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Thank you for your advice. I’ve read others that have been victim of the same things although whilst under the influence of drugs – however he’s going on 3 weeks sober, his head will now be clear, I’ve helped him come to terms with his abuse and that it isn’t normal and he does this! I’m just heartbroken x
I’ve just received this via text message
My heart is broken
I hope you had a nice day,
I know I haven’t been in touch. I’ve been deep in thought and I suppose I haven’t had the answers you probably want to hear therefore I’ve been avoiding it.
If I’m honest I still don’t know how I am feeling about us. I don’t know why but it just feels my heart isn’t in it right now. Maybe that’s because I have everything else going on and I’m just concentrating on me.
I am always mindful that I am leaving you out in the cold which bothers me. You know I think the world of you, I really do, which is why I’ve wanted to just sit on my feelings and hope they resurfaced.
I don’t know what is going on with me and why I feel so flat in terms of us.
I know it doesn’t help with all this going on.
I felt like giving you an honest account of how I am feeling and a bit of a heads up.
Of course I am happy to talk on the phone I just don’t want to hear you upset because it breaks my heart.
I am happy for us to meet when we can and talk. xx
I usually go down to see him every other weekend when he has his son and he comes up to me when he doesn’t. So we’ve seen each other every weekend since we met back in November, however since the last time he drank and I told him it wasn’t normal that he drank and did drugs every weekend, we didn’t argue I was just a little off and distant that evening from him. He’s asked me for some space and to leave him to “soul search” whilst he tries to fix himself. This has been his lifestyle for ten years. My worry is that he doesn’t come back to me however we are still talking everyday however not as close as we was for example he no longer says I love you or I miss you etc (only past two weeks) I’m just putting that down to him being in a mixed up emotional state with himself at the moment. He tells me he just needs to get himself in a good place and that he doesn’t want to lose me or hurt me. I just need to hopefully give it another week if he stays sober and hopefully he will start talking about coming to see me or me going to see him again. It’s killing me not knowing what he’s thinking about me and us but I suppose that needs to wait if he’s 15 days sober and hopefully he comes back to me.
Regarding his step mum using I would say anything to his dad as it may effect your relationship with him however if she has an episode where she does it with your partner again then you need to have that conversation with her as it’s effecting your relationship direct.
He hasn’t got the right people around him has he do any of his friends take them as much as he does? He’s going to have to take himself out of that lifestyle or situation.
Thank you for your advice – it turns out he has his son last night and has got up to attend a PT session this morning. I shouldn’t judge and think the worse I suppose but that’s what living so far does to you. He’s boasted that he’s 15 days sober (that’s how long I haven’t seen him for). I just hope he keeps it up as if he does fail I think it will be a huge downer for him which I can imagine he won’t let me in.
If your husbands step mum is condoning it then it’s almost making it look like it’s only you that has a problem with it! I can see your almost fighting a losing battle. My boyfriend has a 2 year old son with his ex wife so since sober he’s been doing more productive things with him it’s almost like he feels guilty for being hungover since he was born. It really helps to off load on you on this so thank you very much x
Have you ever tried to leave him to
Show him an ultimatum at all? Or would that cause more grief than putting yourself through pain? It is hard when you have a child, I really feel your pain.
My boyfriend has since gone awol after going to dinner Yesterday he told me last that he has still not had a drink and doesn’t plan too (Which I replied at the time I was proud of him) however hasn’t answered the phone all day today. I know he’s relapsed it’s too soon for him to be around people who drink. I’m guessing he’s probably feeling ashamed right now and that’s why he isn’t answering the phone? He did tell me if he fails this time that he would be in a very dark place, so I’m
Not sure how to react to this now shall I just texted and tell him That it’s ok we can start again etc? Show support? I’m half tempted to drive to see him again as it’s much more effective but don’t want that to cause more upset x
Oh really, after 4 years too your almost part of the family.
It’s crazy because I’m envious of your communication and that you get to see him I live four hours away and we are communicating via the phone and I have no idea how he’s feeling. It’s been two weeks sober for him now, he’s gone for dinner tonight and this will be the first test for him. Two weeks isn’t enough to be honest but he’s had to make a lot of his manager redundant today so seeing them off. I might your ladies advice tomorrow if he relapses. Again he hasn’t made any indication of when he wants to see me again, I surprised him by driving for 4 hours last weekend and I think it threw him off. He has a plan in his head what he was going that night before work and I felt that uncomfortable I drove back home. I drove for 9 hours with an hour break.
Let me know what his family says if you don’t mind when they do reply
Thanks for replying
Yes i agree, I don’t want to leave him and he’s suddenly changed into this person I don’t recognise at the moment when the last three months he was all lovey, maybe I am the one who has pointed out he has a problem which he’s got away with for ten years so it’s me he’s pushing away whilst he battles with it. But you are right I feel alone at the moment and feel like no one will know my pain. I haven’t ate since Thursday! If feels good to reach out on this forum so thank you ladies
Hi guys thought I would jump on this chat to reach out, I have been with my boyfriend for three months long distance he lives 4 hours from me however we have seen each other every weekend, we have got so close so quick, I recently
Realised he has a drink and drugs problem which I highlighted two weeks ago. He has a high paid job and is very busy with other projects he has on the go, he has a two years son and going through a divorce at the moment. Recently he has said he is on a soul searching period and wanted space as he doesn’t feel
Himself at the moment. This is probably the longest he has been sober and drug free for (two weeks) since I mentioned it. I can’t help but feel like he’s pushing me away? I’ve not eaten for a week and I’ve got constant anxiety that he’s not going to come back to me, is it usually for someone to try and push you away whilst battling an addiction? I feel like I can’t ask him but support him, but secretly I’m really suffering myself with not knowing whether he wants to be in a relationship
Or not. I have fell in love with him and don’t want a future without him