[herbie]

I have lived the past 15 years with the hope that my once loving, caring husband would stop drinking. I am always to blame as to why he drinks. He functions, holds down a job. Come the afternoon, he is horrible, I find empty spirit bottles hidden around, I feel I am quite a strong person and was always brought up to stand up for myself, which probably does not help. I will not be bullied, shouted at, made to feel I am the problem. Last week he pushed me out into the rain and tried to lock the door on me, I fought back and got called a spiteful bitch for grabbing his shirt. He can’t go anywhere without a hip flask and I am sure he drives with one in his car. I have to play taxi to my son as I would not trust him to drive him anywhere. I live in a beautiful part of the country but this is affecting me too much now. He told me constantly I was a lazy bitch who never contributed to the house, I now have an extra job and he is still horrible to me. The car is packed but I don’t feel it should be me leaving, its not my fault. I am scared about not being able to afford to live somewhere else. My kids are old enough now and would understand if I left and the reasons why, but I want them in my life, it should be him leaving, not me. It is now seriously affecting my mental health.

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