causing problems again- using his kid as a weapon all the time it causes him nothing but problems, i feel bad for him shes mentally broke him down.
hows your other half?
xx
my boyfriend relapsed after 6 months last night.
its so hard, I really thought this time he had it, that it had magically gone away – i was even going out after work without fear of him going off on a bender.
i feel like I love him so much but can i handle this for the rest of my life? its so much risk – i feel so stressed about it, i hope youre ok x
god, my trust was just coming back as well.. now i feel anxious again
my bf relapsed last night, after 6 months.. i am so upset, he was doing so well, his ex wife is causing us sh*t again and caused him to get anxiety and go off track, he has a kid with her, who she uses as a weapon all the time. His mental health is so bad today, it completely messes his brain up.
listen Dan honestly, youve been doing good – you arent doing it every night youve been on track, you sound like an amazing Dad and you should be so proud of yourself. She is obviously proud of you and mums judgements are usually right.
its weird you say that, my boyfriend dont wanna tell his mum either.
my boyfriend has a kid with someone else and shes basically making our lives living hell at the moment, shes got bad mental health problems and is forever using the kid as a weapon, this is why he started self medicating anyway cos she ruined his mental health. I worry what will happen to our relationship to be honest.
I am ready for a future with him but shes ruining it shes so insane, shes determined to split us up, shes threatening him saying shes gonna make the kids come and live with him, cos she knows we dont have the set up and life for them to be with us full time, shes a witch.
hes 8 years older than me btw, i just feel like my whole life i have had shit and when something is good or i feel like i am happy something comes ruins it. on top of his ex i have to deal with his relapses, its so hard, i am only young as well im finding it all hard to cope with. god, what do i do.. when you relapse how would you want your GF to act and help you?
i know getting angry dont help. I just find this shit so draining.
thankfully he has his counselling tonight.
my OH was crying broken before he really stopped and woke up, he went missing for 2 days and was found by paramedics on a bench suicidal – rock bottom for him that was and i truly think it takes something like that to wake people up from their addiction. Does your boyfriend suffer with depression/anxiety at all? usually its all linked.
Honestly, you cant help or do anything, he must want to do it, until he wants to he absolutely wont change.
I was in your position as well – its the worst thing ever isnt it, being angry, distance, nice – none of it works, the cocaine will come first, the thing is you need to do is not blame yourself and dont think youre not good enough because its not that at all.
Until he is serious about quitting, even him saying “hes open” to getting help, personally seems like he isnt 100% in it. I think that this will go on for some time, until he hits rock bottom and then he will put his hands up and beg for help, because thats what needs to happen.
The counselling/CA groups etc wont work, if hes not 100% invested.
He needs to stop drinking completely, as thats a huge trigger.
I went through this for months on end with my OH – it broke me down, until i felt mentally ill myself, i blamed myself for not being good enough.
honestly just dont be naive about it, its a disease after all and sometimes incurable (which sounds scary as hell) but apparently its incurable and just “managed” ive read so much up on it.
my OH does addiction counselling now which focuses on anxiety/addiciton – it is helping.
my true advice – if youve only just met, and you have no ties and hes not willing to invest in this – honestly walk away, i wish i had. This will go on and on and it spirals out of control, you end up losing everything (and actually the person changes completely) as thats number 1, before kids, work, YOU.
Seriously, it sounds negative – but read some threads on here – people not willing to stop and sort of want to, dont, it gets out of control and they get into debt and marriages break down.
youve absolutely come to the right place though – as we can all support you.
be strong – put yourself first <3 read up online, watch some YouTube stuff. Dont let his addiction consume your life though , because it will..
xxx Good luck
Them dreams are strange arent they? i get them about cheating on my bf – i am gutted in my dream wake up panicking – so weird??
You should keep telling yourself that, you arent that bad this is barely happening now which is a huge achievement.
oh wow not long now, get down the gym, feel good, get your head clear and keep up the good work!! you will get there.. atleast youre trying to stop, literally so many of my boyfriends mates do coke, all of them! glad he avoids them now tbh
Gosh i feel so sad for you – 15 years is a long time so i understand why youre sticking by him.
My partners Mum was the same, she said he wasn’t addicted, that he was just medicating his anxiety, yes I agree with her BUT he was self medicating and then he got addicted. Its so hard when families are naive to the fact.
my boyfriend has not relapsed in 6 months now, before that, he was relapsing every 2/3 weeks.. he has counselling every Wednesday for an hour, it is addiction counselling though – see this link, the man is amazing, but its not a quick fix btw, you have to be invested:
he absolutely will want to quit, but addiction is a disease and it doesnt matter what is on the line, kids, jobs, marriages etc it still wont stop them if they dont invest into stopping. Some people loose everything and still continue.
the stuff is poison – it changes people.
i would suggest just working on yourself and your kids, as it will make you ill. If youve tried to support him walk away and let him get on with it, its hard, but he will need to hit rock bottom to see sense properly.
what you must remember is that you cant change someone, you cant make him give up.. I thought i could, throwing threats about etc but it just makes them worse.
its hard to accept as i felt unloved and stuff, its horrendous.
there is no quick fix, you must be 100% invested in stopping, I would recommend addiction counselling but you really need to want to give up as its £60 per session, weekly, but its worked for my other half.
xx
Dan, honestly mate dont beat yourself up about it, its brilliant that youve got a plan – thats so good.
Think how good youre doing, you barely do it, yes you have relapses but in comparison to some youre literally on the straight and narrow, you are almost there. Keep doing what youre doing.
Your plan sounds good – gym is my saviour when my mental state of mind is crap.
Not long now until your holiday xxxx
Hey
I was in your position, its the worst thing ever.. youre not alone and i do feel for you.
How long have you been together?
Until he admits his problems to everyone who cares about him and seeks proper support from the doctor, the cycle will continue. He will relapse, do drugs, promise he will change/have mental health problems/cry and then relapse, this happened to me for months and months. My bf was self medicating his anxiety after a horrendous divorce.
I wont go into it too much, but you really sound so naive about the situation – drinking is a trigger, its all linked. It doesnt matter how much he is doing, if hes doing 1 gram or 5 grams, hes an addict.
He will REALLY want to stop and he will be ashamed, but the urge and the addiction will be too much. It took me months and months to understand and thank god i found this group as it helped me so much.
Sounds bad, but he will need to hit rock bottom, something needs to happen to make him realise, him hiding it from you and his family isnt good..
I wish i had some positive advice for you, but until he admits his addiction to you this will continue.. he needs to really really want it, addiction is a disease and its so hard for someone to understand that isnt an addict. I used to get so frustrated and used to shout and scream at his but that will only make it worse and will give him an excuse to use.
what you must understand is that addiction cant just be cured overnight, its a hard battle and it tears relationships apart, its heartbreaking.. but ultimatums etc, he will choose the cocaine.
You need to ensure youre protecting yourself – keep yourself mentally strong and dont let this take over your life.
my partner hasnt relapsed in 6 months.. he does addiction counselling, once a week, its £60 but its brilliant – it isnt a magical cure though, the person needs to WANT to give up.. or it will not work.
he needs to go to the doctor and beg for help, but obviously if you arent even speaking about it then its a long road ahead, and what you need to this is, is this worth it? as it will just continue, and its mentally draining.. it made me ill but we have ties so i couldnt just leave. xx
You absolutely need to tell the hospital what youve done – as they may be able to do something for you.
If youre having a child and youve done cocaine whilst carrying I worry about the baby really, I am not being judgemental but i dont get what must have been going through your head… what will you be like when the child actually gets here..
Not going to say too much as i dont want to make you feel bad but in my books thats an absolute no go, addict or not, harm yourself but a child – just no, seek help URGENTLY
Dan, dont worry too much – just get back to it. Youve been doing really well, so focus on the positives.
Try not to beat yourself up about it too much, how much did you have? what happened when you did it? what was your trigger this time?
I hope youre ok – honestly, youve been doing brilliantly, youre bound to relapse, it happens, accept it and move forward. YOU WILL get there.
xxx
Hi Dan,
He is doing good – he hasn’t relapsed in 6 months almost.. how mad is that? hes therapy is really helping him, he goes every week. He even had ONE drink on his birthday on Sunday and didn’t want any more, I am really proud of him..
How are you? holiday soon isnt it? i need another one already.. xx