Why silently scream? Let it out! I hear you, and some! I hope you feel so much better for that beautiful rant, because you deserve it after what you’ve been through. Part of good rehabilitation is making amends, but don’t hold your breath. What Redfox says goes too, and I’ll apologise if you want another, because no human being should go through what you did. Having a husband who has passed, and a 32yr old daughter, both having a variety of addictions, I know it can be so easy to live their lives for them, keep their ‘secrets’, and destroy yourself at the same time. A major casualty of the affects of addiction on me was on my self-esteem. On my road to recovery from the effects of their illness I have been so mad I let it happen on my watch. I didn’t cause it – I need to ‘forgive’ myself.
Focus on caring for yourself now; and you’re free to do exactly that. You’ve gone through 9 years of hell, whilst living, and being responsible for, 2 lives – and survived! You don’t need Big Girl Pants – you’re already wearing them. Stay safe, take care x