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Hi Dan,
dont be too pissed off about deleting instagram and FB, i think it causes mental health problems anyway – its all fake, people pretending they have amazing lives when really they are feeling crap inside.
I deleted it months back, i think i was addicted to it?!! its so addictive.. so i got rid, also it causes problems i think, my bf wasnt a fan of instagram, men are vile on there ha
youve got your holiday soon – i go in 3 weeks, where are you going again? i feel a bit awkward going as my bf obvs cant drink… its all inclusive as well, i wont drink if he isnt.. i would feel bad
hope youre ok anyway, keep strong mate youre doing really good
Sadly, unless he wants to get help for his addiction there is nothing you can do. Life is way too short. You mention not wanting to ruin your family but I think by the sounds of it theyll be happier in the end, kids learn to deal with separation x
Jess, you absolutely need to walk away from this.
His addiciton seems to be out of control and there is nothing you can do to help him, if he doesnt want to help himself there is nothing you can do he honestly wont change, addiction is a disease and incurable most of the time.
You must put yourself first – he wont change. Alcohol and drug addiction completely changes the person you once fell in love with and its so hard to accept.
Life is way too short to be mentally drained by this, you deserve to live a happy life too and if his anger is out of control and hes being sexually aggressive you must walk.
I think youll end up going round in circles.
I wish you well my love – keep us posted x
Hi Bella
I was in the same position as you, a year in, thought it was recreational use but I was naive and very very wrong.
You will slowly realise that no matter what you say or do, if he doesnt admit the problem and seek professional help (and he needs to really want it) then nothing will change.
Addiction is so confusing to a non addict, i went through shouting/screaming/cryin g/threatening and it DOESNT work as cocaine is number 1.. and it sounds like I am being harsh but honestly, addiction is the most confusing thing i have ever come across.
He will lie and manipulate – i personally based on my own experience would absolutely run a mile while you can. I literally ended up mentally drained from it, you honestly cant help him HE MUST help himself… its really tough to accept, as you want to believe more than anything theyll change but if hes in denial and even his family arent aware I cant see it getting better anytime soon – his family need to know.
As for the CA meetings, they didnt help my partner – they actually seemed to make him worse – but thats just my experience
How much is he doing per day? do you have kids etc?
Youve come to the right place, i would suggest you read through some threads.. as lots of us have been in your shoes and can give honest advice xx
since he started his addiction/anxiety counselling on the 4th Jan, he hasn’t relapsed since. This has been the longest hes gone without turning to drink/drugs.
I need to work on trusting him again, but it is hard when it was a continuous thing and ive been hurt a lot from it – when he goes out where people will be drinking or taking drugs it sends me into panic mode.
Apparently his counsellor said in future he may be able to go back to social drinking but i dont agree, the thought makes me nervous – what are your thoughts? he was self medicating through drinking/drugs when he had an anxiety episode.
I dont know if it would be wise, it must be hard that he cant ever drink again – the main reason being it makes him seriously mentally ill the days after – even suicidal.. drink and drugs are just poison to the brain, i know this now.
We go on holiday in 3 weeks, so thats going to be awkward.. no drinking, its weird, i feel like i cant drink – i dont mind, i would rather not if it helps him but its frustrating.
he completely removed all connections with that type of thing, any friends etc that were influencing it they are gone.
How are you Dan? strange that youre having these dreams – i feel like you dream about what you’re fearful of sometimes, its definitely true..
I think youre going to be ok, main thing is, avoid drinking – i think it lets barriers down and you go into the ‘dont give a shit mode’.
are you still reading? do you have any recommendations? i am looking for some books to take away.
Hey
how are thing? good I hope?
G x
I see – does he use in the week?
its like the person you marry dies, its hard to accept. I dont get how the stuff makes people like that?! it confuses the hell out of me. Its scary.
My partner is SO selfish when he does it, nothing and no one comes before. Its devastating for the person having to deal with the backlash. I have been in tears breaking my heart and hes gone out and done it 2 minutes after saying sorry.
Hope youre ok anyway and things are looking a bit better.
£150 worth i think is about 2 grams i dont know? still a lot, i guess it doesnt matter how much even if its a line its an addiction – he needs to stop and seek help.
The meetings didnt work for my other half they actually made him worse i think, cos when he left the meetings he would disappear.
I will never understand really what it does to the human body but it is fucking awful!! evil stuff…
xxx
Thats good news. I bet, I know the feeling. Its hell.
This week will probably be so hard for him – keep his access to cash, like bank cards etc so he cant buy it behind your back.
The thing is, you saying that to him wont make no difference, I was naive and thought the threats would deter him from using, but the sad truth is the addiction is just too strong and no matter what is on the line whether it be wife/gf/kids/job/house that comes before – its confusing and sad to think of it that way but its the truth.
People can also ‘tick’ drugs these days, so he wont need money to get hold of it. I would buy some drug testing kits from amazon then youll know if hes been using or not.
Its all just a living nightmare isnt it? atleast youve found out now and not 10 yrs down the line like some people on this site.
Stay positive though – dont be naive, stay strong.
I wish him well, really i do, it is a disease after all – he didnt choose to be an addict but he does need to stop now before it spirals.
Have a good monday love xx
How are you Janette? whats the latest x
No worries – let us know how you get on!
what area are you in? go onto google and type in “addiction counselling” but he really needs to be dedicated. Does he want to stop? has he said this to you?
God its a living nightmare isnt it.. I cant imagine how hard it must be to keep it together with kids as well.
Once they do a bit, its like there is no going back – he completely changes its so sad.
how much is he doing, do you know?xx
Its so hard to try and tell you what to do as the truth is, nothing you do will make him stop. He has to want help. I have been through this, I have cried, threatened and actually left mine but he still continued. His mental health i think made him realise that his cocaine use needed to stop.
He goes to addiction counselling which is really helpful but £60 an hour.. he really wants it and hasnt relapsed in 7 weeks now which is the longest.
I feel for you as kids are involved – how old are you if you dont mind me asking?
my bf completely changed when he took cocaine, like a different person – he said horrible things and was emotionless – the stuff is poison its the worst.
Does he suffer with mental health issues at all? anxiety? depression? where did this all stem from? my bf started as he went through hell and back with his ex wife and he lost his kids etc. So was self medicating.
You can always come on here for advice, lots of us are the people who love the addict and there are also addicts.. so you get both sides of advice x
HI Michelle,
When did you find out he was addicted to cocaine?
Ah its such a horrendous situation to be in – cocaine completely changes the person you fell in love with, its so hurtful isnt it. He wont be doing this though to hurt you – it completely grips hold of them.
have you had a conversation with him about it?
He really needs to be the one to go to these groups – he needs to get help, this early into your relationship it should be healthy and happy.
I know the feeling its the absolute worst thing, the thing is, you leaving him so early on, day 1 of his withdrawal i think he may relapse, I would personally be there at home with him but if you feel youre needing help i am not sure what to suggest.
His mental health is going to be pretty bad at the min, so he’ll need all the support he can get. I am shocked hes not got any help from the doctors if i am honest.
let us know what happens xx
The doctors can help – he couldnt have been honest with the GP then.
Google local addiction meetings and CA meetings.
Stay strong do not give him money – he really needs other support as well though i cant see him doing this alone if hes getting ‘cold turkey’ symptoms he must be in pretty deep, let us know how it goes.
bless your heart – really feel for you. xx