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Dan is right, alcohol is a huge no if youre a cocaine addict – and an addcit dont have to mean you do it everyday, if you do it once a week youre addicted, I think you need to go get support from your doctor and your loved ones need to support you.
its hard to get away from it, but it doesnt end well. it all goes 1 way, read through some posts on here – there is lots of amazing advice, i would recommend addiction counselling its about 60 per session, once a week and believe me if youre dedicated it works, its all about reprogramming your brain.
you need to avoid alcohol, pubs, friends that do it – its hard but if you want to give up and stop you need to or this will repeat itself.
good luck and seek help before it gets even worse, xx
Ah Dan, Helloooo
Yes it was really good – he didnt drink a drip, madness, I think the addiction counselling is actually working.. no coke relapse either, since Jan…
its hard to believe as well, like i can feel my anxieties starting to chill now.
How are you? how is everything going? your holiday soon isnt it? i ate way too much need to get my arse back in the gym 🙂 i drank a bit on holiday and he wasnt bothered
nice to see you pop up on here, youre so supportive of everyone its lovely x
bless your heart.. thats so sad.
you cant blame yourself for whats happened and for leaving, you cant live like that.
there is literally nothing else you can do or could have done, being the person who loves an alcoholic is so hard because its like the person has died but their shell is still here.. its horrendous
i think its about time you started living and loving yourself, you need to let go.. he wont change, this will continue and yes its hard to think he will eventually kill himself by drinking but he will do that anyway – with you present, you will have no influence on this and you cannot change it.
i think you need to start living your life and moving on, you deserve so much more.
I wish you all the best in life, take care and get some counselling, it helped me a lot..
xxxx
Hi Gabdi
When youre addicted to cocaine, you cant just ‘stop’ – its hard really to explain it, it might be worth reading through some threads so you understand addiction a bit more.
Cocaine can completely change people, it can make people paranoid and nasty, it sounds like he is hiding an addiction, also, you say he has 1 drink a day – it also sounds like there is a potential drinking problem there as well.
if youre doing something regulary and you cant go without it, youre addicted. You can buy drug tests on Amazon, i would suggest you test him then if hes not telling the truth.
when someone has an addiction whether it be alcohol or drugs, it comes first, before your wife/husband/kids/work, its a disease and sometimes incurable. People really have to hit rock bottom before they give up.
I wont go into my experience but I have been there with my partner, its hell.. but the start of recovery is actually wanting to give up and admitting it. It made my partner insane, it causes mental health problems big time. I got accused of cheating constantly, he was vile and cocaine changes people.
He sounds like hes deep in addiction and i think hes hiding it from you, the only way youll know is to start drug testing but if he doesnt want help of any kind it will continue and it will come first.
drinking and smoking weed as well, he sounds like hes got an addiction problem all round, it doesnt matter if its 1 a day or once a week, if you cant not do it, then youre addicted.
Hope youre all good Dan – i am off to the Dominican tomorrow morning.
xx
hate the stuff now, i call it the devils dandruff lol
im 26 feel like i am 80 now haha dont drink dont do nothing i am a granny – i dont even see my mates no more because they instantly want to get on it!!! no thanks them days are over for me now ive seen what that shit does.
I have 1 horse btw Dan – keeps me busy thats for sure
Youre not alone.. I think this is more common than we realise. Thank god i found this site.
Ah Dan, I do try.. its been hard but i think we are finally getting there – he really is dedicated to this though, he did have to hit rock bottom.
Some people dont want to stop but their partners want them to, thats when it doesnt work as you cant make someone do something they dont want to do, not with addiction anyway.
its a shame there isnt local meeting groups for people like us, there probably is – i would be worried to go to local ones though i would probably bump into people i know.. which would mortify my boyfriend, hes embarrassed by his addictions. His Mum was a drug addict too so it makes you think – maybe in some cases it is genetic
Me too Dan, i hope he stays off it all to be honest – i truly would have to walk away from it if he does, i wont continue. I cant consume my life to this. I will support him as much as i can but if he ends up like he was i just cant, it sent me insane.. i would be having panic attacks everytime he left the house. The feeling is horrible.
Hes given up other things that used to temped him too (if you get what i mean) i think you have to eliminate everything to do with it really, even drinking
I hope youre all doing ok though staying strong xxx
Dfh – No it absolutely makes sense, i was the same as you before. He probably wants to quit and he probably is trying but the addiction takes over and it comes before ANYONE and anything. He needs to be as invested in it as you are though or itll never work.
I get what you mean, you try so hard, get your hopes up and think wow this time is different, he really is changing then BAM relapse and it starts all over again, like clockwork – my OH used to relapse at week 3 usually.
He would call me and say ” i have made a mistake I have had some coke ” and i would kick off and he would binge even more and then he would be so sorry and want help then it would happen again and again, I got to the point i was so depressed blaming myself.
The best thing to do is not give ultimatums and shout and threaten etc it seems to do the opposite – he really does need to want to stop for it to actually happen though, also my OH used to start rows so he had an excuse to do coke.
He now goes to addiction counselling and he hasn’t relapsed since JAN (16 weeks.. ) this is the longest its been and i am proud, he said it really works as his trigger was anxiety and hes talking through his problems now and its working i really hope anyway. This is down south though so not near you but there must be addiction counsellors local.
Again – he needs to be invested in it though. He should want to quit himself, not for you, or he will continue to relapse.
The whole thing is so f*cked up, like before this i never knew what cocaine/alcohol could do to people. Its a life ruiner – i have stopped drinking as well and i support him in ways he doesnt even realise, i dont go out socially really as i dont want him to feel awkward.
I actually feel sorry for people with addictions, its sad..
I want to start a family i am mid 20s now but thats still at the back of my mind, my own anxieties are there and i worry he will relapse.. but i guess i need to learn to trust again.
Glad i can come on here and give other people advice as thats been 1 hell of a journey for me but he has come out the other end..
I wish there was a solution/a cure, there must be something out there, medication or something that stops this, but theres no time invested in addiction, not enough anyway.. its horrendous it completely changes people.
the main thing here i think is the addict needs to WANT to give up, they need to hit rock bottom – it took my OH ages to realise, he was found on a park bench (suicidal) – it clicked that day and he seeked help.
Gosh,i really feel for you what an awful situation.
She absolutely is an alcoholic – the hiding alcohol and the defensive behaviour says it all also her family history they do say it can be genetic..
You are not misreading the situation – alcoholism is a disease and usually incurable, its so heartbreaking.. they usually dont seek help until they hit rock bottom, she needs to get to the GP and get help asap.
Unless she wants help, there is literally nothing you can do. You can’t force her, until an addict wants to get help then it will continue.
The thing that complicates this is your baby, she will know she needs help but until she really wants it this will continue, it happened to me and my partner, it took months of screaming arguments and then he got found on a park bench suicidal and finally he gave in and got help.
I wish there was a straight forward answer.. I wish you all the luck with this, its so heartbreaking. We are always here for a chat if you need it x
Hi Kindredcoyote
i think youd benefit from speaking to a counsellor that specialises in this – I did and it helped me understand.
The thing is, when they tell you they want to stop and make promises they do mean it at the time, but the addiction takes over.. again and again and again.
If i am completely honest, I wouldn’t start a family with someone with a cocaine addiction as this is an awful vicious cycle that will continue to repeat itself and when kids are in the middle its awful, they will end up hurting too, like you are now.
if he doesn’t physically go and get help I would walk away as nothing will change, you’ll drive yourself insane.. you will end up ill, like many of us on here.
Cocaine comes first, its their safety blanket, threatening giving ultimatums doesn’t work – believe me i have tried.
Its hard to accept and understand but its the sad truth, once it really gets them and they dont even really want to stop you cannot do anything accept sit and watch them self destruct and get left with absolutely nothing or walk away and you will find happiness.
J Betty is right – its a disease, most of the time incurable – well they say its incurable and it can only be ‘managed’ but not sure on that really, but i do know it takes a hell of a lot to stop, and by the sounds of it your partner is in deep.
Literally if he isn’t willing to go beg his GP for help or whatever you cant do nothing – its horrible to accept but that will come first, no matter what.
Lots of people on here have made the choice to walk away, i would say read through some threads as i found them so helpful, it makes you realise how bad this really can get.
HE needs to want to stop you wanting him to will never work.
I wish you well.. you deserve happiness. xx
Well the problem is, he was self medicating his anxiety with drink at first then it moved to drugs. He said the addiction counsellor said he could have the odd drink but I am not convinced, i worry he will drink again and the endorphins will trigger and we will be back to square 1. We went to a wedding the other day and he didnt drink a drip or take drugs and all his mates were clearly sniffed off their heads..
Turkey is good i have been before, you might even get some snides haha they do the best fake designer stuff out there.
Yes i have been before but with my Ex and i didnt enjoy it because he was also constantly sniffing.. I remember he was going down to the looki looki men asking for gear…
if youre with the mrs i doubt youll do that anyway and atleast there wont be anyone out there offering it.
My bf is now about 4 months no relapses i just really hope hes got this sorted.
How are you doing now, did the coke make you feel awful after? what did your gf say when you did it? you are doing really well by the way – keep it up.
I didnt delete FB as I have a lot of horse forums on there haha I have horses, they keep me sane…
I deleted instagram though as you are right, its all fake photoshopped rubbish that makes you feel like you should look that way, it isnt reality at all.
count down to holiday now!!! bet the kids will love it.
Hi Mrslight77,
Firstly its not that you’re not enough for him, you must not blame yourself as its not you.. I felt this way once, until I realised that actually its not me, they are sick they have a disease and by the sounds of it, your husband is seriously in deep.
I think he needs to go to the doctors and needs to beg for help, he needs to go into a rehab unit or it will kill him.
you must put yourself first and realise that with addiction, it comes first, no matter what you do or say it grabs them back in – until he admits and seeks help you cannot do anything – my advice would be PUT YOURSELF FIRST..
Your well being and own mental health needs to come first – and your childs of course..
my partner was drinking and drug taking and it killed me inside as i blamed myself for a long time, it makes you feel lonely and confused doesnt it..
I wish i had an answer for you but i do know that its not your fault, its a serious disease which changes the person you once fell in love with. He wont be doing this to hurt you but sadly it tears relationships apart.
He needs rehab, its honestly the only way xx
No matter what you say or do if he wants to continue he will, drug addiction is so hard to understand – i was in your situation and until he wants to stop then there is nothing you can do. its heartbreaking, coke tears families apart, you end up insane and mentally ill yourself – if he really wanted to stop youd see active steps towards trying to get better – he needs to go to the doctors and beg for help. My bf did and hes been clean since Jan.
also i know in Dominican men offer coke which doesnt help.. its everywhere, cant get away from the vile stuff