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Hi LouLou, I am in similar situation, except urban, and my 14 year old was identified by his school as being involved with weed. This was about 6months ago and whilst not “permanently excluded” he had to leave mainstream for and educational support entre. We catch him with an occasional cigarette lighter, but never found anything else on him, and as yet not noticed money or any of our possessions going missing. He is doing well at the new school, andthe main we are praying he has realised that what he chooses to do now will affect the rest of his life and picks the right path. But Occasionally he leaves Facebook open and from some messages I suspect he is smoking weed and I have seen meth mentioned, I was wondering where you got your drug test from, I never thought of doing that as a measure of “good” behaviour.
Hi, just read your full post after you answered mine. I read and wept for you. Guess you can love them, but not like them much, I think writing it down does help, I’m starting a journal, even if it is just for me. Make plans, look forward, sounds like you did all you could.
G.Hi, just posted myself, with what feels like the start of your story. Right now I’d feel relieved to know my son had a medical problem and was not just criminally minded. I found this site while looking for support, and think some of the guides are quite useful. In particular the ones about changing ourselves in order to change others, like you my son goes out because the home is not as pleasant a place to be, we complained when he was on Xbox a lot, but at least we knew where he was! Your husband has to buy into it too, so the whole family help each other collectively, your son has owned the problem, but where does he get the money from to continue buying. Has he got a job. Maybe he would agree to let you hold the bulk, and only give him small amount? We still give our son ‘pocket money’, but think even that might be enabling him, our concern is that he knows others who will ‘tick’ him, and then come looking for the debt. As I say your son looks to have opened up, to you at least, if you can, as a family agree that you want to be happy, (sometimes it just feels easier to stay miserable) then seek out the family therapy, it’s not a sign of weakness, it is strength.
Hi, I posted myself, but about my son. I don’t want him to progress to having a girl-friend/wife kids who he can destroy too. You already know what you have to do, you can’t love your kids properly in the atmosphere you describe. Even if he is not using heroin your relationship has broken down. You do not say how old your children are, but a happy mum is more important to have around than an anxious scared one, and it does not sound like he comes back bearing gifts or kindness. Leaving now does not necessarily mean no contact, and as they get older they can decide whether he is a good person to know for themselves. Good luck for the future.