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Hello Fred, I have only just read your post. I see you wrote it back in August, I wish more people used these sights so you could’ve had a response.
You may not even read this but I was wondering how your situation is?
My relationship of ten years ended in November due to the stresses of his Heroin abuse. He now lives in a flat with a new girl who is also a user.
I don’t know what is more difficult, living with a user and trying to help or it being taken out of your control and not being able to help at all.
I feel your pain, I still love him very much and always will. It’s so difficult to watch a loved one ruin themselves.Take care
This post has really touched me although I wish I could agree. I was with my partner for ten years until it all came to a messy and very confusing end in November. I am 32 and have never been involved with Heroin and, looking back, I was in denial as to how long he had actually been an addict.
I feel like I fought and fought for him but each time I tried he said I just didn’t understand and all I was doing was nagging. I can see now that I thought I could control his habit but I was very mistaken.
It all came to a head when December 2012 he had another violent outburst. I said he had to leave our home. I did not want this to be a permanent measure, more of a wake-up call but it had the opposite effect. For the next year we went from me thinking he had OD’d in his flat to us having a lovely summer before one tiny incident spiralled in to a huge argument and the contact diminished. I missed him and wanted him but was angry at his lack of contact. He would sporadically text to say I’d pushed him away, then he was sorry and needed me, then he didn’t want me to see him in such a state and that he wanted to get clean. Then one night in November I decided to visit his flat, which I avoided as I couldn’t come to terms with him not living with me anymore and was scared of who I might find there. While I was parked outside I seen him with another female and it all made sense. He’d met someone else. Someone who he could share something with that he couldn’t share with me, Heroin. I text but he refused to admit it or answer. He’d even been at mine the week prior saying he wanted us to be able to go back to how we used to. Two weeks later he admitted he had someone else and they were living together. He told me that I never cared about him and this new woman makes him happy.
I stayed with him for ten years because I loved him. I still love him as much as I did ten years ago. Regardless of all the sleepless nights, violence, lies, stealing and, looking back, lots of cheating – I still love him. I now have to fight everyday with the thoughts that I failed him, it’s my fault he’s not in recovery. I feel guilty for that one moment of telling him to get out even though I was scared. The worst thing of all is I wonder, did he ever love me and does he ever even think of me now. How long had he really been with her? I’ve even had abusive texts from her with her saying I never really loved him, which is obviously his words.So, although I pushed him away I never ever wanted to lose him. I just had no help from anyone. He was refused subutex, his parents didn’t understand. They bury their heads in the sand and blame me for all of this.
I’m so glad that you are clean and you and Beverley can remain friends but I do believe you are one of the very few lucky ones.
Everyday I look at my phone and hope to see a message from him but then will the pain start again? That pain was easier to cope with than this. He was so loving and thoughtful but I could not see past the addiction.
I have rambled here and do not know the purpose of my post.
I do wish you all the best and hope someday I can find sense in the awful situation. I have lost my soul mate and best friend yet he lives on in his own world and has a someone to comfort him.
Hi Rachael, I’ve come on here to seek a bit of solace but find it so sad to see so little responses on posts.
I’m 32 and have been separated from my heroin-addict boyfriend for 4 months yet the agony of his addiction has not left me. I was with him for ten years and still love him so much. He is also 28 and when I met him he had dabbled in recreational drugs but I cannot believe things have got to where they are today. I myself am not a user so found it so difficult to understand why he lied, stole, cheated. I really thought I could help him but I’m slowly realising that maybe I had no chance. I watched him go through amazing clean periods only for it all to go up in smoke for no reason. I blame myself for so much. His parents knew very little of his addiction and I tried to cope alone but this was not a good idea. If you cannot get help for your brother, you and your mum must make sure that there are help groups that you can speak to. I wish I had.
I cannot give you advice, all I can say is I know how desperate you must feel. I have no idea what my ex is doing now but I think and worry about him every single day. All you and your mum can do is love him from a far. Do not try to control him but do not abandon him. I cannot say it will get easier. I hope he is able to get intervention as the only success stories I ever hear of is staying at a rehab centre for quite some time.Sorry if I’ve babbled.
Take care
By what you are describing it sounds like he could be suffering from paranoid schizophrenia or drug induced psychosis. I am no doctor or professional but i have experienced a similar situation with my brother. He was eventually diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, at the age of 20, after years of strange behaviours and episodes. He thought that the whole town was after him and out to get him. After a very serious incident he was sectioned and now he is on life long medication and living a normal life. He too abused drugs but we will never be sure if he was born with this illness or if it was the drugs. I beleive it was not the latter.
What I do want to tell you is that this country has a very poor attitude towards mental health and you will have to fight very hard to get him help. Please do not give up. Keep seeking advice from your gp and push for him to be referred to a mental health service in your area. There is help out there but it won’t come easy.