[grannychoc]

Hi girls…….first post from me. My eldest daughter is 34 this year and has been a heroin addict from the age of about 17. Before that it was speed. Trouble was that all the signs were the same as you’d expect from a stroppy teenager. Mood swings, sleeping late, crabby, argumentative, staying out later than curfew with an excuse every time etc etc. Little did I know. Or was it little did I want to know? Her Dad and I had divorced a couple of years before and the pain was still raw for all of us. When I finally I got my head out of the sand and realised she was in trouble like every parent I tried to fix it, talked to her endlessly and believed the lies because I wanted to. By this time she was living in a flat with her delightful (not) boyfriend. All the comments I’ve read today are so familiar. Paying off dealers, my divorce caused her to use drugs, debts (in my name at my address), late night/early morning phone calls from strangers looking for her, theft, prostitution, bailiffs, various toothless partners who were all ‘the one’, abortions, 2 beautiful grandchildren who live with me via social services and the Family Courts, probation and finally 2 months ago prison. Two years ago after being put on probation, she was clean again, beautiful again and getting to know her children (they’ve been with me for 8 years and are young enough not to know any other life.)Then despite knowing all the pitfalls, with eyes wide open, she met someone again from her old life and it was literally just weeks before I knew she’d gone again. It’s tragic. There are 2 children here (and literally thousands elsewhere) who were brought into the world by parents without a thought other than where the next fix was coming from. I used to get so mad on their behalf. I used to get mad on my behalf. I wore myself out worrying, wore myself out looking after the kidlings, tried to compensate for everything and achieved nothing other than exhaustion. My daughter just carried on living her chosen life. I have learned a few things on the way and if I dont stick to my mantra I am enabling her to affect my life, my youngest daughters life and my grandchildrens lives. Drug abuse is like a ripple in a pond. Its not just the addict who is affected but everyone who loves them too. I cannot stop my daughter living the life she chose. I am not responsible for her choices in life. The only way I can help her is to keep her children safe and well until the day they are more important to her than the drugs. I love the curly haired smiling daughter I knew up until the age of 16 but don’t recognise or trust the drug addled, argumentative, defensive, lying woman she’s become. I finally know that what is happening is not my fault, your fault or anyone elses’. I brought up two daughters exactly the same way. One has spent over half her life filling her body with one chemical or another. One hasn’t. Learning to say no and to keep on saying it is tough but everytime you change your life to compensate for them you are enabling them to carry on. I too have a lot to be thankful for but I suspect like many of you I’m the supposed rock of the family. If we go down through ill health or worry what happens then? Strength is survival. Protect yourselves. Shoulders back lovely girls. Once more into the breach…………………………… now where’s the maltesers? x

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