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My son is 21 in June and first went to rehab aged 15 …. reading your post brought a tear to my eye i have felt like that so many times with him too …..
Addiction is an illness – while abusing they are not the person you really know …the substance abuse changes them and that is all they can think about that is their only priority how to get their next fix
I received that late night knock on the door 3rd October 2013 at 2am my son had been run over while walking in the road … he suffered severe brain trauma, broke both his legs an arm and his neck in two places he went through 10 hours of life saving brain surgery and was in a coma for 9 weeks and against all the odds he made it and despite early opinions he can walk, talk etc has learned to do everything again ….. including substance abuse so i feel your message HOW CAN THEY KEEP DOING THIS TO US? but they dont see it as doing it to us they make a decision to abuse again usually because they can no longer fight off the urge and then they are enveloped in the whole thing again
I know if my son had been anybody else i wouldve walked away years ago but something inside me just keeps hoping one day he will sort himself out ….. before the addiction takes him for good x
Oh Gem I am sorry you are going through this – its tough when somebody you love is an addict – for me it is my son :'(
what you have to remember is whenever he is abusing a substance he will also be lying to you and will say what ever he thinks you want to hear or what ever he has to in order to manipulate you into doing what he wants!Addiction is an illness and the addict is not the person you fell in love with….. while you may feel you have a duty of care to him because you are all he has got – there is a reason you are all he has got!
You also have to remember that you have a duty of care not only to yourself but to your children and you have to put you and them way before him …..because he wont will abusing he will always put himself first.
You need to stay strong – i know how hard it is – i had to put my son in rehab when he was 15 years old and he has been on and off the substance abuse wagon ever since – right now he is clean (but only for 7 weeks) and when he is clean he is the loveliest person you could meet – when he is abusing he is the worst person you could meet :'(
I cannot walk away from him because he is my son – he is my responsibility – this man is not yours! I hope you can find the strength to protect you and your family from any more pain he may cause xx
Nobody who hasn’t been through it can understand – some try most just don’t get it.
I still dont actually know anybody else with a child that is an addict and that makes you feel like you are alone going through this …. how long has he been an addict? My son is once again trying to get clean but its a rollercoaster ….. right now he is in his 2nd week clean and dry again – he is such a sweet kind person when he is clean but when the addiction takes over i no longer recognise who he becomes :'(
You just have to try and be there for him ….. try not to beat yourself up about it – this is hard and takes time to master – i think part of me will always feel like i failed my son somewhere even though i tried everything i could at one point begging social services to help me when they were sure he was just a little unruly……i hope you can find some peace that this is not your fault
Of course he blames you it’s easier than admitting it’s his fault! It’s his choice to use …… My son has been an addict since the age of 14 he is 21 this year he has been in and out of rehab and on and off the wagon for both drugs and alcohol
You cannot blame yourself for his choice!
It took me a long time to realise there was nothing I could do except be there for my son and try to help him make better decisions …. Ultimately though it’s up to him
I try not to enable my son – I never give him money no matter what i now try not to buy him things either as I know in the pas he has sold things I’ve bought in order to find his habit
I wish I had the answer for you but sadly I don’t :'(