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Hi Dan do you mind making a list of the supplement you are taking for dopamine and mood for me to purchase?
Thanks
Hi hun how have you been getting on ? X
I’m here if you want to chat – you are not alone I’m going through a similar he’s 30 days sober however I wasn’t around my boyfriend when he used (We don’t live together and did it during the week) so I’m unsure on their behaviour but you can reach out for rants x
I thought that too – but I just kind of put it down to him not wanting to hear me upset and maybe him blocking out that everything’s ok. As I come across really positive in texts. To be honest I wouldn’t get upset now I’m passed that stage and understand this is the new him and that he needs time and space. I don’t think he’s using no as hell randomly text me and say just to let you know I’m 30 days sober which is what he sent yesterday out of the blue. He had his son all weekend this week he’s only 2
I thought that too – but I just kind of put it down to him not wanting to hear me upset and maybe him blocking out that everything’s ok. As I come across really positive in texts. To be honest I wouldn’t get upset now I’m passed that stage and understand this is the new him and that he needs time and space. I don’t think he’s using no as hell randomly text me and say just to let you know I’m 30 days sober which is what he sent yesterday out of the blue. He had his son all weekend this week he’s only 2.
So sorry for all the spelling mistakes I didn’t check over!
Hi sorry I hope you don’t mind me reaching out as your probably in the same situation as much boyfriend. I’m trying to shed some light on why he’s acting the way he is. He’s got and cold with me, 30 days sober, he said he wanted space which I’ve done really well to give him as I’ve been going a lot of reading and understand the emotions way sober people go through. He’s been messaging a little this week however this morning he said we will catch up tonight so I’ve spent the whole day looking forward to his call for him that to read my WhatsApp and not reply. I haven’t seen him for 30 days nor have I spoke over the phone to him for two weeks (he previously said it was because I didn’t want to hear me upset) it is usually to go through moods
Of wanting to speak to me then not actually doing so? Thanks for your help and well done by the way
Whenever your on a down day feel free to reach out and rant on here. Always helps that is what I do with you x
You are so lovely thank you – I hope you’re partner wakes up one day and realises that he can’t go on the way he is or he’ll lose you. It’s almost like your fighting a losing battle as the drugs will always win with an addiction. He will wake up one day and want to change hopefully that day won’t come too late for you.
After checking in with him yesterday and giving he space he replied and said the last 5 days has not been good for him and his will power has been tested. He’s going through the divorce financial part with his ex who he shares a 2 year old child with. She turned around and asked for more money out of the settlement which has caused him more stress and he tells me he really doesn’t want to break. He doesn’t want to have to go to court. It’s was actually nice for him to soften up a little and reach out to me. He said let’s catch up on FaceTime or a call tomorrow but haven’t heard from him since and he didn’t pick up my call today. He must be up and down. I’ll go back to giving him space but I’m guessing in this situation is he being tested with his sobriety and this is through his ex wife and has nothing to do with me. I need to keep myself busy and not worry whether this is going to make him break after today marking the forth week! X
Him moving his friend in isn’t good move, I’m assuming his friend uses as well?
There is going to come a point where he will want to get clean and he will remove this friend from his life and could reach out to you to support him, it’s either that or do it in his own. What I’ve learnt through this in a very small space of time is something triggers a addict to want to change. I think in my partners life it was realisation he has a two year old son and also me, even though we are going through this I believe that he knew we could have a good life, that I was a good woman and that he needs to change his lifestyle. That’s the way I see myself anyway, and through his past words I know he loved me and thought a lot of me.
Don’t blame yourself for being too harsh I did that too. The last time he used I was on my way to meet him the following day. I told him that it was normal for him to do that every week and was a little quiet with him over dinner. That weekend I saw him he said he felt distant from me and that weekend was the start of his sobriety. I asked myself whether I shouldn’t have said anything and let him be, but then that’s accepting what he was doing and I didn’t want him to do that because I love him so much. It was fortunate that at that time it was his eureka moment too, but sadly was the last time I got any emotion from him.
Again what I’ve read through forums as it’s the only thing that helps me cope and not take it personally is that space is what they need if they are trying to get clean. I guess in your situation your boyfriend isn’t at that point yet? When the time is right and he’s in a better place, if you really want that relationship to work then you need to have that conversation with him and give him an ultimatum. If he chooses drugs then this is the life you’ll have being back and forth with his choice of drugs and you, and drugs will always win x
Hi
I’m sorry to hear your story, I’m in a similar situation however my boyfriend is now 3 weeks sober and quit after 10 years. He told me he needed space and doesn’t know how he’ll feel after this journey at the moment he feels numb. I’ve not seen him for three weeks and not spoke to him for three days now. I miss him so much. I’ve been at the point of not eating and lost a lot of weight however I feel I’m getting stronger but also hope he reaches out to me and comes back to me. I understand where your coming from with lockdown it makes it worse doesn’t it and almost as thought your vulnerable.
Hopefully he will be sick of the life of drugs and reach out to you. However he will only do that when he has his own “eureka” moment I guess. Have you tried to call him or text? Is he ignoring you? X
Did he stop on his own? What’s the longest he has stopped for?
My partner is now on three weeks. Last time we spoke was Thursday. Last saw him three weeks ago. But I feel like I need to give him space like you did before even checking in with him x
Hey hope you don’t me messaging you – how did you get on? I’m in a similar situation to you now. Not seen him for 3 weeks spoke Thursday last and hoping he wakes up one day and finds his emotions to want to be with me again. He’s just numb and emotionless at the moment x
Your ex still may have that same moment – he described it as a eureka moment where he realised he needed to change his life before it was too late. There is still time and I hope that happens soon for you.
Yes I plan to leave him be now until he starts loving himself. I am not going to lie the only way I think I can get through this is with a hope he comes back to me when he’s better. I’m going to miss him so much. I genuinely can’t see myself with anyone else and I’m 33. I wanted children and to marry that man and I’ve never felt like that before.
You are right and I agree I can’t hang on to his every word and in time I think that feeling with lessen but right now I can’t bear to think of not having a life without him so for the time being I’m getting by with thinking it’s short term xx
Hi
Well my initial thoughts were, you can see me and tell me to my face that’s the least you owe me. I’ve been his rock through his divorce and the sale of his business which he found hard to let go. My boyfriends wealthy so always thought his habits were OK as he can still run a business.
After sitting on his text on Tuesday night I replied yesterday. It all unravelled. He basically was putting off speaking to me because he doesn’t know how he feels at the moment. He describes it as numb and emotionless. He says he avoided contacting me because he knew this would upset me so he blocked it out and pretended it wasn’t happened with a view to hoping his feelings would re surface once he gets himself better.
He said lockdown has been the best thing for him, he’s getting up training eating well and going to bed and that’s all he knows right now. He also opened up about some home truths of just how bad his addiction has been in the past which I didn’t know.
He said he needs to do this journey on his own and that he will not be the same person he used to be when he comes out of this. There are times when he has been low (three week sober today) really low but he’s getting better and better each day. He’s taking himself through abstinence and it’s seems to be working because he’s doing a lot of reading to educate himself on what’s happening to his mind.
He did say he still loves me and I’m the most selfless person he’s ever met and that he prays that he comes out of this and we’ll be OK.
I just need to leave him to find himself. That may mean he totally doesn’t recall any feelings for me in the future and that’s the end of us or maybe he does. But even he doesn’t know himself x