[helpmeplease2020]

I actually agree with everything you said, I know this is not going to go the way i want it deep down. this life with him isn’t worth it he messed up and im not going to let him bring me down with him – more I think about it more I realise he just manipulated me into thinking that I can fix him when I know I cant. he just want to save face to his family thats all it is. once im gone then what else has he got to show for he lost everything and its up to him to pick the pieces up not use me. he decided to use drugs alone or with his mates now he can come back alone or with the help of his ‘mates’ which we know will not work because that circle just wants one thing, get high on coke. so its not my problem. harsh but yeah I will not invest my future in him just play along because even I know its a matter of weeks if not days till he will mess up as he isn’t getting professional help which I been saying to him to get.

[helpmeplease2020]

Hi Kel, thank you for replying back. the thought of him dying kills me and if he willing to change i will give him that chance but there no guarantee that when we get married that he will sustain his promise. i cant trust addicts but there’s something more deeper to him again probably the worst choice to make to believe him but im giving him a chance – one chance then im gone. You right and I have been doing a lot of research on how this addiction takes over its been eye opening seeing him change and what happens to a person over time. i have given him a chance to show me he will change and maybe if he chooses to (which he has) then it will always be a slippery slope because of the fear of relapse so on. Relationships with people who have done this particular drug are 10 times harder to sustain than a normal healthy relationship. i live in a location where drugs have been easily available to me at a finger tip thankfully i never touched it and certainty would want to protect my kids from this. i asked myself if he did relapse what would i do? i.e if i was pregnant or had a kid with him. I would have to leave him probably not the easiest decision to make and certainly not easy to a kid to explain why we don’t see the father so on. its not easy and the thought of it does crawl my skin. maybe because im so open minded about it i wouldn’t be scared to take on a fathers responsibility if he let us down as a family and maybe when my kids are at a good age to understand i will explain to them i gave him a chance he messed up but i never because they are my priority not a drug.

Now if we cant have kids, im happy to adopt if he isn’t then i guess i will have to divorce him because i need to move on with my life at that point.

all sound easy as i type the above but i know its going to be a rollercoaster and if i can give him that one chance with all the risks attached above and he messes up then i know i will be straight out that door and wont turn back. this is my last chance to him.

so if he cant work on beating this addiction which is hard i know but im willing to give him that with all the risks to my love life/kids with all the problems above mentioned then he would make a bad choice of choosing drugs over his own future but its an addiction and i wouldn’t hate him just he made his bed with getting high in life at an expense of a family which im willing to give him so i will move on knowing i did all i could.

horrible reality is he doesn’t probably understand this till its too late sadly this is what addiction does. i just got to explain to myself after this one occasion im not going back to him. i posted on here because this is my last resort as i had enough of it all and i know the relationship i have is on the verge of ending at some point unless he can stop it which we both know is not easy.

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